Dangerous Perfection
by banana21yeh
Summary: One summer can really destroy your life. Bella, Alice, Jasper and Edward would know! Each have their own stories to tell, and other's along the way. Dark and sometimes humouress, lots of lemons and swearing :D
1. Chapter 1

**Dangerous perfection.**

_**Mini Preface.**_

**I sat in pain and anguish looking at his ghostly, ill face. His eyes wide shut lost in another world. The faint sound of his breath as it shuddered, weakening with each second that passed by. My heart was pounding to break out of my chest, and my heart felt weakened and sick as I thought of what was to come, gripping his hand tightly in mine, holding on to his last few breaths. How can I live with myself if he died? How, when it is my fault! ALL my fault!**

* * *

Bella

It was the usual, groggy boring day in the painfully boring town of Forks. I woke to the sound of the rain hammering against my window, and sighed in annoyance. There goes the skimpy dress I had planned for school today, I thought. A sharp groan came out of my mouth as I slashed the covers off of me and onto the floor, angry and frustrated, just like every morning. Charlie, my useless father, had already left for work, as I could hear the humping against my bedroom wall coming from my mother, Renee, and her secret lover. I grimaced, not really caring what my parents did, as long as they left me the fuck alone!

My phone started vibrating on my bedside table, and I grinned, knowing instantly who the caller was.

"Alice" I said, grinning wildly. She always rang every morning, at the same time. It was customary for her to check my choice of outfit that day, and report back to our third little group member Rosalie. After all I was the group leader, and if you wanted to be in our group you followed my exact orders, whether you liked them or not.

"BELLS! I'm having an absolute fucking nightmare right now!" She moaned, in annoyance. I rolled my eyes and held back a laugh at her pure dramatic flamboyance. "Seriously Bells it's not fucking funny, I could really hang myself right now!" I heard a bang at her end, as she kicked something and groaned in anger now.

"Calm down Alice! No need for the dramatics this morning, we've got enough problems with the newbies coming in to town, I don't need to be dealing with your breakdowns on top of it!" I angrily pointed out.

"Sorry Bells" She said, sighing in defeat. Nobody dared stand up to me, not even Alice, who was pretty much the closest thing I had to a sister.

"Now tell me the problem...cutting out all the un-necessaries!" I demanded.

"Wardrobe nightmare, to put it finely!" She stated. I rolled my eyes at her again. She had two rooms bigger than her gigantic bedroom, filled with neatly placed outfits, all organised in perfect order. It was like walking into Sacs! I would have been jealous, if it weren't for the fact we owned three actual designer stores, which we could shut down any time we wanted and take anything for free, and then just sell it on to the wannabes! I had unlimited access to stuff two months before anyone else, including all the A-listers. Such is the life.

"Well I was going to wear that black, slutty, mini, but judging by this crap weather, mini is out and leather is in! I don't want to see a damn mini on anyone got it?" I ordered.

"Got it!" She answered.

"Go for your skinny's, halter, all the silver and black accessories you can find, and tell Rosalie the same, today were going to look hotter than hot! And you better not wear anything below a 4 inch heal" I hung up and threw my phone to my bed. It was stressful being in charge, and sometimes felt a little boring, but that was what Forks high school was like. If you weren't a somebody you were nothing. The school was over crowded with the richest kids in the whole state of Washington. Their were generally 6 different groups in our school. The preppies (commonly known as the stalker-wannabes), who were so desperate to be cool they would hang on your every word and mimic everything you said, did, wore and it was rather disturbing and irritating! The scholars (commonly known as shit-poor-nerds) who didn't have a dime to their name but were total ass nerds who sucked up to the teachers and got ridiculously high marks in every single thing they did. Hated them with a passion. The losers...need I say any more without vomiting all over my gorgeous new leathers? The jocks (commonly known as the hot guys of the school) who were sporty, non intellectual, and just wanted to jump your bones and ogle your goods. The outsiders (who were commonly known as the 'actual real hotties' of the school) because they generally consisted of your typical bad boy characters, who hid their stonned eyes behind black sunglasses, wore all black, and never smiled. Their only contact with you was either to stick their finger up at you or somewhere else in you, and they generally hung around in two's or solo. And then there was us...The bitches. Me, Alice and Rosalie, not counting our little minions Jane, Tasha, Lauren and Leah, who followed us around like puppies with real longing in their eyes. They were practically our 'staff' as such! We were complete bitches, through and through. Screwed our friends boyfriends, messed around with married men, treated everyone we hated like pure shit, and never fucking cared about anyone else but ourselves. We were hot and we knew it!

And today was no different. I pulled up outside of school, in the black BMW that drove me to school every morning, and exited racking in all the gasps from on-lookers. My black leather skinny pants hung to my legs, showing them for what they were, hot. I added a gorgeous, royal blue halter top that paraded my cleavage for all to see, and flashed my small but hot curves for girls to cry at, and boys to salivate. And topped it off with 6 inch black, strappy heals, 1 carat diamond ear studs and a couple of silver bangles completing my look. I grinned wickedly at the reaction I got as I walked to meet Alice and Rosalie who were waiting by their cars. Rosalie owned a red BMW convertible, and Alice owned a yellow porches. They waved as I glided over, and threw myself into a girlie hug. Alice had followed my instructions perfectly. She wore her gorgeous blue skinny jeans that had holes cut in them to look kind of stylish punk, and a green, tight halter neck with matching green stilettos. Rosalie was wearing her washer grey skinny jeans, black and white thick heels, and a grey halter with all the right accessories. We looked positively hotalicious as we entered the school that we owned, grinning to ourself knowingly as every person's mouth we passed dropped to the ground. Victory!

Edward

FUCK! I exclaimed throwing my empty pack of cigarettes to the floor and kicking the bed in rage. I couldn't find my cigarettes anywhere and I was fucking desperate for a smoke. "Maybe if you cleaned your room" Carlisle suggested, pissing me off further. As if I wanted to fucking tidy a room up, I just wanted a damn smoke was that too much to ask? I fell to the ground pushing all the clothes that had been their for weeks and had gone crusty, out of the way whilst I searched for the packet I knew I had.

"Here have mine!" Emmett offered, laughing to himself at my doorway. I grimaced at him for finding this funny, by willingly snatched the packet he was offering from his hand, and hurriedly chucked a cigarette into my salivating mouth, sighing relief as the coarse taste burned my throat, satisfying my craving. "Your dry, you need a fix!" Emmett said, seriously now. I could tell he was just using my anger for an excuse to go get himself a fix. He just needed me along for the ride, and to be perfectly honest I wasn't fucking opposed. Anything to take the focus away from the first day back at school. A new school I might add!

Carlisle, mine and Emmett's dad, had been offered a job at Forks' hospital, and since he preferred boring, wanky, half empty towns with barely any trouble, it was perfect. He also wanted to get me and Emmett away from the bustling city of New York, where he knew we had fallen into some wild, partying habits. When he had said we were moving to a smaller town, we expected somewhere on the outskirts of New York, somewhere where people were still living, but not this fucking shit hole. It was like the walking dead here. Emmett hated it to. He fucking understood me more than any other ass hole, and vice versa. He was a year older than me, but you wouldn't of guessed by the way I was always looking after him when it should be the other way round. Emmett had, had a hard time after our mother died just over 6 years ago now, when I was 11. He started hanging out with the town gangster's who loved having fresh meat in their group, as someone to standby whilst they illegally sold drugs to street buyers. It was good for them because Emmett had always been this bulky, huge, scary looking beast that nobody wanted to fuck with, so they showed him the trick of the trade. At 14 he'd had his first shot of heroin and crack and he was thereafter hooked on the shit. When two of the gang members were shot dead in some dodgy exchange one day, Emmett decided to leave the gang life behind and just live life as a depressed, brooding, drug taking teenager. He gave me my first pipe, at aged 15. We sat on the edge of a really, fucking tall sky scraper, and smoked the shit till dusk screaming shit down at the little tiny dots below us, and washing the bad taste in our mouth down with pure, straight up, Russian Vodka. I vomited down on all the little tiny dots, and then laughed it off thinking the mother fuckers deserved it. That's when Emmett got arrested and I got a night in a hospital ward, on a drip. Lot's of nights like that followed. Piss ups in random places, high usage of class A drugs, and many nights either in wet, dusty, cold cells or warm, sticky, sickly hospital beds. We were practically killing ourselves, but we didn't give a fuck. Once damaged always damaged. So the decision was simple for Carlisle. To get us away from the temptations of city life. As if we couldn't find any drugs here in this town!

"Oh by the way, Carlisle's bringing some slut over for dinner on Saturday. Some nurse he met at the hospital. Ellie or Elsie or something like that any way! Just a word up!" Emmett said as we grimaced in unison. Carlisle had the fortunate quality of looking like a 20 year old model, when he was really 43. Girls salivated over him every where he went, but he always turned them down or if he did start anything with them it wouldn't last long. He missed our mother, Elizabeth, more than we ever realised. He'd still cry over her, but I guess he had found some bint to take her place already, and I wasn't very pleased whatsoever. I grinned at the wicked thought of making this women's life a living hell as soon as she entered those doors. VICTORY!

Alice

Just another start to another boring day. It didn't matter whether it rained or shone like the golden city, it was always the same. A drag. Nothing to do but pretend that I'm ok living the crazy, out of control, roller-coaster every damned day of my life. Pretending, and putting on a front all the time.

"Your not wearing that are you?" My mother protested, as I dragged myself down the staircase.

"Of course, it's hot mom!" I exclaimed.

"Sweety! Your absolutely stunning, you don't need to wear stuff like this! You look like your going clubbing. It's only school hunny!" Right! Only school. Forks high school was not _just_ a school! Only a hot bed for under-age drinking, drug taking, sex and making other people's lives a living misery. If you weren't part of the in-crowd (as they say) you'd spend your days wishing that you were dead. Not that being 'in' was any different! My mother, Esme, one of the greatest mother's of all time, gave me her pleading frown. She knew she couldn't stop me from wearing these over-dressy clothes, but it didn't stop her from trying her best to make me be the little girl I used to be.

"Mom, this is what we all wear! Don't worry I'll wear a jacket or something!" I promised, even though I knew she knew I'd just stuff the jacket under my chair or in my boot before I got to school. She smiled any how, her sad, defeated smile, and watched me drive off, like she always did. I felt bad but if only she knew the true horror of life as one of the 'bitches'. It wasn't easy.

I pulled up outside the building, sighed and fixed my confident smile. As usual I checked my review mirror to make sure my short, spiky black hair was all in place, and sighed in relief knowing how lucky I was to have perfect, non difficult hair. Rosalie was lucky that way to. She was blessed with long, luscious, curly blonde locks, that made her look goddess like. There was never a lock out of place, and she didn't suffer from frizz or split ends. I could see girls in school clutching at their scissors, just dying to cut her hair off. People hated her for it, but she didn't care. Bella had more of a flat hair style. It was naturally straight, but lacked any bounce. Not that, that mattered, since she had her own personal hair stylist that came to her house every morning to make her look like a rock star. I always thought Bella looked great with her natural hair. Not many girls could pull of the flat, straight look but she could, because she had this natural beauty awe surrounding her.

"You look hot Al!" Bella enthused as we made our way into the school oozing sex, confidence and downright bitchy-don't-fuck-with-me-ness! I was thankful we only had two classes together. Maths and English, two of the worst subjects in the history of subjects. Drama was definitely my thing, and I had it with the hottest guy in school. Jasper. I had crushed on him since we were at elementary school together. He was adorable, and such a sweet guy you couldn't help but love him. Even Bella adored him at one point. That is until _that_ summer, the summer we never talk about, that changed all our lives for the worst. Then we came here, and he became the school freak, secluded from everybody, because talking to him would kill your reputation. So I had to be careful, until I figured out a way to get to him without jeopardizing my social life.

"Guys, see you at lunch! We have important shit to discuss! I have all the down low on the newbies, it is fucking raging!" Bella exclaimed, excited. We said our goodbyes, French cheek kissing style, and ran off to our classes. Man I couldn't wait until last period! Drama with Jasper. A place where I can pretend to be somebody else! Someone Jasper would like and even grow to love. Someone who is not afraid to be herself, and tell people the truth. Someone...victorious!

Jasper

"FREAK!"

"LOSER!"

"FUCKING VIRGIN PUSSY!"

"THERE GOES THE BIBLE BASHING FREAK-O-ZOID!"

Just another day of the same old taunts and empty words from the brainless socialites of the most sinful school in Washington. As if it actually bothers me.

"NOTHING I HAVEN'T HEARD BEFORE!" I'd shout back, smiling proudly because I knew it pissed them off when I was cocky and unmoved by their lame attempts at trying to bring me down. I sat at my usual table in the corner of every classroom, alone, the way I liked it and doodled away whilst listening to the teacher intently. I was a pro for multi-tasking. A grade student, perfect record, not a hint or sprinkle of sin or debauchery like the rest of the kids here! They would try their upright best to break me down, by placing pages from playboy magazine in my locker, or passing me notes that degraded god's name in the most vile way, but I shoved it off knowing it was just another day like the rest, and that eventually these people would grow up to be brainless nobodies, junkies, prisoners or living in run down trailers, with 6 kids to feed and wondering why life went so wrong for them. Karma was a bitch.

After History class I took my place at the smallest cafeteria table in the lunch room, alone, as usual, and sat with my salmon sandwich's, coffee, packet of oreo's and bible, and delved into Genesis chapter 12. I could feel the eye's on me, burning my skin, but I never looked up, because all they wanted was another chance to lash more pathetic taunts in my face, anything to see some kind of rise. The usual jock 'accidentally' spilt his usual leftover food onto my lap, causing a huge uproar of laughter in the room. And then just as I was waiting for my usual morning juice shower from the usual cheerleader, there was a sudden silence to the room. I looked up, curious to see what possible thing could have possibly shut these deadbeat's mouths tightly closed, and then rolled my eyes. Newbies. The only thing more interesting to these people than me. At least they'd have some new toys to play with for a while, leaving me alone. Or so I thought. As I turned back to read more from Genesis I caught an interesting glare from one of the girls. I frowned, confused why she would be looking at me, when everybody's attention was fixated on these new kids. Plus she was one of the 'leaders' of the popular crowd, or whatever they called themselves, so it was a necessity that she would be glaring at them and not me. But she wasn't. Her beautiful golden, Topaz eyes, piercing into mine like drippy honey. She was without question the most angelically, beautiful girl in the whole of the school. Alice Brandon. And I had been in love with her since the first time I saw her in elementary school, in her cutest little pink and white butterfly dress, and pink ribbon that tied her silk black hair together. She was magnificent. And we were best friends. Until after _that _summer, which I remember so well, when she came back no longer with pretty ribbons in her hair, or cute print dresses. No longer with her long black silk hair. No longer with her adorable, happy little smile, or free spirited awe. She was dark, and distant, and had chopped her hair to shreds. Her and her nasty friend Bella, whom spread personal, agonising stuff about me and my family around school and the entire neighbourhood just to get back at me for trying to take Alice away from her, which was not true. She had changed, and she no longer spoke to me, or wrapped her tiny little long arms around my neck, clutching at me like I was her favourite teddy bear. I never saw her look at me again. Until now. And I had to wonder, why? What did she want? Some kind of ploy to bring me down? If anyone could it would be her. As Hazlitt once said "Faith is necessary to victory". And Alice definitely was...victorious!


	2. Chapter 2

Bella

We took our usual spot at lunch. We had our own little table in the cafeteria, secluded off from everyone else, but it was definitely the best seat in the whole place. Nobody was allowed to bother us during lunch, because we usually had very important, very private things to discuss, and today was no different.

"So who are the newbies?" Alice enquired as we sat down picking at our half plate of crispy, dry lettuce which was a dietary must if you wanted to be popular. Nobody liked a fat person.

"Hold your horses girls!" I teased, as they leaned in eagerly awaiting the scoop. I let them pain it out for a few seconds more and then delved into the good stuff. "So we have Jessica Stanley. Moved here from Alaska, parents own some run down pub or something in Port Angeles, not rich, not exactly a grade meat in the looks department and according to Lauren Mallory she's tubby and wears overalls!" I spat in disgust. Fashion disaster was one thing, but wearing overalls unless you were a full time farmer or lived in a fucking desert or something, was just a gigantic no no, in any situation. Even the losers would be disgusted!

"EURGH!" Rosalie blurted out as if she was about to puke. Alice scrunched her face up in complete horror. I shivered at the terrorising image, and then shook my head to continue.

"Next up we have Eric Yorkie. An ugly Chinese man, or so Tasha says..." I grimaced at the racist comment she'd made earlier. 'Ugly chinese man'. Granted I was a bitch but racism was something I detested more than overalls! I could see Alice flinch too, but Rosalie seemed to be focusing her attention on one of the senior Jocks who was licking his lips at her and rotating his tongue round and round outside of his mouth suggesting exactly what he wanted to do to her. She grinned at the thought, and again I shivered at the bad image. "Any how he's from California, according to Leah he's shy but really sweet apparently. He likes to spoil girls with gifts just to be nice, but possibly fitting more into the nerdy crowd. His family though are hugely wealthy. His father is some big shot lawyer and his mother used to be a swim suit model. So let's see what he's like, he could be interesting" I commented feeling slightly more approved by him, he was a definite up grade from the farm girl.

"Well if he gets me that new Cartier watch I've been eyeing for sometime he's definitely on my favourite's list!" Rosalie added, winking at the Jock and turning her attention back to us. Me and Alice rolled our eyes at her, laughing. Anyone who bought her presents was on her favourites list, and I mean anyone. Typical Rosalie.

"Who else is there?" Alice asked again with a glint of hope in her eyes. I could see what she was waiting for. Possible hot newbies. I smugly smiled at her impatience and continued to the last two names left on the list.

"Edward and Emmett" I said emphasising both names and raising my eyebrows in interest.

"Oooo" Rosalie said, now giving me all her attention and completely ignoring the horny jock.

"Go on..." Alice pushed.

"Totally hot...according to Jane. Their father, Carlisle Cullen, is the new hotty doctor who moved them all here last week from New York. Apparently their mother died when they were 11/12 or something, and every women on the planet is throwing themselves at hotty doctor" I tingled at the very name 'hotty doctor'. It was about time we got some A grade, older man, fresh meat that I could grip my teeth into. The thoughts going through my mind completely distracted me for a second until Alice cleared her throat, waking me from my erotic doctor patient fantasy. I had to fake an illness at some point, just to scoop a look at this guy. I cleared my throat before continuing, and Rosalie and Alice shared a look between them, rolling their eyes. "So yeah their mother died...blah blah blah" I said sort of spitting. Parents...who needed them. And any way with her out the way I could definitely get my claws on this hot piece of ass...I shook my head again, stopping myself before I fell back into the hot fantasy. "Emmett's a senior, just a year older than Edward. Apparently he has an athlete body so he'll probably be a Jock. And Edward is kind of Jeff Buckley meets rolling stones...or so Jane described. I couldn't get much out of her through all the fucking salivating she was doing!" I bitched. Although Jane was one of our top four minions, she still was top subject for bitching about, and she always managed to get herself in situations Gossip lovers would pine over hearing about. Blonde and stupid. Rosalie was the complete opposite to her. She had long, luscious curly blonde locks, but stupid she was not. She was an amazing singer, and had a voice that would put Christina Aguilera to shame, it was envious even to me. She knew how to manipulate and control people to her advantage so she could get anything she wanted. Even her parents were putty in her hands. They adored her, and spoilt her rotten, mostly because she was an only child so all their attention could go on her. I was always jealous of her parents, especially her father who was so much cooler than my pathetic excuse for a dad, and gave her the best of the best clothing and jewellery he could get her, having excellent taste for a straight guy. Her mother was stunning also. She was a supermodel, and still had catwalk events begging her to showcase their work. Alice was like me, an only child. She had the best mother in the world. I really, really envied her that. Esme was her name. Esme Brandon, and she was the most nurturing, caring, kind person ever to walk the planet. She gave everything and anything to Alice, and showed her love and affection that I had always wanted from a mother. My mother, Renee, was always too busy with her many lovers behind Charlie's back. We didn't get along. After I walked in on her in bed with my first boyfriend Ben I swore never to speak to the bitch again. I was 13, young and thought Ben was the love of my life (as you do at that age) but he was much older than me. 17, and wanted things I was too young to lust for yet. So he screwed my mum instead. BITCH BITCH BITCH! I screamed at her, in my head. I got her back though. When I turned 15. With Jacob, her native American lover she met at work. He was absolutely divine, in the most luxurious ways. His body was pure ripped in all the right places, with the right amount of muscles, coated in a gorgeous honey, olive tan. He was 22, so half my mothers age, and she fell deeply, deeply in love with him, more so than with any other lover of hers. So I did the worst thing I knew I could do to her. I fucked him senseless, everywhere I could! In the house, and even at her workplace in the dressing rooms and her office until she finally found us in the jackhammer sex position, his eyes totally lusting me all over. Her face dropped as she realised he didn't want her, he wanted me. I slyly smiled at her, slowly getting dressed, and as I passed by her I whispered "face it mother, your too old, too haggered, you could never have nor keep a man like that! Leave that to the professionals mother!" And I walked away feeling proud and happy. Even more so when I found out he'd told her he was in love with me, and wanted someone younger who was more with it. Shame I had to let him go. He was just the bait, otherwise he could have been a quite fun fuck buddy. That was the moment I truly turned evil.

Edward

Walking into Forks high school was a damn right fucked up experience for sure. Both Emmett and I were really hung over, and in dire need of a fix, since we'd been without for almost a week now. We covered our desperate eyes with sunglasses, and dragged our feet into the most preppy looking school I'd ever come across. It looked like fucking Brown or Harvard. I grimaced at the thought of having to spend two years in this dump!

We'd been told that we were to start from lunch time onwards, to give us half a day to adjust. Not that, that made a whole lot of difference. There were two others following closely behind us. Some farm girl chick, and a shy dude who kept his face hidden under his mack. I guessed they were new as well.

"I hope their not expecting some new kid gang bang or anything!" I whispered to Edward laughing. He burst into a bellowing laughter, and bashed his fist into my arm.

"Fucking class man!" He added when he finally caught his breath.

"Ah you must be the new students" Some overly posh tit said through his nose, stood upright, clasping his hands together in front of him, and peering down at us like he hand some ruler stuck up his ass.

"Someone's in serious need of a lay!" I whispered again to Emmett, who chuckled under his breath, trying hard not to bellow out loud. The posh tit gave us a stern look.

"You must be the Cullen boys!" He grimaced, staring us up and down like we were shit stuck to the soles of his feet. I clenched my teeth together wanting to pound the shit out of his ass. Fucking snobby prick!

"What of it?" Emmett asked, pushing his luck.

"We'll be having non of your boisterous, antics here let me tell you! Any sign of trouble from either of you and you'll be spending your days in my office, got that?" He warned, angrily piercing his face together. I grunted at the thought of having to spend my days in his office. I bet it smelled of mouldy farts, and dead rats! He showed us all round the school, where everything was, and passed us all a schedule, map and list of phone numbers in case we need help, throwing the papers into mine and Emmett's hand with force, clearly still miffed. And then he glided off like the posh tit he was, like he was in some gay parade or something. Tosser! And then we all made our way to the lunch hall where a crowded, loud room suddenly turned into a silenced, gawking horror, as one by one they all studied each and every one of us like it was a fucking catwalk. Tossers! Emmett and I hurried our way to the quietest table we could find, which happened to be hidden next to the shit stinking toilets. But I didn't fucking care. I'd rather a shit stench than all those fuckers out there staring at me like I was their shiny new toy! The weird new kids followed us to the table but we both turned and glared at them, making sure they got the fucking message to find somewhere else to sit. Then when they scurried away in horror, like frightened little pussy's, me and Emmett burst into laughter.

"Fucking stalkers already, and it's been what, 20 minutes?!" Emmett joked. I laughed shaking my head. "If that's all we have to look forward to in the girls..." he continued on, clearly commenting on the weird farm girl. "then I wish I'd brought me blow up doll with me!" I laughed under my breath and then turned my attention to the crowd of tosser's that I could see from here. Girls never interested me, unless for a quick fuck in an alley or car, or even sometimes a club toilet. I thought guys who tied themselves down with girls where fucking loser idiots. Relationships, even the word, made me vomit thinking about it. I just wanted a quiet fucking life, with my brother close by, drugs, booze, sex when I wanted it, and no other hassles. I didn't see the point in making an effort with other people. Emmett was a little different, in the respect that he made friends easily, although he got bored of the person pretty quickly and moved on, and he liked to be surrounded by women, hot women. But he shared my views on relationships. As far as Carlisle went, he was an ok father, as ok as father's were, but I just didn't care about anything. Not even myself. Getting high, and pumping myself with drugs and booze took away all the shit. Even if it was just for a short time, I needed it to feel a shred of happiness. And I fucking hated people feeling sorry for me, and umming and ahing at me like I've got a fucking pink bow on my head! I did some pretty fucked up shit. I was evil, enough said!

Alice

"Alice! Are you even paying attention to the new kids?" Bella shouted, bashing my arm as if I had broken some shocking rule or something. I meant to pay attention to the fresh meat, but today he looked soooo so good I couldn't turn my head away from his gaze. Just as I was going to mouth something to him, Bella turned my attention back to studying and judging the 4 most uninteresting people I'd ever seen. There was some girl everyone seemed to be calling farm girl, very plane Jane, not at all attractive and she really didn't know how to dress. Some guy they called...Eric? Again uninteresting, not someone I would want to hang out with. Then two guys who seemed to have walked right out of an 80s rolling stones magazine. Who did they think they were? The Jonas brothers on crack? But I pinched my face when necessary, turned my nose up when cued, and pretended to salivate over the two brothers who I definitely didn't find attractive! I made sure I pretended to be interested in the new boys, but truthfully I just didn't give a shit! Johnny Depp could walk in right now and I wouldn't care!

"Are you even listening?" Rosalie pressed, as I turned to see them both staring at me with confused, questioning expressions.

"YEAH! Total hotness, couldn't agree more!" I said quickly, exaggerating my impatience, and hoping they wouldn't be suspicious. Rosalie smiled and turned her gaze back to the jock she was eye fucking with, without thinking anything more of my lack of attention. But a certain glint in Bella's eye told me she was having non of it.

The rest of the day was complete agony, until last period that is. I had physics with two of the new kids, Jessica and Eric. Jessica seemed to have the whole class in full amusement, as they studied her every move, laughed when she did something they thought was hilarious, and threw pens at her head when the teacher wasn't looking. I must say she was a little weird. I caught her a few times rubbing her leg constantly for like ten minutes and then slamming her hand on the desk, not loud enough to catch attention but still forceful. She'd also liked to have a pen in her mouth, chewing the ink to pieces, making her teeth black, whilst writing stuff down with another pen. What an odd ball! Mike seemed to find her quite...entertaining. I could see him eyeing her up, clearly he had marked her as his next victim. I did pity her that! Eric just kept himself to himself, shying away and sticking to his work. Nothing much interesting about him, but he did have an adorable smile. I sighed knowing full well Rosalie was going to eat the poor boy alive! Then I had art with Rosalie and the new boy Emmett, who had all the girls practically drooling and dyeing to get home to indulge in their sexual fantasies. I shuddered at the image! Rosalie snuck out of the classroom at one point for ten minutes, with the Jock (I think his name was Paul), and came back wiping her mouth and grinning like a victorious idiot! I rolled my eyes and prayed for the time to go quickly so I could get to my favourite class.

When I got to drama I sighed in happiness. The teacher had us do role play, and these fun exercises in groups of four. Jasper wasn't in my group but near the end of the class we were asked to pair up and I made _damned _sure I grabbed his arm before I ended up being grabbed by one of the class bimbo's desperate to be 'in'! He seemed really taken a back and shocked that I even picked to work with him, since no one usually did but I just smiled, and pretended to look annoyed for everybody else's benefit just to save face!

"Now in your pairs I want you to both discuss for the rest of the day ideas for a fifteen minute piece! You'll need to have at least 3 different scene's or scenario's, and no more than 6. You'll also each need to portray 2 different characters at the very least and no more than 4. This will be your end of term production, and you will be graded on your solo performance and your group performance. Now this will be on top of your other production, so it's a lot of work but it's completely necessary! We will be having an audience of 5,000, so it's a hell of a lot of pressure but I _know _you are all capable! Remember be as creative as you like, but this has to be your own piece, it cannot be a copy of any other plays or productions, although use them for inspiration! Good luck!" Mrs Copland bantered on in the most excitable tone of voice I'd ever heard from a teacher before. She reminded me a little of that quirky drama teacher in that pile of shite movie high school musical, although she was much younger and more gothic like. I turned to Jasper who seemed to be shitting his pants.

"Shall we go sit down?" I suggested, smiling encouragingly and hoping he broke out of the trance he was in. He looked kind of scary, like he was possessed by the devil or something!

Jasper

I stood frozen into place. Alice was looking at me rather oddly, looking a little scared and not knowing what to do with herself. I was used to being on my own in drama, except for when we had group exercises. Whenever we had to pair up I'd worked out a system with the teacher that I could work solo, because I didn't work well with others, and they didn't work well with me. That's why today, of _all _days Alice Brandon jumped right over to my sighed and claimed me as her drama partner! I'll admit, Alice did have a sort of air about her, that made her stand out from the rest when she was performing. I'd never really thought much of the others, they weren't that talented, nor did they take it seriously enough, but Alice was passionate and just incredible. This was going to be an interesting pairing!

"Are you ok Jasper?" She continued to prod. I shook out of the trance I was in and smiled, a somewhat scary smile instead of the intended friendly smile. She grinned back though and then we walked to sit down in the corner away from the rest of the pairs who were more interested in discussing their weekend plans and sexcapades than the task at hand.

"SO!" She started eagerly. I loved seeing her smile again, it warmed my heart. "Any ideas?"

"Erm..." I thought, still distracted by her beautiful, watery, topaz eyes that beamed into mine, bringing back memories of when we would play cops and robbers, and mums and dads. Mums and dads was always the best game, simply for the fact she used to pretend to be my wife and when I would pretend to come back from work she'd run and jump at me, planting her lips on mine. She was my first and last kiss, as sad as that sounded no other girl has ever captured me the way she did. I hated Bella for ruining her, I really did! "I was thinking about doing a piece to highlight the bad effects of teen drinking, drug abuse etc" I started, knowing full well Alice was living that lifestyle herself. "I think it's important you know! Could be a great message to get across..." I looked hopeful at her, pleading she would agree instead of stomping on my idea and opting for a more sleazy plot line, with no real morals! Surprisingly though she seemed really into the idea, grinning wildly.

"Yeah that sounds like a great idea! Could be really dramatic and effective!" She boasted, still smiling. "We should make it really angsty, maybe have a death or something? And...this might sound a dumb idea but we could make the script really poetic, you know like the dialogue between characters being poetry, a little like a modern day Shakespeare kind of? I love Shakespeare!" She went on, smiling to herself. I stared at her in amazement. I never knew how deep she was, especially with the life she lead. It was hard to believe that she had this side to her. She carried on spouting these amazing, incredibly creative ideas as I sat and gawked at her lips moving like an idiot.

"Right class! I hope you've all got some good ideas brewing! I'll be expecting a full planned out report on your plot lines and characters by first class next week. BYE ALL!!" Mrs Copeland exclaimed, bouncing of her chair and almost jumping up and down like a hyper child.

"She's very..._eccentric_ isn't she?" Alice said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. She's...talking...to...me...normally...WHAT?

"Yeah..." I struggled to say, completely entranced again by her affect on me.

"So...what are you up to now? After school I mean?" She asked, picking her bag and books up and walking out the hall beside me. I was shocked she wasn't making a concious effort to escape quickly away from me, to avoid being caught by her '_friends'_. But it was kind of nice.

"Erm...just homework I guess" I lied. I'd finished all my homework during free period and lunch break. But there was no way I was going to tell her the truth. The truth about what was waiting for me at home.

"Ah cool..." She said awkwardly. There was a long awkward pause before we hit the school exit.

"Well it's great working with you! Have a nice evening" She waved, smiling at me again sweetly and then exiting to the car park where her deadbeat friends were waiting for her. I stood watching her leave for a while, trying to gather my thoughts together. She thought it was great to be working with me? It's not like that was a lie either, she was so genuine about it. I couldn't believe she was actually happy about working with me, after all this time. I sighed and left to catch the bus all the way home, where my happiness would be short lived! Evil awaits!


	3. Chapter 3

Bella

The four of them entered the cafeteria in perfect timing, just as my conversation with the girls was starting to sour. We burst into laughter as we eyed Jessica 'overalls' Stanely, standing in...low and behold...PINK overalls, over a white t-shirt, and these clown feet looking shoes, with her brown hair tied back, and no make-up to cover her greasy face. It was hilarious, so hilarious I took a snap shot on my phone. She had definitely become our newest target for social destruction!

"Where does she think she's going? A zoo?" Rosalie bitched, vindictively grinning at Jessica.

"She looks ridiculous! Like some 5 year old, trailer trash, dressed up by her mother in material clearly taken from some hideous curtains!" I added, looking her up and down once more, and shaking my head. Alice stayed quiet but laughed along with us. She seemed distracted some how, but my eyes were to busy to care. Next I spotted the Eric boy, who was hiding in his mack. Total nerd! But I didn't want to make fun of him, not yet, he could be an interesting project.

"There's Yorkie boy!" Rosalie pointed out, waiting for acknowledgement from me as to whether we should laugh at him or accept him.

"Maybe he just needs a little guidance from us? Mallory said he was sweet, and rich" I said, looking him over once more, and sort of feeling bad for him. He looked scared to death, and was shaking so badly I thought he might pass out. Kind of cute. And it reminded me of when I first came to this school. 11 years old, scared out of my wits, worried if I would be accepted or not. And here I am the fucking leader, because somebody gave me the chance. That's all he needed. Then my eyes wandered over to the two Cullen boys. And my jaw hit the ground. I could hear Rosalie gasping as well. There they were, stood tall. The big, bulky one who looked like he could be a jock, definitely did not look like he belonged in the jock category. He was dressed in black skinny jeans, blue and white converse pumps, white shirt, rolled up at the sleeves and open at the collar to parade his muscular chest. He had short, brown hair, and wore black sunglasses over his eyes, holding a black leather jacket in his arm. He was smirking at all the attention. The boy next to him, Edward Cullen, fitted more into the outcast category definitely. He wore black skinny jeans also, with black and white converse, and a black t-shirt that had 'fuck u' written in white writing on the front, which he covered with the hottest black leather jacked that went up to his elbow and showed off his gorgeous, palish arms, that looked strong yet slender. I licked my lips at the thought of having those arms wrapped around my waist. YUM. His hair was dyed black, gelled, making it shiny, and flopped over his face covering his eyes which he had hidden behind black sunglasses just like Emmett. BAD BOY. Was all that entered my mind. DANGEROUS BOY. FUN.

"Way to look conspicuous!" Rose commented, salivating over Emmett's huge biceps. "He is one hot piece!" She added looking him up and down in total approval. Alice turned her attention back now.

"Hmm" She hummed, shaking out of whatever trance she was in. "Oh!" She squealed. "Hot!" She added looking at the Cullen bad boys!

"DUH!" Rosalie taunted, confused at Alice's belated reaction. "Where have you been the past 5 minutes girl!?" I'd like to know the answer to that myself, I thought turning my gaze from the Cullen bad boys who had now stormed off, back to the girls.

"Er...just thinking about that English essay I still have to do. Mr Berty's totally up my ass about it! I'm like 5 weeks late with it!" She quickly blurted out, exaggerating the rolling of her eyes as if to distract us from what she was really thinking about.

"Alice! Are you even paying attention to the new kids?" I shouted, frustrated now by her complete lack of interest. She studied them for a long while not speaking before Rosalie shook her.

"Are you even listening?" She probed. Alice shook out of her trance an then made up some line about them being hot, again trying to distract us from her obvious dis-interest. Rosalie completely fell for it, but I wasn't have any of it. I knew I had to pull her aside after school and force her to tell me the truth.

The rest of the day was a drag. I listened to the latest tunes on my ipod through every boring class trying to get to the end of the day without hanging myself. God how I hated school. Then the final bell rang and I scurried off to grab Alice before she left. When I got the car park Alice and Rosalie were hugging goodbye. I made it over in time just as Rosalie pulled away, waved, and sped off in full speed.

"Alice! Wait" I called as she was stepping into her car. She looked at me hesitantly and then smiled.

"What's up?" She asked confused. Usually after school I'd just climb in the car that picked me up, and drive off without saying goodbye.

"Fancy doing something?" I asked hopeful she'd say yes. She frowned for a second, completely bewildered by my change of behaviour. And then she smiled.

"Yeah sure! What?" She asked excited.

"Erm..." I thought about it, struggling. There wasn't really anything I liked to do other than shop, gossip, bitch or party, so we were a bit limitless since all the good stores were closed by now. "Your house?" I suggested, thinking we could have a little dress up session in her closets, like we used to do all the time before Junior year started.

"Yeah!" Her face lit up at the suggestion. I frowned a little, wondering why it was such a shock to Alice that I wanted to hang out. Had I really been that distant from her recently? Ah well! "Should I call Rosalie over?" She asked.

"NO" I belted out, a little too loudly than was meant, making her even more confused. "I mean well I'm sure she said she was busy with something, and besides it would be nice to spend time with just you!" I quickly added, with a sickly sweet smile. She accepted that and smiled back. I called off my driver and then climbed into the passenger seat of her Porches, dying to pick her brain about earlier today! As she pulled out of the parking lot, I smiled a sly smile out of the window, feeling smug. GOD I WAS A GOOD LIAR!

Edward

WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT BINT? I thought to myself, fucking confused as to why some slutty whore in a over the top, sickening yellow Porches was smiling like an evil bitch out the window at me! Desperate or what! I could tell by all the classes I had, had this afternoon every fucking girl in the school, besides farm girl, was a total, utter slut. Half the girls had skirts up their asses, flashing their thongs and fannies for all the world to see, some more of a turn on than others. If not skirts, it was the tight pants and skimpy tops parading their tits right in your face. One girl, who had decided to make herself our little tour guide, until Emmett threatened to shove his fist up her ass unless she fucked off, had the biggest fucking tits I'd ever seen except in those porno mags! Yes I was a dirty fucking horny bastard, but if you shoved it in my face I'm going to look. As nice as it was to get a glimpse at their bodies, they all looked pretty fake and phoney with their plastered on make-up, over excessive bling and gigantic porn star heels, an they walked around like plastic bimbo's really truly believing how hot they were!

"Who you eyeing up?" Emmett asked, as we climbed into my silver Volvo to make a speedy exit from this fucking playboy mansion!

"No one! Their all fucking plastic, and the rest total prostitutes!"

"I know!" He beamed looking like he'd died and gone to slut heaven. "Daddy's home girls!" He cheesily said, rubbing his hands together, sending shivers down my spine, and not in a good way.

"Eurgh! You have fucking bad taste!" I said pulling out with force, and speeding off into the road to get as far away from that place as possible.

"It's you my friend that doesn't have taste! Come on Edward, just look at these girls! Their fucking sex on legs, I'm telling you this is going to be a fucking great year!" He smiled to himself, closing his eyes and thinking about all the lay's he could get. "Their so fucking easy, their practically begging for it!" He added licking his lips.

"AW MAN! Save the jacking off for later kay?" I said angrily, grimacing at his horny bullshit. As much as I liked having someone I could be mildly open with, THAT open was unacceptable, especially in my car! He just laughed it off and went back to imagining whatever it is he was imagining in silence.

"How was your first day at school?" Carlisle asked when we got in. I dumped my wet bag on the kitchen counter and slouched down into the leather couch putting my dirty feet up on the arm rest. Carlisle sighed but didn't bother arguing with me. It was pointless. Emmett took his place in his chair, slouching down into lazy mode, and flicking the channel's over and over until he settled on some rock music channel. Hardcore angsty metal was just what I needed to get over the shitty school experience.

"Fine" Emmett finally answered in a monotone voice. The desperation for drugs slowly started to creep up on him again.

"Make friends?" Carlisle asked again, trying to be more involved in our lives but failing miserably. I felt kind of bad, he tried so hard but I'd be damned if I let anyone in.

"Yeh" Emmett added again, still monotone. He looked at me and nodded gesturing for us to leave the room so he could talk to me. Carlisle said goodbye and for us to behave as he went of to work, seemingly depressed by our lack of interest in talking to him.

"We need to get some fucking shit man, I NEED a fix!" He said really seriously and agitated. I agreed with him, but where the fuck would we go? We didn't know this town, and we were way too far from New York to drive to one of our old dealers. "I heard some guy talking in school about scoring some dope from a guy who calls himself fish or something!" He said swaying about and fidgeting. Clearly the view of the slutty girls in school had been enough to distract him from his yurning craving to get high.

"Well that's a fucking help! I'm sure if I type in google 'fish' it will list his address!" I sarcastically joked, feeling annoyed. He didn't respond.

"They said they were meeting him at the bridge near the river tonight at 8 so I thought we'd go along, I mean we might as fucking well! I'm desperate here man!" He moaned.

"So am I but this guy could be a fucking nutter, and he's only expecting these so called lads. What's he going to do when two never been seen lads show up at some dodgy fucking bridge asking for drugs? He'll think were fucking cops or snitches and fucking kill us!" I informed, thinking back to when me and Emmett had run into some trouble in New York, trying to score crack through this new dealer and in turn received two black eyes, almost broken ribs and bloody noses. That guy ended up killing his wife, kid and 5 other men a few months after because he was really fucking paranoid and fucked in the head with all the drugs, it sent him over the top.

"What else we fucking going to do?" He shouted getting really angry now. I shrugged trying to think of a solution but failing miserably.

"We should talk to that guy in school tomorrow see if he can introduce us to his dealer, or score us some stuff because seriously I'm not getting my arse kicked tonight being stupid!"

"Tomorrow!" He groaned. "I can't fucking wait for tomorrow? I'm fucking bouncing off the walls as it is already mate!" I rolled my eyes at him, frustrated myself and then made my way to Carlisle's room, raiding his secret stash of medicine, he kept at home in case any of us got ill. AH GOT YAH! I praised as I picked up his stash of Zanex and went back to Emmett.

"Here!" I said shoving three tablets into his hand.

"What the fuck is this?" He asked, his eyes now wide with curiosity.

"Just take it! It's good shit!" I ordered, wanting him to believe he was taking something stronger. He smiled in relief and then we both swallowed the Zanex and fell into a drowsy high. GOD I WAS GOOD!

Alice

The journey to my house in my car was agony! I gripped firm hold of the steering wheel so hard my hands began to hurt. I could see by the sly look on her face exactly why she wanted to get me alone. She wanted to quiz me about lunch time. I knew there was no way I could get away with lying to her, I was too obvious and she'd known me practically my entire life. Even so this was just one secret I didn't want to talk about!

I pulled up in the driveway and exited the car, smiling at Bella and trying to remain calm and positive. She still had a sly grin on her face, as she waltzed into my house and threw her stuff at our house maid without acknowledging her.

We spent an hour up in my closet trying on outfits and taking photo's without one word about it. I was starting to feel more confident that I might have gotten away with it. WRONG!

"So..." She began, tapping her fingers on my bed and giving me her interrogation glare. "Who got your attention today at lunch? Because I _know _it wasn't the newbies!" She said, raising her eye brow and smirking. I swallowed hard, and stiffened, dreading her response. She clearly thought it was some hot Jock or outsider or something, but once she found out who I was really staring at...all hell was going to break loose!

Jasper

"JASPER! Hunny is that you?" My mother squeaked, as I attempted (and failed) to enter the house unheard! She came jumping through and wrapped her tiny arms around my neck. Then she started crying. I sighed and put my arms around her. Dad must of hit her again.

"It's ok mom!" I comforted, rubbing her back gently as her wet tears drowned into my shoulder. After a while she pulled back, sniffed and rubbed her eyes, pulling the side of her lips up into a brave smile. I smiled back, not so brave. Then I noticed the finger marks on her neck and gigantic bruise starting to form on her left eye. My eyes started to burn as I tried to hold back my tears. How could this happen, again?!

"Don't you worry about me, I'll be just fine!" She stuttered, trying to sound happy and positive, but her voice cracking. She dragged her feet back to the lounge and shit the door behind her, bursting into tears. I knew she wanted to be alone so I shut myself away in my room, lay on the bed hunched up and clung to my bible, praying to god to make it all stop. My father hadn't always been this way. When I was a little boy he would take me fishing every Saturday, just the two of us. He was my hero, and I looked up to him so much so I wanted to be him when I was older. He was our town vicar, and everybody loved him! My mother was the love of his life, and they were so in love I used to dream me and Alice would be that one day. Then my mother got pregnant with Jamie, when I was 8 years old. They were so happy, so incredibly happy and even I loved having a baby brother to look after. I'd read from from the bible to him, and he'd always look up at me with this bright, beautiful smile that would melt even the blackest of hearts! Jamie was everybody's light! You'd be having a terrible day and then one smile from him and all your troubles would wash away instantly! Then, _that_ summer, I turned 11 and everything changed for the worst. It pained me to even think of what had happened, and what followed there after. My father quit his job as a vicar and took up drinking to the end of every whisky bottle he got his hands on. And my poor mother, who struggled to keep us a float in our run down, shack, suffered at the hands of his anger.

After that summer I started at forks high school, a place I thought I would settle and make friends that I could spend time with and forget about the misery at home. I knew Alice was going to the same school, and that made me happy because during that summer she had been the only person I was allowed to talk to. I sat waiting for her eagerly in the lunch room, excited to see her beautiful face again! But as she entered the lunch room, with her hair all chopped to bits, and wearing the most depressing frown that was so un-Alice-like my heart sank. What's worse is Bella had turned into the most vile creature ever to walk the planet, and Alice must have confided in her about what had happened to me over summer break. No matter what had happened to Bella that summer, she had no right to do what she did. Next thing I knew I became the subject of torture from every student. They used the horror of what had happened against me and it broke me into pieces. And then I did the worst thing I could of done, especially to my mother. I tried to kill myself. That was my lowest point for sure. And that was then I took more faith in church and the lord, and completely focused all my attention on my sacred religion, because I wanted to become a vicar myself one day. It got me through the hardest time of my life! And I forgave Alice for saying anything, because I knew how close her and Bella was, and even Bella was nice at one point in her life. Not any more though! That's why I still was in complete shock that she would even look at me let alone be working eagerly with me in drama!

That night I went to bed with a beautiful dream of our wedding day! I really did love Alice. But she could never love a fuck up like me!


	4. Chapter 4

**Bella**

After spending half an hour turning Alice's closet into a war zone, we sat down on her gigantic four poster bed to gossip whilst half heartedly watching desperate housewives on the television.

"So..." I started drumming my fingers on her bed. There was no way she was getting out of this conversation, even if she thought she had! I just made sure I bided my time so that I could hit her with it out of the blue, and get a genuine response! "Who got your attention today at lunch? Because I _know _it wasn't the newbies!" I pressed, noticing her stiffen up and beginning to panic! Ah the cleverness of me!

"Oh you mean the new boys?!" She suggested, as if she didn't know what I was talking about.

"Don't play miss innocent with me missy, I know you better than anyone! Who were you eyeing up?" She gulped, trying to wash her face of shock with innocence but I could see right through her, as always.

"I don't know what you talking about!" She whimpered, pretending to watch the television now.

"Suuure you don't! Just like Rosalie didn't want to admit she was totally eye fucking with that Jock today! Just spit it out Al it's me Bella...you know you can trust me!" And that was true. Only Alice and Rosalie could fully trust that anything they told me in confidence would go no further than us. Just like I could with them. It was a rule. Anyone else the rule didn't apply. She sighed defeated and began fidgeting with her jeans.

"Don't be angry ok?" She asked, a little scared as she peered up with her eyes to watch my face carefully. And then the ball dropped, and I knew exactly who she was staring at today. How could I not know? A shred of anger washed over my face now, at the realisation.

"ALICE!" I screamed, so disappointed in her. She hunched herself up to avoid my glare.

"I know!" She screeched.

"What are you thinking?!" I shook my head.

"I can't help it Bella!" She defended herself. I just glared at her more. How could she possibly still be fixated on...him! Eurgh, the very thought made me want to puke.

"He's a fucking bible bashing, nerdy, weird boy! He sits alone all the time, nobody likes him because he just wants to talk about god and shit all the time, and make you feel like your doing something so wrong by not saving yourself for marriage! I mean what utter bullshit is that?! He's the only boy in the entire school who is a fridged prude, and thinks sex is like murdering someone! It's total sick! HOW can you still like this loser? Even the losers and nerds of the school have gotten laid!" I stated, cringing at the image.

"Seriously?" She asked scrunching her face together in horror.

"Yeah..." Then I gagged.

"Eurgh now that's disturbing!"

"Yes it it! But so is you, crushing on Jasper Whitlock! You'll never get him into bed, and even if you did...eurgh I can't even think about how revolting it would be!" She chuckled a little. I couldn't see what was funny about this.

"That's exactly it though. You have to admit he is pretty fucking hot! Yeah he's a complete freak, but that delicately refined body of his, those big gaping eyes, and that GORGEOUS curly blondish hair, it's just adorable! Don't you see...?" She hinted, expecting me to just suddenly see exactly why she wanted to bed a freak, even if he was kind of hot. "He's a challenge, and I love a challenge. The harder the better!" She enthused, literally almost bouncing up and down like a little girl about to go on some wild, exciting adventure.

"A challenge he might be but I seriously think you'd be wasting your time on this guy! Don't think people haven't tried before! I mean this school is full of girls flashing their goods about, and making it known that their easy! Does he even look at them? No. Tasha, the biggest fucking breasted girl in the school tried real hard last year, and failed miserably. Now I know your prettier but come one...he's fridged! Just face it Al, you'd be better pursuing a gay man!" She winced her face a little subdued, dropping the subject now as we sat quietly watching the tele. She knew I was right about Jasper. He was so into his religion, nobody could crack that whip. And if I knew Alice, there's no way she could have a relationship with anyone without the sex! No way!

**Edward**

The following day I woke up in a pool of cold sweat. My head was banging at the walls ready to explode, and there was a nasty stench of vomit seeming through my nose. I had been sick all over my bed, floor and clothes, and what's worse I now didn't have anything clean to wear! I slowly went to pick up the alarm clock, unwillingly, and could see it was only 6am. Enough time to do laundry, I thought.

As I passed Emmett's room holding a bunch of stale clothes I could see he was in a worse state than me, to the point I thought I might actually be sick again. I slammed his door shut and ran down the stairs to escape the eye blinding stench he'd mustered up. Carlisle had already left for work so I didn't have to explain why I looked like the anti-christ, and I could quietly put a wash on without his harsh words.

Emmett came down, zombiefied, an hour after, rubbing his eyes and forehead and groaning in pain.

"What the fuck did you give me last night?" He slurred, stumbling through the laundry room door.

"Zanex!"

"That wasn't fucking Zanex! Do I look calm to you? I was fucking flying of the walls all night, and not in a good way! Felt like I was in a fucking washing machine on full fucking blast!"

"That's because we took 3 instead of the recommended dosage! One wouldn't of cut it the state you were in last night, desperate for a fucking fix, you would of bulldozed your room!" I pointed out, feeling like absolute shit myself. Washing machine? That's putting it lightly!

"Have you seen my room? It stinks of vomit, piss and shit...I think it pretty much has been bulldozed!" He groaned in pain again falling to the floor and leaning against the wall hunching his knees into his chest. "Never again!" He groaned again. I laughed.

After a much needed shot of vodka, and glass of water we were ready to drag our selves into school. We covered our eyes with our sunglasses again, and unwillingly stepped into the school grounds, still being scrutinised by everyone.

"HEY!" Someone shouted behind me. I spun round to see the principal with a very quizzical brow, staring right at me, definitely pissed! I sighed and dragged my feet over to him.

"Yes sir!" I said with a rather rude tone.

"Mr Banner said you were missing from class yesterday! I suppose you have a good reason for that?" He pried sarcastically, knowing full well I just ditched for no reason.

"Got my period!" I joked, clearly he didn't see the humour. I could hear Emmett bellow into laughter behind me, until the principal stared him down harshly.

"GO TO CLASS BOY!" He screamed at him, turning his attention back to me. "I will NOT take your nonsense! Do you hear me boy?" He yelled, emphasising each word like they were important or something. He reminded me of this dickhead preacher who had tried to convert me by asking me to go on some Christian walk about to ask god to be re-born and revived or some shit like that. I laughed in the fuckers face. "You may have been able to pull stunts like that at your own school, but not here! This is an upstanding school, we don't tolerate ANY hooligans!" He carried on preaching. I wanted to laugh in his face. Was he blind? Could he not see how provocatively dressed all the girls here were? Could he not see couples all but having sex in between periods scattered around the halls and cafeteria? This school was more like a brothel than upstanding! I just nodded to him and went to class, really wanting to avoid sitting in his office all day every day! I guess I was going to have to bite the bullet and go to Biology, as much as I hated it!

**Alice**

I pulled up outside school this morning, purposefully parking my car next to his. Jasper always got to school 2 hours to early, so I knew he'd be inside somewhere studying. As much as Bella's words rang true in my head, that it would be an impossible task, I still couldn't listen. The more impossible the task the more I couldn't resist. I would not stop until he was mine! Whether I had to use force or not!

Rosalie and Bella met me at the front doors as we went to our first class and ranted on about the party coming up this weekend. Mike Newton, the most VILE boy in the school, was throwing a huge bash at his parents house (whilst they were away on some cruise). As much as everyone hated Mike, because he was such a pervy bastard and not even remotely good looking, he knew how to throw a kick ass party, and the night was always pretty wild. The last party he threw ended up causing 20 grands worth of damage, and got Mike and a few other of his closest mates thrown in a cell for 48 hours. His parents didn't really care much. I guess I felt sorry for Mike in that way. Neither of them cared about him, not even a tiny bit. When they were home they were always at work or staying in their private condo not to far away. And the rest of the time they spent on holidays. Still being rejected by your parents didn't excuse his disgusting behaviour towards women. And I mean disgusting!

"What are you guys wearing on Saturday?" Rosalie asked whilst we all sat painting our nails in...maths class was it? Ah who cares!

"The blue silk dress over my other leather pants. And some big ass heals of course!" Bella enthused. We both oohed and ahed at her, because it was customary with Bella to always make sure you were enthusiastic about her wardrobe choices! No one ever dared question. But her choice sounded really good! Blue suited her complexion really well, and she had the best figure for leather pants!

"I think I might wear the mini red frilly dress, the one daddy bought me for my salsa showcase!" Rosalie suggested. "I wore the black one for that though. Scored me extra points with the judges if you know what I mean!" She winked, laughing to herself. I rolled my eyes at her.

"What are you planning to wear Alice?" Bella asked blowing at her nails.

"No idea yet!" I answered. Bella and Rosalie always pre picked their outfits in advance with a back up outfit standing next to them. They were always so prepared. I on the other had could never fully decided until last minute. Bella shook her head at me.

"I can't wait for this party it's going to be rad!" Rosalie enthused practically jumping up and down.

"Looking forward to seeing Mike again are we?!" Bella joked laughing. Rosalie pulled her face up at her. "I still can't believe you slept with him!" Bella added, laughing more now as I joined in.

"SHUT UP GUYS!" We laughed harder.

"Wasn't he your first as well?" I asked, grimacing at the image of anyone even going near that frog let alone sleeping with him!

"Look it's not a fucking big deal guys leave it!" She ordered, blushing beetroot colour.

"Not a big deal?! Mike was your first are you fucking kidding me?!" Bella screamed as quietly as she could so no one else could hear.

"Shh! Look I knew him since kindergarten right? And then one night when we were 12 we decided to experiment on each other that's all! I wish it had been anyone but him but it wasn't! Just drop it guys please, I'm already embarrassed enough!" She pleaded.

"You never told me this!" Bella accused, looking a little mad.

"She never told me either" I added quickly. "well not all the details. I didn't _actually _believe he was your first! I mean what the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't!"

"That's for damn sure!" Bella said shaking her head. For the rest of the lesson we were all quiet. I took a quick glance to see if Rosalie was ok. It looked as though she had a tear running down her cheek, but the way she was trying to hide her face let me know she wanted to be left alone. So I turned back and pretended to do some work until the bell rang and I hastily made my way to the cafeteria to see him again! The beautiful, stunning Jasper. And then I sighed. This is going to be _very _hard indeed!

**Jasper**

"Jasper your science work is slipping!" Principal Aro went on as I sat awkwardly in his old, smelly office. "Your grades in all your other classes are out of this world! Never below a 97% score which is what we strive to find in student! But for some reason your science work reaches no more than a 70% average! I'm thinking maybe we've loaded you with too much, by having you choose the top science class, and maybe we'd be better bringing you down to an intermediate level" It wasn't even a question. I nodded in agreement knowing I didn't really have a choice. Not that it mattered, science was never my strong subject! I didn't see the damn point in it! "We'll test drive it any how, and see how it goes! Effective immediately!" He stated, writing something down on the papers in front of him. I grimaced at the thought of being in another class with different people. I was so used to my original class, and I hated change, because change meant things could get worse. "Looking at your schedule for today it looks as though you have biology before lunch today...instead of going to your normal class please go to Mr Molina's classroom instead, you know where that is don't you?" He asked peering up out of his huge, granny specs!

"Yes I do" I replied smiling confidently.

"Great! Your one of Forks' best students Jasper Whitlock, we just want to see you blossom into a magnificent success!" He boasted, with all this over the top enthusiasm that really wasn't necessary. I knew what I wanted to do with my life, and nobody could make me think differently!

I turned up to my 'new' biology class, scared out of my wits. The kids here were unpredictable, and I had managed to mould into all my classes without receiving any trouble. So this was really pushing my boundaries, especially when I knew a lot of students who were just waiting to jump me at any chance they could! I clutched firm hold of the door and pushed it open, being met with many preying eyes, and a harsh look from Mr Molina.

"Can I help you?" He asked, looking me up and down. "Are you lost boy?"

"N...no" I stuttered, feeling my legs vibrating dementedly underneath me. I didn't dare look at the rest of the class, at risk of being scorned. "Principal Aro sent me here...erm...to join your class..." I said hoping he had been informed to save further embarrassment.

"Ah yes! It's Whitlock right?"

"Yes"

"Well take a seat, anywhere that's free, and _don't _ever be late to my class again! Lateness is not acceptable in this class!" He informed, with scornful eyes. I hesitantly smiled, and turned to find the nearest, empty seat I could. My mouth dropped to the ground when I saw who was in the class. ALICE! FUCK! SHIT! BUGGER! OH no! Please forgive me god, I thought, mad with myself for using foul language. Damn Alice and her affect on me! To make matters worse she was the only one with a free seat next to her, so I had to painfully stand every day now sat just a few centimetre's from her! It was bad enough we had drama together two times a week, now I had science class with her every single day! What was next? Sex Ed! Blooming Nora!

"Hi" She smiled, as I sat down beside her. My heart stopped beating.

"Hi" I shuddered, smiling back at her like a possessed clown! She didn't seemed too freaked out though.

"So how did you get banished to this sorry class then?" She asked, giggling.

"Erm...Principal Aro sent me. Wasn't doing too well in my other class so I got downgraded!" I replied, attempting to smile normally.

"Well just thank goodness you did!" She said smiling to herself. I blushed bright red and gulped.

"Thanks...I guess" I said, confused as to why she was complimenting me. Maybe it was ok that she liked my ideas in drama, but to actually like..._me_...was just WOW!

"How you doing these days?" She asked quizzically. I was doing pretty awful, but I wouldn't admit to that.

"Good...yeah. You?"

"Yeah! Fab!" She over exaggerated.

"It's funny talking to you again! Feel like it's ages since we last properly spoke! Madness hey?" She commented, seeming to stare into space.

"Yeah it has! I guess though we...you have your own clique now so, makes thing...difficult!" I stated looking away feeling sad. She seemed to take a deep breath and shift awkwardly.

"Yeh...difficult" She said in a monotone voice. I looked up at her looking very defeated and depressed. I guess life wasn't as peachy for her as I thought.


	5. Chapter 5

**Bella**

The whole day was becoming the biggest bore of the year yet! Apart from our little squabble with Alice over her disgusting new man target, nothing interesting happened. Even the new kids were starting to bore me, I had at least expected farm girl to pull a stunt that would raise the ends of my mouth into a somewhat smile!

I tried to focus my attention on the big party that was coming up at the weekend as I dragged my lazy feet into Biology class. Luckily I had a place on my own so I didn't have to waste my pitiful energy talking to the rest of the losers that occupied Biology. Mike had tried once to sit beside me, until I jabbed my compass into his hand and threatened if he ever touched me or tried to come on to me again I'd be stabbing something much sharper somewhere down south! He ran out of class crying like the fucking wimp that he was, and never spoke two words to me again. Pussy!

I dumped my Marc Jacobs bag on the desk, slumped into the hard, uncomfortable lab chair, and yanked out my mobile to load up on the latest gossip. It was raining pretty hard outside, yet again, and the class was strangely quiet as we all sat waiting for Mr Banner to arrive to attempt to '_stimulate'_ us, as he would say! I was quietly texting, lost in my own thoughts on clothes for the weekend when I heard the chair next to me screech across the floor, as someone sat down. I sighed in frustration and turned to face the intruder.

I must admit I was shocked to see who was sitting down. It wasn't anyone I knew, or hated (at least not yet), he was one of the hot newbies. Edward, I think his name was, and he was looking rather ravishing in his short sleeved white t-shirt, flashing his penetrating muscles you just wanted to dig your teeth into. His gorgeous, slick, wet black hair was flopped over his eyes which he hid with those signature sunglasses. But no matter how hot he looked, and how much I wanted to jump his bones he was still crossing the line.

"What do you think your doing?" I bitterly asked, subtly rummaging through my bag for the compass, just in case!

"Sitting" He said rather sarcastically. I gritted my teeth together, and crushed my hand into my phone.

"Listen" I started, hissing between my clenched teeth. "Your new here so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt! This seat is _not_ available! So find somewhere else to park, _bye bye!_" I said sarcastically, gesturing for him to piss the fuck off! He turned his head to face me, removing his sunglasses and glaring at me as if I should be scared. He really doesn't know who he's dealing with.

"And where do you suggest I sit?"

"I don't _care_ where the fuck you sit asshole, sit on Mr Banner for all I care, but your not fucking sitting there!" I shouted, piercing my face at him as a warning. I clutched at the compass in my hand, ready to attack if necessary. Mr Banner had come in the room at this point and was talking about some shitty frogs spawn or some crap like that, whilst writing on the board, but me and Edward remained locked on each other.

"I'll fucking sit where I like thank you very much slut! And don't you go thinking I'm above hitting a women!" He threatened, clenching his fists.

"Ha! Don't you go underestimating _me_! I'll f..."

"Excuse me!" Mr banner interrupted, slamming his hand on our desk. "Unless this is a heated debate on frogs or spawn, which I highly doubt it since _you_ miss Swan have failed to make passing grades for _quite_ some time now, then I suggest you two can it now! One more peep out of either of you and you'll be spending the rest of your days in the principals office _together!_" He shouted, furrowing his brow so hard you could see all of his thick wrinkles. Yuk! We both sighed in frustration, nodded and gave each other a quick harsh glance before going back to listening to Mr Banner. God I hated this prick! He may be gorgeous but he was pushing all the wrong buttons and there was no way I was standing for that! Heads are going to roll.

**Edward**

Who the fuck did this bitch think she was? Was every slut in this school a fucking psychopath? Carlisle had just become my number 1 enemy for making us move to this shit whole of a town! Well maybe number 2, this Bella chick definitely topped the bill! If her little '_episode_' before wasn't enough she then decided to jab me in the leg with a fucking compass!

"OW!" I screamed, smacking my fist down on her arm to push it away.

"OUCH" She screamed, punching my arm back.

"ARE YOU A FUCKING PSYCHO?" I screamed at her. Who the fuck stabs someone with a compass? She just gave me a sly smile, further pushing my patience. I didn't believe in hitting a girl, even though I often threatened to, but this bitch was seriously coming close to getting a fist in her face.

"Well if you can't handle it you know where the door is!" She scorned, raising her eyebrow and grinning. How pathetic! Before I could scream something back at her Mr Banner slammed his fist down on the desk again.

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU TWO? That is enough, I've had it with the both of you! OF to principal Aro's office NOW!" He screamed, really angry now. I would of punched the douche bag in the face had it not been for the fact he so kindly reminded me that we were being sent to the principals office. Eurgh, mouldy farts, an old grump, mixed in with a crazy bitch equalled a recipe for disaster!

We walked silently to the office, neither one of us looking at the other, knowing that if we did there would probably be a fight and I certainly didn't want another night in the cell for hitting a girl. Plus she probably would press charges out of spite so I kept my mind focused on the drugs me and Emmett had scored earlier. At least this day would end positively, if nothing else.

"Mr Cullen!" Principal Aro bemused, furrowing his brow and shaking his head. "It didn't take you long to come back here did it?" He raised his eyebrow as if to make some fucking clever point! Dick! "And miss Swan...well I'm not surprised to see you here either! You haven't made a single passing grade for quite some time now. Too busy discussing your next '_party'_ or painting your nails!" He accused. Guess little miss skanky pants wasn't much of a good girl herself. "Well that's all about to change! You both are going to learn that this school does _not_ accept failures! Every lesson you have will be spent in this office, _every_ day and you can learn to work together, become '_best buddies_' or whatever, but you will learn to be civil! And if you don't play ball I'll take away your lunch breaks as well! I know how you like them" He said slyly. Bella tensed when he threatened to take away her lunch breaks, and as much as I'd like to do anything just to annoy the bitch, I didn't particularly want my lunch breaks to be spent in this dump. Not when I could be snorting something instead. We reluctantly went and sat in his office, as he placed one gigantic biology text book in front of us, for us both to _share_ and work on together. I guess he was serious about us being civil to one another. A small growl exited my mouth. "Now I have some things to be getting on with so I trust you both will behave nicely!" He said smiling the most annoying smile I'd ever seen, and then gliding out the room like a pixie or something. Me and Bella exchanged harsh glances and then delved into the book, neither one of us really paying attention to the work.

"So...I saw you at lunch today" She said after a while of silence. I gritted my teeth together again, she was _really_ irritating!

"Yeah...and?"

"And I saw you and your...brother is it? Any ways you were talking to Uley brothers. That can only mean one thing...trying to score?" She pried with this sadistic smile on her face.

"What's it to you?"

"Well Sam Uley and his brother are known for screwing people over regarding drugs and shit. Everybody knows they charge twice as much than it's worth, plus they have a dodgy dealer so half of the time your probably shooting fruit juice up your arm instead of anything more substantial! Couple of years ago Jane scored some powder from them, thought she was getting high but she was actually getting high on sherbet! If you want some narcotics, I can get you some. Depends on what your poison is, but I can pretty much score any shit you want!" She boasted. I looked at her completely puzzled, silent for a second.

"Are you mixing medication or something?" I finally said, confused as to why she was offering me her services, when only minutes before she was fucking stabbing me in the leg!

"Ha...you could say that!" She said, smiling.

"Why would I believe anything you say any way?"

"Because _Mr Cullen_! In case you haven't noticed I'm pretty much the leader around this dump, everything goes through me! Every school has there hierarchy and in this school that would be me, and my girls! I can make things hard for you, or easy, depending on how you like to play. And if you ask any one else in this school, they will tell you the best person to go for, for drugs would be me or my girl Tasha, although even Tasha has trouble scoring sometimes, so generally just me! Now what shit you want?" She pressed, looking at me seriously now. I pursed my lips together, not knowing whether I should believe this bint or not. I had, had my suspicions earlier when talking to Sam, but could I really trust this girl? All I knew is we _needed_ something tonight, zanex wasn't cutting it, and I trusted her more than I did that Sam.

"Can you get acid?" I asked.

"Sure...LSD?" She asked.

"Yeah that'll do. Unless you can get a mixture?"

"Of what?"

"Acid and MDMA. Fucking awesome shit!" I said, smiling at the memory of the last time we dropped that shit, it was absolute class. Although we paid for it in the morning!

"Sure I can do that. One sec" She said standing up and moving to close the door. Once the door was closed she took out her phone and made a call.

"Yo Felix! Hey man! Listen I need some stuff yeah? 2Ci...yeah that's right...yeah...awesome! Can you get it today? As soon as poss! Good shit! Cheers FeFe, love ya, bye!" She enthused, hanging up. "Right! FeFe's dropping the stuff off after school's out. You got a car?" She asked sitting back down.

"Yeah..."

"Right well wait some time after school till everyone's gone then you can drive us to the old church, that's where FeFe's meeting us! You got money right?"

"Yeah I do but..."

"Good! All sorted! By the way, you can thank me by a little taster! I know a fun place we can go..." She suggested grinning again. I smiled a little, as crazy as she was, her craziness was kind of a turn on. Apart from the stabbing of course!

**Alice**

Jasper was such a sweetheart. Part of me still only wanted to win him over just for the game of it, but there was a small part that actually wanted to get to know him, properly. He always seemed like a bit of a dark mystery, with a dark past. I knew what happened to him during _that_ one terrible summer, and that he had it rough at home, but there was so much more to him that nobody knew. I didn't blame him for not talking to anyone about stuff though, especially after what Bella did.

"Hows things at home?" I subtly asked, hoping things were better for him.

"Erm...great!" He lied, hiding his face now.

"I know things have been difficult. I hope it's all sorted now?" I said, not really knowing what to say. It had been too long since we'd spoken, _way_ too long. But I had been distracted for so long, it kind of felt like I had been in a coma these past few years, and was finally starting to wake up. Drugs really did fuck your life up, and I was glad I stopped touching that shit any more. But something in Jasper's face, and the way he snorted at what I said told me, he still held somewhat of a small grudge. If only he knew it wasn't my fault!

"Like you'd care!" He said harshly, under his breath. I sighed, feeling a little sad. We'd just been getting on really well and now I'd fucked things up by being too damn nosey. But I couldn't just stop at that could I?

"Jasper...I do care! I know I havn't been around for you as much as I used to...when things were easier, and we were younger and before that...summer" I stuttered, avoiding saying the words out loud. What had happened that summer was so awful, so despicable, I didn't even know if Jasper would ever speak to me again if he knew. Plus it wasn't just my secret to tell! Jasper looked up at me now, with so much sadness and hatred in his eyes, I felt like crying.

"Why did you do it Al? Why did you do it?" He asked, his eyes welling up with tears. I tried to speak but I couldn't. I knew what he was asking me. He wanted to know why I told Bella. I kept trying to say the words but they just wouldn't come out. With my hesitation Jasper sighed in frustration, grabbed his stuff and ran out of the classroom, clearly upset. Mr Molina called after him but he darted out before anyone could catch him. Dammit Alice what have you gone and done now!

**Jasper**

I just couldn't stand to look at her any more. Why did she have to bring up my family? It was the one thing I tried to forget at school. It got me through the days without breaking down and crying. I saved that for at home, in my cold, wet bed, clutching on to my bed sheets, like they were the only source of comfort and love in my life. But Alice asks one simple question about things and BANG I can't handle it. I ran as fast as I could across the parking lot trying to escape before the kids could see I was the only one in the whole school who didn't have a car.

"JASPER!" Someone screamed behind me. I didn't want to turn around, so I just pushed my legs faster to the point they hurt. I was getting away pretty fast, until something sticking out on the path sent me flying head first into the grass, grazing my leg across the pavement. I gasped in pain, clutching at my leg, and not even noticing the blood dripping down from my nose.

"JASPER!" The person screamed again, much more high pitched. I couldn't move, and her screams got louder and louder as she fastly approached me now. Great! Couldn't even run away without failing at that too!

"Oh my god Jasper! Oh you ok?" She screeched as she bent down beside me to help. She softly placed her cold hand under my chin and turned my face to meet hers. It was her. In all her beauty, and in this light she almost looked angelic. "Jasper can you here me? Are you hurt?" She kept asking.

"Eurgh" Was all I could say.

"Do you need me to call an ambulance?" She asked, really concerned.

"No, no" I managed to say, sitting up now. "Just my leg, it's a little hurt" She looked at me in shock, gasping at something. I didn't realise what it was until I felt something drip of my chin.

"OH!" I gasped. "I'm bleeding!"

"Yeah! Looks like a nose bleed!" She said, scrunching her face up in disgust. She put her hand over her nose. "Sorry...I don't like blood much!" She said gagging.

"Sorry!" I apologised, wiping my nose with my sleeve.

"Do you need a ride home?" She asked, still not looking at me.

"Erm...no that's ok" I said, not really wanting her to see the state of the house I lived in.

"I don't think you can drive in this condition"

"It's ok I'll just get the bus!"

"What! Are you kidding? The bus is far too dangerous, especially in this neighbourhood. You have to let me drive you! I don't mind you know...just as long as you _try_ and keep from bleeding over the seats" She said smiling sympathetically at me.

"No honestly I'm fine! I...erm...I usually take the bus any way" I whispered, feeling embarrassed. She looked at me puzzled.

"But isn't that Jeep yours?" She asked, pointing the Jeep that was sat beside her Porsche.

"No...it's an abandoned Jeep. I...kind of erm...pretend it's mine. I can't afford a car you see!" I said bowing my head down in shame. She looked at me, sympathetically again and brushed a strand of my hair back into place.

"That's ok, I won't say anything" She smiled, the most beautiful smile in the world. "Come on!" She said, taking my arm and pulling me to my feet. "I'm driving you home no matter what you say! It's the least I can do!" And that was it, there was no way I could argue. Not with that face. I really was a fool in love. An undeserving fool!


	6. Chapter 6

(Author's note: Just a little warning, there's quite a lot of drug content in this scene, so if you don't like that stuff I wouldn't read :) it's a little lemony, just a little, and also this chapter is only Bella/Edward. Alice/Jasper will be the next chapter :) this might happen quite a bit as the story develops. Hope you like the joke hehe, Enchoy and don't forget to review xx)

**Bella**

Biology had been...interesting. Fighting with the new hotty bad boy in town was more fun than I realised, and I was glad that Edward had turned my boring day into something rather exciting. I hadn't gotten high in a long time, but Edward was wild to be around and I knew it'd be fucking great. Principal Aro came in at the end of the day and thanked us for 'behaving', and told us we could leave.

"Wait around the car park, ok?" I whispered to Edward. He nodded, put his sunglasses back on and stormed off. I ran off excitedly to the car park to meet up with the girls.

"Rosalie!" I shouted, as she was just about to step into her car.

"Hey Bells! Where have you been girl?" She bellowed, wrapping her arms around my neck. "Al isn't here neither, I thought you'd both left without me! Her cars gone so..." She bemused. I pinched my face in confusion, where the hell was Al? She never left before saying goodbye. There better be a good reason for that!

"Oh well! Listen..." I started really enthusiastically. Her face brightened up as she realised I had something exciting to tell her. "Any interest in getting shitfaced tonight totally on the house? I scored some 2ci, for the new boys, but Edward promised me a taste, since I was the one that got it for them!" I beamed.

"Nice! You know how I like a freebie!" She enthused. "Is Al joining us?"

"No, don't think she's into it any more. Besides I don't know where she's off at, so more for us hey!"

"Awesome! Where we going?"

"Well I'm hitching a ride with the boys to meet FeFe then were going down to the old loft. You want to meet us there?" I asked, since I knew her feelings toward Felix.

"Eurgh, yeah! Felix isn't joining us I hope?" She bemused. Felix had tried to come on to her once, and not in a nice way. He was high on amphetamines at the time! Generally he was a bit of a pervert but if you knew how to deal with him he was manageable.

"No! So you down?" I asked.

"Definitely! It beats sitting at home watching my mother drool over some old faggot on the TV!"

"Eurgh she's not still pining over that Peirce Morgan is she?"

"No, it's worse now! It's Jerry Springer" She barfed, gagging at the very image.

"OH NO! Ew that's really disgusting!"

"I know right! Sometimes I wonder if she really is my mother!" She bemused pulling her face.

"Well...I'll see you in a bit yeah? Pick up some vodka or Sambuca, we'll do some shots as well! I plan to get tots of my face!" I exclaimed.

"Me too! See you later Bells" She said, bouncing into her car and speeding off. The car park had pretty much emptied by now so I made my way over to where Edward and his brother Emmett were waiting.

"Discussing what happened on Gossip Girl at the weekend were you?" Edward said sarcastically, mocking a girls voice. I snarled at him.

"No, some of us aren't _sad_ enough to know what that is!" I mocked back. Obviously I've heard of that show, but the fact he had...he really was _irritating_! Emmett bellowed into laughter, and hit Edwards arm.

"Walked right into that one mate didn't you!" He joked still laughing.

"Shut up Emmett!" Edward growled at him, opening the car door with force. "After you, your _majesty_!" He said between his clenched teeth.

The drive there was pretty quiet, but I could still hear Edward's teeth crunching together. I smiled, he was fun to torture.

"Just round the corner?" He asked when we neared the old Church.

"Yeah that's right" I said, shifting my weight, ready to get out. He pulled up outside the church, jolting the car forward with such force I bashed my head lightly on the back of his chair. "Watch what your fucking doing jackass!" I screamed at him, attempting to smack him over the head with my hand but only catching the headrest. I could see him smirking in the review mirror and I just groaned and got out, slamming the door behind me. "Got the cash?" I snarled, as he wound his window down.

"Here you are princess!" He said in a mocking voice again. I flashed him a harsh glare and snatched the money from his hands. Could this prick get any more annoying? FeFe was stood, hidden in the shadowy doorway. Most of the 'exchanges' went down here because the area was derelict and the cops never suspected any drugs in our town so it worked out well.

"Hey FeFe!" I exclaimed, slapping his hand in an air greet.

"Hello Bella!" He said flirtatiously, looking me up and down and grinning.

"You got the stuff?" I asked quickly before he could start groping me.

"I do! Here you go" He said, carefully taking out a bag and sliding it subtly into my hand, then taking the dosh. "Be careful with that shit, it's fucking strong!"

"No problem! Won't be taking it alone" I said winking, and turning to leave.

"Hey...don't you want to give me...you know...something to say thank you!" He flirted, sticking his tongue out at me suggestively.

"You know I don't go down that way FeFe! As much as I love ya babe, that shits going down only in your dreams baby!" I winked, grinning and walked off to the car.

"Your such a tease Bella, you know you want me!" He joked waving me off and then disappearing.

"Another one of your...conquests!" Edward scorned, still smirking.

"He wishes! I got your shit" I said waving it in his face, and snatching it back before he could grab it.

"Then give it me!"

"When we get there, I don't trust you" I said climbing into the back.

"Your right not too!" Emmett started. "He's not known for being kind to people who stab him in the leg with a compass!" He said bursting into laughter.

"Aaaww! Come on, you know it turned you on!" I teased, winking at him. He growled again, speeding off into the road.

"So where the fucks this fun place?" He shouted.

"You know where The carver cafe is?" He nodded. "Just a little further north from there, there's an old loft, used to be a pub/club but it's empty now. That's where were going!" I directed. He nodded, and the conversation went dead again.

Rosalie was waiting outside of the loft when we arrived. I smiled at her, and jumped out of the car.

"What the fuck is she doing here?" Edward shouted.

"Nice! Well in Bella, she is a hot piece!" Emmett exclaimed.

"She's here because I invited her! You bring the booze sweety?" I asked Rosalie, ignoring Edwards clear annoyance by the fact I'd invited someone else along.

"Yep! I got both by the way, in case we decide to mix!"

"Ooo! Good shit!" I exclaimed grabbing the bottle of vodka from her hand and taking a swig. I turned to face Edward and held the bottle up. "See, now it's not a free party!" I grinned.

**Edward**

Bella waved the bottle of vodka in my face grinning like a mad women! As much as I hated the bitch she had decent taste in booze.

"Come on" She said gesturing towards the derelict building. From the outside it looked like some run down, dusty haunted house, but inside it was pretty clean. There was an empty bar, a stage which had 'danger' barrier tape wrapped around it, and some sofa chairs that had been left over from when it was a club. We all went and sat down on the sofa's and Bella took out the bag.

"You got anything to snort this with?" She asked.

"Yeah here" Emmett said taking out a small pipe and handing it to Bella.

"Thanks" She said pulling out a blank piece of paper and spreading the powder over it into a line. "Here I go!" She exclaimed smiling and then bending down, holding her finger over one side of her nasal and then snorting the powder up the other. She lifted her head and made a sexy noise, it almost made me hard, _almost_!

"Fuck me that shits good!" She said, squinting her eyes as the stuff kicked in.

"Give me!" Rosalie said, grabbing the pipe. When it finally got to me I sighed in relief. God I needed this! I made sure I didn't snort too much, remembering the state I was in last time, but enough to get high. As I snorted it up my nose I got this massive rush, burning into my brain. My nose stung with pain, and my eyes burned with hot tears, but it felt fucking wonderful, like my whole body was on fire. I lay back on the couch and closed my eyes to let it hit. Bella and Rosalie were doing shots of Sambuca with Emmett who was eyeing Rosalie up. Emmett passed me the bottle of vodka and I swigged a big dose of it down, burning my throat in the process.

"God I feel...sexy!" Rosalie said, standing up and moving her body like their was some kind of slow music going on.

"Oh god yeah, can you hear that?" Bella said bobbing her head at the same speed as Rosalie moved. "AW yeah! Fuck me!" She shouted, slamming her hand on the couch. I thought for a second they'd gone crazy but all of a sudden this noise starting ringing in my mind. It sounded like the opening to Jon Bon Jovi's 'living on a prayer' but I couldn't be sure. Even so I was bobbing my head along as well. Emmett stood up and went to dance behind Rosalie, pushing her body into his and moving at her speed. I started laughing like a hyena, and Bella joined in too. Bella was right, this shit was good!

"Edwardo...you sexy fucker!" Bella said still laughing, with her eyes half open. "Come s-sit next to me!" She slurred, patting the seat next to her. I would of told her to fuck right off had it not been for the fact I was high. I slumped beside her and lay my head back.

"Your fucking psycho!" I slurred, not being able to hear the words coming out of my mouth. The ceiling started moving, round and round and round and making pretty colours of purples and blues and reds and pinks, it was...trippy!

"Aww I'm trippiiiing" She said making funny noises. "Woooooo" She squealed. "Look at them two sexing it up!" She said laughing again. I turned my head as best I could with everything blurred. Rosalie and Emmett were rolling about on the floor like they were in some bear brawl of something, attacking each other.

"YEAH SEXY BABY!" Bella screamed. I laughed, a high pitched, strange laugh that didn't sound like I owned it. Emmett and Rosalie were going at it right in front of my eyes, and all I could do was laugh.

"Get in there my son!" I said, making some kind of fist gesture. The whole room was spinning now, and I felt amazing, like I was flying around and around.

"Shalls we's leaves thems alones?" Bella said in a funny, childlike voice.

"I think so!" I said as she stood up and yanked me off the couch, dragging me by the hand as I fell all over the place, over to the stage. "It says danger" I pointed out, pointing to the tape.

"DANGER IS FUN!" She shouted pulling me over to the stage. "Come on dance with me" She pushed, trying to pull my waist into hers so we could dance on each other. I pushed her away falling backwards and pulling her with me on top of me. She started laughing really loudly, rolling about beside me on the stage. I looked up to the ceiling and could see why it was dangerous here. The roof looked like it was caving in, and one of the lights was smashed and hanging off. If that fell on you it'd crush right through you like some scene out of final destination! I laughed and sat myself up, trying to pull a floppy Bella off of the stage. She just kept laughing and laughing, and was becoming more and more floppy legged.

"Come on you crazy bitch!" I said pulling her out of the danger zone and placing her where it was safe. She grabbed hold of my hand.

"Argh crazy bitch that's funny!" She laughed again, pulling at my hand. "you so love me though!" She slurred, closing her eyes and instantly falling asleep. I yanked my hand back and fell down beside her. I could hear the sex noises coming from Emmett and Rosalie and I grimaced. I closed my eyes to try and drown out the sounds but it felt like the high was starting to wear off, leaving me with a splitting headache and a sore nose. Maybe I should of taken more. Bella started snoring and I groaned annoyed, rubbing my head roughly. My body still felt limp and funny, tingling in odd places. I felt like I was on some never ending roller-coaster, that was going at ten times the speed than they normally did.

It must have been some time before I came too again. I'd had the weirdest dream, that I was a vampire and I was in love with...barf...Bella! Eurgh! Don't know what that was about! The room was silent, until I could here the loud snores coming from Emmett, and the sound of somebody throwing up. I sat myself up, rubbing my head and groaning at the fast building groggy feeling building up inside of me. I turned my head, to see who was puking. It was Bella. Her face was lobster red, and she was vomiting all over herself and floor. Her eyes were bloodshot, she was breaking out into sweats and her whole body was shaking, like she was having a bad trip. I found as much energy as I could and crawled over to her.

"Hey, hey, here" I said, holding her in the right position so she wouldn't joke. I pressed my hand on her head to make sure she wasn't boiling hot, but she wasn't so she wasn't suffering too badly. She stopped throwing up and then her head fell back onto my shoulder and she gasped for air.

"H-elp" She groaned, her voice rough and cracking. I sighed in frustration. Great! But I wasn't that much of a dick that I would just leave her in a mess, even if I did hate her guts! I checked to make sure Emmett and Rosalie were ok, wishing I hadn't when I saw them both lying naked, locked together. That image will haunt me for the rest of my miserable life! I went back to Bella, picked her up and carried her to the car. Luckily she wasn't that heavy otherwise I may have struggled in the state I was still in. It took me longer than usual to drive back because I tried to go slowly, making sure I didn't crash, but eventually I arrived home. I checked the time on my phone at sighed, relieved it was 2am, and that Carlisle would be in bed. He'd always try and wait up for me and Emmett to come back home but he never lasted the night. I carried Bella inside, up to my room and placed her on the bed, going back downstairs to lock up and get a couple of glasses of water for us both. As I placed the water down beside her she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled my face towards hers almost knocking me over.

"Mmm" She said, the corners of her mouth pulling up into a little smile. "You smell nice" She said. Shame I couldn't say the same about her!


	7. Chapter 7

**Alice**

"Are you sure you don't need to go to hospital?" I asked again, concerned at the state Jasper was in. His face was such a mess, covered in blood, dirt and grass, and he kept groaning and clutching at his wounded knee. I felt so responsible. Why couldn't I of just kept my mouth shut?

"No, don't worry, I'll be fine!" He enthused, with a croaky, pained voice.

"I'm so sorry Jasper! I feel terrible, I didn't mean to upset you" I cried, feeling so guilty.

"Don't apologise Alice. You were only being curious...truth is I'd love to talk to you Alice, but...well..."

"You don't trust me?" I interrupted, finishing his sentence for him. He nodded, smiling apologetically, only further making me feel guilty. "Jasper...I" I stumbled, trying to find the words to explain exactly what had happened. He turned to me with pleading eyes, but I couldn't not explain. "Jasper, I didn't tell Bella!" I started, worried I was going to upset him again. "Please don't get mad at Bella, something terrible happened _that_ summer, and I know it's no excuse but..." Oh dear, here it goes. "When you were on the phone to me, telling me what had happened, she was listening in on the other end. I didn't realise, I thought she was in my room sleeping, but she wanted to know who I was on the phone with, and why I wasn't with her comforting her...well I know it sounds bad. I begged her not to do anything bad with it, but something must of snapped inside of her, and she changed. I felt so bad J, because of my loyalty to the both of you, but she...I wish I could tell you but I can't. Just don't blame her J, she wasn't thinking straight" I said, knowing that no matter how I put it, he wouldn't understand unless he knew the truth, and there was no way I could tell him that. I turned reluctantly to see his expression, but he seemed blank, I couldn't figure out what he was feeling. It was a few seconds silence before he spoke.

"Hmm...ok" He said, still expressionless. My hand started to shake against the steering wheel. "So...you didn't directly tell Bella?"

"No...not technically. I'm sorry J! I'm sorry for what she did, I really am!" I felt like crying.

"Why the hell are you apologising?" He shouted, looking at me now full of anger.

"B-b-because..." I stuttered now with tears in my eyes.

"_YOU _shouldn't be the one apologising, that should be Bella! All you did was stick up for someone undeserving of your defence! She's pure evil Al, I can't understand why you'd _still _want to hang out with someone that twisted!" He scorned, still angry, but not at me. I sighed.

"Please don't" I begged. He turned to glare at me, but my pleading gaze silenced him, and he turned to look out the window. We didn't speak after that, until I arrived at his house. I was shocked when I pulled up outside this tiny, run down house, with a burnt front yard, and hole's in the bricks. The bricks were so dirty, and rusty, and the door looked paper thin. How did he live here? How did he live in this neighbourhood? How could I of let this happen to him?! He hid his face in his jacket, hiding his clear embarrassment. I looked at him, full of sympathy and sadness for him. I could cry for him, it was so sad. I reached out my hand, and gently caressed my fingers through his hair. He quickly shoved me off.

"I'll see you tomorrow Alice!" He said through clenched teeth. He got out the car and slammed the door, hobbling to his house. I couldn't leave it like this, not again, I wanted to be there for him. Even if I was 6 years too late, I still cared very much for him. I stopped the engine and quickly got out of the car, running to him and wrapping my arms around his waist.

"I'm so sorry Jasper!" I cried, hugging him tightly. He didn't move for at first, but eventually he gently placed his arms around my back and rubbed it gently.

"It's ok Al" He said calmly, with a certain doleful tone to his voice.

"I want you to know Jasper, I know I've been a shit friend...well you can't even call me a friend...but I'm here for you now! Any time, any place I am here for you!" I enforced, stepping back slightly so I could look at his face. He smiled a soft, wistful smile and pressed his forehead to mine. We stayed like that for a while, my heart quickening against his. After some time he pulled his head back, still smiling, and spoke.

"Do you want to come in?" He asked. I smiled wildly at him and nodded. "It's not...well it's not like your house, I hope you don't mind" He said carefully.

"That's ok J! My place is boring any how" I enthused, not really caring if his house was covered in dog-shit-carpets! I was with him and that was all that mattered. I linked my arm through his as we entered his house. It was true, it was _nothing_ like my place at all. It smelt of dead rats, and felt damp and cold. The carpets were almost black, and ripping out at the seems, and the wallpaper was dusty white and hanging off, with some hole's in the wall. I couldn't understand how anyone could live in this place. How any officials could let people live in this state and not put people in need up in a more suitable, healthy environment. It was heartbreaking. Jasper was a wonderful person, he didn't deserve this. He studied my response to his house, as I tried to smile confidently, but it was far too upsetting.

"I'm sorry...I don't usually have people in, it's...disgusting, isn't it?" He bemused, looking to the floor. I raised my hand to stroke his face, and smiled.

"You don't have to apologise Jasper. You have _nothing_ to be sorry for! But at the same time I can't let you stay here...Jasper you'll get ill!" I said gently. It was true I couldn't let him stay here, it wasn't safe. There were bugs crawling around everywhere I turned, and the damp was making me feel ill. "Jasper...come and stay with me!" I suggested.

"What?" He said, seeming lost.

"Come and stay with me! I can't leave you in...here, let me take care of you. Please" I begged, feeling a little excited at the thought of taking care of someone. I was like my mother that way, I loved taking care of people. It was in my nature.

"As good as that sounds Al, I can't leave my mother!" He informed. I sighed. That would be a problem.

"She can come too" I said still smiling hopefully. He grinned back at me.

"I wish that could happen! But she'd never leave my..._dad_" He grimaced and shuddered at the word dad.

"Well I'm still not letting you stay here! At least not tonight! Come on" I bounced, grabbing his hand and dragging him up the squeaky, crooked staircase. He laughed a little, but didn't argue.

"Honestly Al, I can't leave" He said finally when we were in his room. I sighed at the sight of his room. It wasn't much better. The bed looked like it had been pulled from a skip. It was damp, dirty and broken, it almost reminded me of how poor, dirty hospitals used to be in the very distant past. He had a little bedside table with a broken lamp, missing it's lampshade, and one small, cheap and holey wardrobe. I could of cried but I had a plan and it was _going _to work.

"Yes you can!" I enthused, not really leaving it as an option and started grabbing whatever clothes I could find of his, but he didn't seem to have a lot at all. In fact he only had two outfits, and one pair of old, tacky, holey trainers that were once white but now black. Right, I thought, he needs clothes. Once I got an idea in my head it was set in motion. I knew I had to make it up to Jasper, in the best way I could, so I was going to do everything I could to improve his and his mom's situation. And when I said everything, I meant _everything!_

**Jasper**

I couldn't help but smile at her. She made me smile, and nobody made me smile. I watched as she bounced around my pitiful room gathering my stuff and putting it in a bag. She wouldn't take no for an answer, and truthfully it would be kind of nice to stay with Alice for however long. I wrote my mother a note, saying that I was staying with a friend for a little bit, and loved her, hoping she would be all right, and then left with a persistent Alice.

"I'm really worried about my mother Alice, you don't understand, she..." I stuttered. She smiled sympathetically at me as she pulled into the road with ease.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure she's ok!" Alice mused, with a cunning smile on her face. What was she planning?

"Your not hiring a hit man are you?" I asked, half jokingly. She laughed, a cute, fairy like laugh that tickled at my heart strings.

"No, not quite. But I promise you'll like it" She beamed, further widening my curiosity.

"So...are we going to yours?" I asked, knowing the answer, but just making small talk.

"Yes! I mean it J, I'm going to look after you!" She boasted, still smiling. Bless her heart, she didn't need to look after me! I wasn't worth the effort!

"Your sweet" I said, blushing at my words. She giggled a little and carried on driving. The rest of the journey was somewhat quiet, as we bobbed along to the radio. As we arrived to her house I gasped in shock. You could fit our entire house in her post box at least, with still room to spare. I'd never seen a more gigantic home. I mean I'd always known she was well off, and lived well but not this well! This was beyond well! I gawked in shock as we walked up her pathway and into the house.

"W-O-W" Was all I could said, elongating every letter.

"What? Oh yeah!" She said seeming unimpressed and unmoved by where she lived.

"I can't believe you live here!" If only we could live in a place like this!

"Yeah." She grimaced. "It's _wonderful_" She said sarcastically. I didn't want to pry so I just followed her up into what looked like a spare bedroom, but looked more like the penthouse suit at a fancy hotel. "Just put your things in the drawers over there. There's a bathroom through that door, it's the guest bathroom so help yourself to anything in there. I'll get you a towel and that" She said disappearing and coming back with a towel that felt like silk in my hand.

"Thank you" I said smiling gratefully at her.

"Your welcome" She said, with the most beautiful, angelic expression I just wanted to kiss her.

She left me to get cleaned up, bringing me some shampoo's and soap, and even offering to do my hair for me. I said thank you and did it myself, but she insisted I let her give it a cut. I sighed, defeated and let her chop away. To be honest it felt really nice when she was running her hands through my hair, and gently cutting it, it felt...warming. She pushed the mirror into my face and I was shocked. She did an amazing job!

"Wow! I didn't have you down as an amazing hairdresser! Thank you" I beamed, really impressed.

"Not a lot of people realise I have more depth's to me than some bitchy slut!" She said, seeming a little offended.

"Oh I'm sorry, that's not what I meant!"

"No, I know...sorry I'm being touchy with you. Girl moment" She joked rolling her eyes. "Just...I don't want you to think of me that way. I'm not...well"

"I know your not! Your about the only _sane _girl in that school!" I said. It was true, she definitely wasn't like those other girls.

"Thank you" She shied away. "It's annoying you know...pretending to be someone I'm not. I mean I love the girls but...I don't know I just feel like I can't ever be myself. Except when I'm with you" She said, smiling up at me. My heart started pounding.

"Same" I said nervously.

"I'm sorry I haven't been there for you, I really am. It's so bad of me, can you ever forgive me?"

"Of course I can! Your here now aren't you?"

"Yes I am!"

"Then that's all that matters" I said, wanting so badly to kiss her.

"Well I must say I've out-done myself!" She enthused, changing the subject. "You look positively hotter than before" She boasted, raising her eyebrow up and smirking..

"Alice Brandon! Are you flirting with me?" I asked smiling to myself.

"Maybe!" She giggled. "Can't help it!" I giggled nervously back and turned my head away, embarrassed. "Sorry did I upset you?"

"No! Not at all..."

"Good" there was an awkward silence. "So...you want to talk?" She asked serious now. I took a deep breathe.

"I guess" I answered, a little reluctant. I knew I could trust her, but it was hard for me. "I've never really talked to anyone before, about it all"

"I know" She comforted, grabbing my hand in both her palms and rubbing them. "Just take it slow"

"Well..." I started delving into everything. I spoke about that summer, avoiding her gaze as best I could. "My brother didn't really die in car accident. Well there was a car but he wasn't run over!" I started to well up now. "My mother was driving home with him one night, _that_ summer. She'd had a couple of drinks with some of her colleagues and...well...she crashed that night. She really shouldn't have been driving, but she wanted to rush home for my...b...birth-d..." I stuttered, tears now strolling down my face. "But she crashed into someone else. My father changed after that, he was so mad. I'd lie awake at night listening to them screaming at each other and him blaming her for killing...Jamie...calling her a murderer and so many horrible, horrible things. I would hear him shouting why it was Jamie that was dead and not me, and that god took the wrong son, and just..." I broke into tears crying. Alice gasped and jumped into my arms, hugging me close to her chest.

"It's ok Jasper! It's ok" She encouraged, rubbing my back comfortingly. "I understand. I'm so sorry. Your worth so much more than that, I wish I would have been there for you!" She ran her fingers into my hair, gently pulling at the strands, still comforting me. It felt really good. She took away the pain, like nothing or nobody else could.

"H-He beats her Alice! He beats her so badly, and I just don't know what to do" I cried, locked in her comforting embrace.

"I know, I know! Jasper I'm going to make this ok! Do you hear me?" She said pulling back slightly and looking into my eyes. "I'm going to make this ok again. I promise you!" She said. As much as I knew how much she would try, she couldn't. Nobody could make it ok, because we couldn't bring Jamie back. He died. A horrible, painful death. On my birthday. A day I would always and forever remember as the worst day of my life. The day I lost my baby brother, who meant so much to me as he did to everyone else. My father wouldn't even let my mother come in my room and comfort me any more, not without beating her to a pulp. He wouldn't look at me, or speak to me, I had no one. But now I had Alice, still holding on to me tightly, and penetrating my eyes with hers, filling my veins with her caring, loving kindness. I suddenly felt this overwhelming calming feeling, throughout my body. Like a sudden rush that wiped out all the pain and anguish, and stopped the tears in their tracks. As I gazed into her beautiful, piercing eyes she lifted her hand and gently stroked my cheek. I don't know who moved first, me or her, or both together at the same time, but our lips suddenly touched. The most wonderful feeling sped through me like a drug, and every hair on my body stood to attention. She was kissing me. So soft and sweet, her lips felt amazing against mine. I couldn't believe it. But I was happy. For once in my miserable life I was happy, because I was with her, they way I'd always dreamed of. Alice.


	8. Chapter 8

**Bella**

I woke in a cold sweat, with a stabbing pain banging around my brain, like someone was bashing my head with a hammer. My eyes stung as if someone had poured bleach in them, my mouth had turned to hard, dry stone, and my throat burned. Even my nose felt like someone had chewed at it, and my legs had turned to jelly. Still I pushed my sore eyes open, awaiting the sound of my mother and her lover at it again, just like every other morning. But as I pried my eyes open and looked at my surroundings I started to feel panicked. This was _definitely_ not my room! For one thing the ceiling was too low, and the room stank of mouldy vomit! My room always smelled of a mixture of Armani code and Anna sui perfume. Once I took a look at the room surrounding me that's when I _knew_ I one hundred percent was _not_ in my house. Where the hell was I? I tried to move, to get out of this room, but my body was so stiff I couldn't even raise my hand to my face. A strange noise exited my mouth, as I tried to shout 'help', thinking I had been drugged with some paralytic poison or something. As I struggled to try and move I heard the door open, and turned my head to see who is was.

"So your awake" A male voice said. It sounded familiar but I couldn't place him, and my vision was still blurred.

"W-wh-ere am I" I croaked.

"In my bed" He spoke, with a certain hint of cockiness in his voice. After a few seconds of silence I started to come around a bit more, and sat myself up. My mouth dropped to the floor when it hit me, exactly _whose_ bed I was in.

"OH MY GOD!" I screamed, as he smirked down at me. "WHAT THE FUCK...!"

"Oh sugar...come on it wasn't that bad!" He joked, winking at me.

"EURGH!" I gasped in disgust. "What the _hell_ am I doing in _your_ bed you pervert?!" I accused clenching my fists ready to attack him. He laughed.

"Relax...I wouldn't touch you with a barge poll let alone sleep with you! That would be...sick!" He said pulling his face up in disgust. I growled in anger.

"You better not have done anything to me! I swear to god I'll fuck you up if you have!" I threatened.

"Don't be disgusting! Your not that hot!" He laughed again. I felt my whole body fill with red, hot burning fire, and tense up as my teeth crushed into each other. Next thing I knew I was flying off the bed and swinging for him, where he sat. He in turn grabbed firm hold of me and held me back. As I went to kick him my legs caved and I fell weakly into his catching arms.

"Get a hold of yourself girl! Your no match for me" He said cockily, dragging me back over to the end of the bed and sitting me down.

"Get off me!" I scolded pushing him away.

"Gladly!"

"How the hell did I end up here?" I asked as he sat back down in his chair across from me.

"You were a little...out of it!" He laughed again.

"So you took advantage of me when I was passed out then?" I accused, getting ready to swing at him again as he just smirked at me like some sly, slithering snake!

"You could say that" He joked, widening his smirk.

"GRRR" I growled really, really angry at him now. He just laughed it off and shook his head.

"Relax woman! You were in a right state, barely concious, so I just brought you back here. You should be thanking me! I didn't _have_ to help you!" He said with disdain in his tone. I thought about that for a second, and sighed defeated. It was true he didn't have to help me, and part of me thanked that it was his bed I was waking up in and not some psychopathic, paedophiles bed.

"So how did I get changed then? If I was _so_ unconscious." I said eventually, with a hint of sarcasm. He started smirking again.

"Magic!" He joked, laughing to himself. "I must say though, as crazy a bitch you are, your bodies _pretty_ fine!" He said sarcastically, still smirking.

"Are you asking for a broken nose?" I threatened again, although honestly it was kind of funny.

"No, I think I'll just stick to being jabbed in the leg with compasses! But thanks!" He joked, laughing. My mouth started twitching at the sides, as I tried with all my energy to hold back the laughter. As annoying and irritating as he was, he was kind of funny, and I really enjoyed fighting with him. He seemed to notice my mouth twitching and started laughing.

"DAMN YOU!" I screamed, bursting into laughter. God help me!

**Edward**

Psycho girl was starting to grow on me somewhat. Sure I still hated her guts, but fighting with her was more fun that getting high, and that really was saying something!

"Wait, what time is it?" She said, as she finally stopped laughing.

"Lunch time!" I smiled. Suddenly she jumped off of the bed and gasped in horror.

"WHAT! Are you crazy? It's Friday, we have school! Why didn't you wake me? There are _rules_ you know!" She said. I grimaced as she spouted on about 'rules' again.

"In case you haven't already worked this out...I don't follow rules! Never have, never will" I kindly reminded her, placing my hands behind my head and leaning back closing my eyes.

"That's because your an idiot! Plus your not queen bee at school, I have obligations! Something like this could totally _destroy_ my reputation!" She scorned angrily.

"Chillax girl! I pulled us both a sick day this morning" I said, remembering my heated conversation with principal Aro on the phone earlier. She continued scowling at me, with her fists clenched.

"Are you seriously trying to _ruin_ my life?! Leader's do _not_ take sick days, _ever! _We don't get sick even! It's not exactly a luxury we can help ourselves too. But I guess someone like _you_ wouldn't understand that!"

"Someone like me? What's that supposed to mean?" I asked a little offended. "Just because I'm not some yuppie, fucking narcissistic, conforming _idiot_? Tell me what's so great about that?" I scolded her back.

"Ugh" She groaned pulling her face and turning away from me. "Where's my stuff?" She asked angrily. Any hint of humour, or small feeling of starting to like this girl had completely vanished in a second. She really was impossibly infuriating!

"In the wash basin! I'm sure your _pathetic_ little followers will _love_ the smell of vomit, and sight of yesterdays clothes! Now I'm no expert here but isn't that against your...rules?" I smirked. She turned and gave me the most furious, red blooded scowl I'd ever seen on a girl. I would have been scared, had it not been for the fact _nothing_ scared me!

"Fine!" She growled through her gritted teeth. "I guess I'll have to make something up! Say I needed a beauty day for the party tomorrow or something! It's a good job I'm queen bee and know how to lie!" She said, still frowning angrily at me. I snorted at her, and turned my attention to my journal. I'd kept a journal pretty much since my life had turned to shit. Since _that_ summer when my mother died and I stopped giving a shit about people. Truthfully it made it easier. If you didn't care, then you couldn't get hurt. Whatever though right?!

"Whose clothes are these any way?" She asked staring down at the rather oversized green and white number 8 t-shirt, and baggy grey boxer shorts. If I didn't hate her guts I would absolutely be jumping her bones right now! There's nothing I liked more than girls in boys boxer shorts and shirts, it was HOT!

"Emmett's! He's the only one that had clean clothes" I answered, not really paying her much attention. I started writing about last night, and how out of control and crazy it got. Next thing I knew Emmett was barging through the door.

"Hey, hey, hey! Guess I wasn't the only one who got lucky last night!" Emmett mused as he eyed Bella sitting on the end of my bed, flashing her somewhat sexy, slender, pale legs.

"Don't be disgusting Emmett! She's not even my type!" I scorned at him. Bella gave me another harsh look.

"Well whatever! Rosalie wants to talk to you Bella!" He said to Bella.

"She's in your room?"

"Yeah panicking about some bullshit 'rules' or something! Whatever, I'll never understand you women!" He pulled his nose up. I grinned. He was right there, they were fucking mental. Bella shot right up and darted to Emmett's room.

"So...if you two didn't hook up, what exactly is she doing in your bedroom mate? And are those my boxer shorts?" He asked sitting on the end of my bed and pulling out a cigarette, offering me one.

"Yeah! I didn't want her in anything of mine, and Carlisle would notice if some of his clothes were missing!" I said, sparking up.

"Ah whatever I don't use them any way! It's all about going commando!" He said standing up and shaking his tush in my face. Thank god he was wearing jeans, otherwise I would of beaten his ass right there and then!

"Don't shake that thing in my face dude! It's disgusting!"

"Rosalie doesn't seem to think so!" He grinned, lifting his eyebrow up cockily. "God she is hot! And totally unlike any other girls I've met!"

"Are you sure about that?" I said furrowing my brow.

"Yeah! At first I just thought she was a piece of ass with huge tits I could screw, but she's fucking awesome. She's got the same mind as me, definitely not what you'd call _girlie_ what so ever! We spent pretty much the whole morning sitting naked, smoking pot and playing grand theft auto on the x box! Fucking awesome!" He went on. I raised my eyebrow at him surprised. She always striked me as a typical blonde bimbo who only served the purpose of bouncing around on our dicks. Shocking that she'd even know what an x box was! "Oh hey don't forget we got that bitch coming tomorrow for dinner! We need to kick a plan into notion. Dad might have moved on but I sure haven't" He said with a distant, irate look on his face. He always got touchy like this when the subject was brought up. Emmett didn't like Carlisle having anyone new in his life. Neither did I come to that, but it really got to him, and he always went black and dark, a side of him he rarely shared, and covered up with drugs. I grimaced and turned my attention back to my journal. One of the only things I could take solace in.

**Alice**

I hadn't accounted for this! I didn't expect that what started off as just another 'game' would actually turn into genuine care and concern for someone. But Jasper needed someone to help him, and that was more important than bedding him! Speaking to him awoke this person inside me, that had been trapped all these years. I felt...myself again, and that was an unfamiliar feeling to me. For so long now I lived my days as this zombiefied bitch, and now it felt like I had been resurrected, and no longer wanted to pretend to be someone I wasn't! I had to prove to Jasper that I was genuine. And I knew exactly what I was going to do!

The next morning I woke and dressed casually, leaving my short, black hair natural, and throwing on my green t-shirt, jeans and pumps. I didn't put any make-up on, I didn't need it! Jasper was already awake when I went to knock, and he gazed up at me from the book he was reading and gave me such a wide smile.

"You look really nice!" He complemented, with such a sweet look. I smiled back.

"Thank you. Are you ready to go?" I asked as I noted he was already dressed.

"It's 6am?" He asked puzzled.

"I know! We need to get there early..." I said. He nodded understanding why. Even if I was ready for a 'change' I still had an obligation to my girls, and didn't want to handle the gossiping and explaining to everyone right now! We had to be sneaky about this.

I drove him to school and told him to wait for me down the road by the small park near the school, after school had finished. And then I drove off, knowing school for me was _out_ of the question today. First I started with the clothes. Fashion was my life! But this was more necessary than fun. I shopped at the Gap, loading the shop assistant with a pile of male jeans that looked trendy yet casual, and would absolutely look ravishing on Jasper! I got him a few different t-shirts, jackets and trendy trainers, and then made my way to Macy's and loaded up on all the latest women's trends for Jasper's mom, making sure I got a lot of warm stuff for winter as well. They may not be able to afford new clothes but I sure could! Next thing, the most complicated part, I went to see my mother. Esme was a psychologist. A very famous one at that. She helped celebrities as well as your every day people, and all her cases ended up successful.

As I walked into her office building she gave me a very confused, worrisome look.

"What are you doing here darling? Are you ill? Has something happened at school?" She asked concerned.

"No, but I do need to speak to you. I promise this is _very_ important" I said as she nodded and walked me into one of her rooms. I sat down across from her and delved into the full story Jasper had told me. I wouldn't have told anyone else if I didn't think it wasn't necessary.

"Oh dear!" She said. "I see the problem. Leave it with me Alice, I'll sort something out! We can't just go buying houses for them just like that, there's a lot of work to do. But tell Jasper he can stay with us as long as he likes, and you must let me pay you back for the clothes!" She insisted.

"No mom it's fine! I wanted to use my own money, I really c... well, I just hope we can sort this out!"

"We will darling, like I said leave it with me!" She said. I hugged her goodbye, and left to take all the stuff home. I made sure I picked him up the best brand of male shampoo and conditioner, and got him his own tooth brush and tooth paste, shavers, shaving cream, towels, a dressing gown, men's spray, winter warmers and anything else I could think of, all for him. I also picked up some ingredients to cook him a good meal, and even bought him a mobile phone so that I could contact him, and he could use it for emergencies. I thought of absolutely everything, to the point I was beginning to feel maternal. Like it was my job now to take care of him, and I loved it. I was like my mother in that respect. Taking care of people came naturally to me, and he needed taking care of. I smiled to myself as I drove to pick him up. Everything was going to be ok! Or so I thought!

**Jasper**

I stood waiting by the park like she'd asked, mulling over the situation I was in. Sure Alice was certain she could help, but what exactly could she do? She couldn't convince my mom to leave my dad, she couldn't bring Jamie back, it just seemed pointless. But that kiss. That kiss last night was so amazing! She was enough to bring some sort of happiness in my life. And I would settle for that! Suddenly I spotted her yellow car driving round the corner and haltering to a stop in front of me. I climbed in and smiled at her beaming face. What had she done?

"Hey J! Every thing's going to be ok! You don't need to worry about it now, I've got it all covered!" She enthused as she drove us back to her home.

"What did you do?" I asked sceptically.

"I spoke to my mom. But don't worry she's totally trustworthy and she always knows what to do! Did you know she helped Jennifer Aniston last year get over her depression? She's a miracle worker!" She went on. I couldn't be mad at her when she made that cute little happy face of hers. Though I knew her mother was lovely, I was a bit worried she'd end up locking me and my mom up in a psych ward or something! I couldn't of been more wrong!


	9. Chapter 9

**(Author's note: Sorry this chapter is quite long, but it's nessesary :) It's another Edward/Bella POV, Jasper/Alice will be next chapter. I've started with Edward's POV this time as it was neccesary so I hope thats ok hehe! Btw HUGE warning here near the end of this chapter there are some MASSIVE lemons, and I'm talking rough lemons here so if that's not your thing stop reading when it gets to "GET a room!" Part lol. But If you like lemons the enchoy :D Don't forget to review, reviews make Edward hard ;) lol)**

**Edward**

The next day I woke feeling very light headed and gloomy. Usually the weekend was my saving grace, but today would probably be the worst day I've had since I first came to this shitty town! First I had the insufferable dinner with dad's new conquest. Then, after Rosalie insisted Emmett and I attend, I was going to some teeny-bop party at this dude Mike's house. It was definitely not a day to wake up to!

I stayed in bed most of the day, writing in my journal and coming up with some new lyrics and poems. I'd always had this unachievable dream of becoming a song writer/singer. Before I got into drugs with Emmett I used to play my guitar and write songs all the time. I loved it. But after a while I just couldn't be bothered with it, like with everything else, everything was such an effort! Emmett had always wanted to be some big shot, top star, rugby player, and was actually really good at the sport. You only had to look at him to know he'd kick your ass any day at any sport. I don't know what happened, and why we decided to completely destroy ourselves, but the truth was the day we lost our mother was the day I felt like a piece of me had died. I reached out my hand and pulled open my bedside table draw, rummaging around for what I was searching for. I pulled out a tiny photo frame and clutched it in both my hands, as my eyes began to burn. It was the only picture I had of my mother, because Emmett burned most of them in a mad rage against Carlisle. It was of her on her wedding day with dad. I ran my finger across her beautiful face, and a tiny tear fell down my cheek. I really missed her, so much. I couldn't understand how people who have lost loved ones could carry on with their normal lives, because loosing my mother killed me. It wasn't just that. _That_ summer after she died, we were shipping her coffin back to where she was born, to be buried like she'd asked. But the plane she was being carried over on crashed in the sea's and she was lost forever. Nobody else died, thank goodness, but still they couldn't retrieve her. So we didn't even have a proper grave we could go visit, and it almost felt like she wasn't dead, she was just missing never to be seen again. I shuddered at the thought of her, and shook my head, putting the photo frame back in the draw and jumping out of bed. Time to sort this train-wreck dinner out!

"Boys...I'd like you to meet Esme" Carlisle introduced her, smiling encouragingly. Me and Emmett, who were conveniently slouched on the sofa, dressed as bums off the street, and smelling of mouldy sweat and out of date meat and potato pies, barely even looking up at the broad, pushed the sides of our mouth into as much of a frown as we could muster.

"Hi boys!" She said enthusiastically. She had a warm tone to her voice, and she did look like a babe, but we still pinched our noses at her and snorted. Carlisle gave us a disapproving look.

"Sorry Esme, I think they had a late night!" He said trying to laugh it off. Esme carried on smiling and came and sat opposite us.

"So, I hear your both at Forks high school? You must know my daughter. Her names Alice?" She asked trying to engage us in a conversation.

"Nope! Never heard of her!" Emmett drearily said.

"Ah that's a shame!" She said looking a little awkward. Carlisle cleared his throat at us.

"So your a nurse huh?" I asked.

"No not quite. I work at your father's hospital sometimes, but I am a psychologist. I have my own building" She said smiling.

"Great! A shrink" Emmett snorted under his breath.

"Shall we go sit at the table?" Carlisle asked, taking Esme's hand.

"Whatever!" I answered. I dragged my feet to the table and slouched down in the hard, wooden chair, glaring at Esme.

"So boys...what are you up to tonight? My daughter told me about this party going on! Will you be attending?" She asked still smiling her sickly sweet smile.

"Yeh" We answered, as I jabbed my fork into the pasta meal Carlisle had cooked.

"Boys!" Carlisle scowled. "I'm sorry Esme!" He apologised to her.

"Yes, sorry _Esme_" I said with a childish tone. Esme shuffled awkwardly in her seat and took a sip of her wine.

"So..._Esme..._you say your a psychologist, is that correct?" Emmett asked with a sly smirk on his face.

"Yes I am" She smiled kindly.

"Is that how you met our father?" He asked.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I was talking to one of his patients at the time when I met him!" She enthused. She must be one naïve broad!

"Really? Bet you _really_ worked his patient good!" He said laughing to himself. I laughed with him.

"That's _enough_ you two!" Carlisle warned.

"What! I was just _innocently_ complimenting her work! She'd have to have been _really_ good to get herself an invite to _our_ dinner table!" He carried on cockily. "It's clearly not because of her _brain_!" He scorned, flashing a look at her chest. She did have a nice rack, and was showing the pair off in a low, v-neck red and black dress, but I'd seen better! I smirked along with Emmett, jabbing his arm.

"I said that's _enough!_" Carlisle yelled. "You do _not_ speak to Esme that way, do you hear? Apologise now!" Esme looked very embarrassed, trying to shake Emmett's comments off with a hardened smile. But that didn't stop us.

"Apologise for what?! Your the one that should be sorry! Bringing your trash back home!" Emmett screamed, slamming his fist on the table.

"Don't think your the first love! Carlisle likes to bring his _sluts_ home, work 'em up with a dinner and then something else! Don't be thinking you'd be an exception to that rule!" I added, glaring at her up and down with a sly grin on my face.

"EDWARD!" Carlisle shouted, standing up with force. "How _dare_ you both speak to Esme this way!" He screeched, frowning in anger.

"It's ok Carlisle" Esme said calmly, looking down at the table a little awkward and doleful.

"NO it is _not_ ok! Apologise now! I did not bring you up to be this volatile!"

"YOU didn't bring us up at all! Emmett brought me up, whilst you were off sleeping with as many sluts as you could find! FUCK YOU dad!" I screamed, angrily exiting the room to my bedroom. I didn't hear anything more said, apart from Carlisle screaming for me to come back now. But eventually I was joined by Emmett.

"Want some spliff?" He asked, hesitantly entering my bedroom.

"Sure" I said wistfully as he handed me a pre-rolled spliff.

"God what a prick!" He said sitting down in my chair. We were silent after that, just listening to the hardcore banging and screaming coming from some metal band on my stereo and getting stoned. The pain eased off after some time.

The party was just as I suspected. Full of forks school's most idiotic teeny-boppers, drowning themselves with alchopops and cheap beer for pussy's! Where the hell was the real liqueur? I followed Emmett into the main party room reluctantly, dragging my feet and keeping my face hidden in my hoody and sunnies! The room was huge, like a ball room, with a table full of shitty booze, snacks in little plastic bowls and paper cups. Mike had hired some shit DJ who was playing all the pop chart rubbish like the Pussycat dolls and Lady gaga who were only good for one thing and that was for a good romp! There were two poles for people to pole dance on, and around the edges of the room were chocolate brown sofa chairs and mini glass tables, just like how you'd expect a club to look. Me and Emmett sat down with our cheap bottled beer and peered around the room grimacing. I spotted Bella and Rosalie with another girl who had spiky, short black hair and was pixie like. They had taken over one of the pole's and were grinding up on each other to the sound of Kat DeLuna. Watching Bella in her tight leather pants, and low cut, thin slinky, lacy pink top really got me all hot and bothered. She may be the most annoying bitch on the planet but she fucking looked good tonight, grinding on her two friends. She wore her long, silky brown hair down, styled into curls that bounced around her face. I felt myself go hard as I watched her body ripple down the pole with her sexy as hell snake hips. Rosalie followed behind her as pixie girl swung her hips around and around. I guess this party wasn't all bad.

**Bella**

"Bella you are not going to the party dressed like that!" My father said, looking very disapproving.

"Yes I am dad! Do you want me to be a total _freak_?" I argued back. My mother sat blissfully ignoring us both at the other end of the dinner table, sipping at her soup and looking quite smug.

"BELLS I am not telling you again! Your sending the wrong message dressing like that! Boys will think your easy!" Er dad I am, so fucking what? I thought to myself getting annoyed with him now.

"GRR dad!" I moaned slamming my fist on the table. "You just don't understand!" I shouted standing up and knocking my chair over angrily.

"I understand perfectly Bella! But you don't need to dress so provocatively to get boys attention!" My mother seemed to be laughing to herself, grinning smugly.

"Just let her wear it Charlie! You know she'll only go put something even more provocative on if you don't!" She laughed to herself. A strange growling noise exited my throat as I glared down at her.

"Renee! How can you let her go out like this? Why don't you _ever_ back me up, she's _your _daughter too!" He said frustrated now. My mother sighed and crushed her head into her hands.

"Don't start with me Charlie! I've had a busy day" She moaned. Yeah busy getting laid by the whole of the town's old male perverts!

"Busy! You stay at home all day, doing nothing, how is that busy?" He continued. I sighed and left them to it as she screamed back at him and he screamed at her, and plates were thrown. Just another dinner at the Swan household!

I slammed the front door behind me and drove off to speak to Alice before we left for the party. God I hated my mother, more than anyone could possibly realise, and Alice was the only one who knew the truth.

I arrived at her house and rang the bell. It was a while before anyone answered, and my mouth dropped to the floor when I saw who it was.

"Jasper?" I asked bewildered.

"Oh" He said, his face just as freaked out as mine was.

"I'm sorry do you live here now?" I asked harshly.

"Erm...Alice?" He said shifting around nervously.

"Yeah, who is it J? OH" She said shocked when she saw it was me. "Bella" She said, faking a smile.

"Yeah! Bella! Can I talk to you for a second?" I asked pushing past Jasper.

"Sure. Erm...J" She said whispering now. "Just go upstairs". Jasper left as I watched, glaring at him. "Come in here Bella" Alice said, leading us both into the lounge area, and shutting the door.

"Was that Jasper? Or have I just completely lost the plot here?" I asked completely confused and angry at the same time.

"Yes that was Jasper" She said sighing, and trying to smile.

"WHAT THE FUCK is Jasper doing in your house?" I screamed.

"Shh! He's just staying here for a while" She answered looking uncomfortable.

"Why?"

"Erm...his moms remodelling there house and asked-my mom if he...they could stay with us for a while!" She lied.

"Eurgh" I groaned. "What is happening to you Al? Your like a totally different person! Lying to me now, wearing...SWEATS...oh my god Al your like...your like him! You've turned into a loser!" I said completely disgusted. She rolled her eyes.

"I'm still the same person Bella, just I think there's more to life than being..."

"WHAT! More to life? Are you fucking kidding me Al! You'll have no more of a life out there than with us Al, and you know it! People like..._him_...live miserable lives! Do you want to completely trash everything you've worked hard to gain at school? Do you want to be the subject of torture every day? They'll pound you Al, worse than him and you know it! The fact that your one of us is an achievement in itself. Do you know how many girls want to be us? Because we can live our lives carefree and people worship us and don't _dare_ mess with us! But you know as well as I do that's not set in stone, and _any_ little hick-up could totally wreck everything. You'd be the gossip of the school!" I went on frustrated with her. I sighed and began to speak calmly. "Alice. Your my best friend. More than that, your like my sister! I know you better than _anybody_ and I know don't want you to end up being branded a loser at school! You couldn't hack it Al, and there's no way me and Rosalie could vouch for you if your seen with...him! Please be smart about this Alice" I said as she looked at the floor, lost in thought.

"I guess your right" She finally said after an awkward silence. I smiled at her.

"I am! Now come on get dressed and let's rock this party! I won't say anything about your..._lodger_...!" I said turning my face up in disgust as I thought about Jasper staying in her house. She nodded and disappeared, finally reappearing looking far more like herself.

"Nice!" I complimented as I checked her wardrobe out. She was wearing a short, low cut, frilly black dress, with giant heels.

"Thank you!" She smiled back, as we left to go to the awesome party!

The party was raging! Everybody who was anybody was here, drinking, dancing, and getting wild. Even farm girl was here, dressed rather...provocative, far from her overall days! Mike had clearly made her up, in a belt short leather skirt, knee high boots, slinky low cut top and plastered in make-up.

"Have you seen farm girl?" Rosalie asked as she came over to join us.

"Definitely the work of Mike!" Alice added.

"Definitely! It looks like our little farm girl has become the towns next whore! Her parents must be so proud" I teased laughing with the girls. Silly, naïve girl! She didn't realise what she was in for!

"Come on girls let's own that pole!" Rosalie suggested running over to one of the dance poles and pushing Heidi off of it, sending her flying into Tyler's lap.

"Good one!" I said to her as I climbed up and started shaking my booty.

"Ooo look who just came in!" Rosalie said, eyeing up her new favourite guy, Emmett. Edward followed along behind him.

"Ugh! Why did he bring his loser brother!" I grimaced pulling my nose up.

"Oh come on you so want him!" Rosalie said.

"I do not!"

"You so do! It's written all over your face, and you've already been in his_ bed_!" She went on grinning.

"So! Doesn't mean I like him!" I felt my face flush red. Alice laughed.

"Come on let's give them a real show!" Alice suggested. As much as it got to me Rosalie was suggesting I wanted that loser, I still wanted to look good for him, so I started body rippling and swinging my hips around. Rosalie copied, and Alice just did her thing. The room started wolf whistling, and it made me quite smug to notice Edward was actually watching us dance, and enjoying it.

After the song finished, and the whole room was practically cheering us on, we climbed off of the pole, smiling to each other proudly. Rosalie grabbed my hand, and I grabbed Alice's, as Rosalie pulled us both over to the two brothers. My heart starting pounding and I couldn't understand why. I hated Edward...didn't I?

"Got any drugs?" Rosalie asked, slipping her booty down on Emmett's lap. Emmett wrapped his arms around her waist practically feeling her up in front of us and grinned at her wildly. Next thing I knew they had their tongues shoved in each other's mouth. Alice purposefully took the only place that wasn't beside Edward, and I sighed and sat down looking annoyed.

"Actually we have something new if your game!" Emmett finally said, taking his tongue out of Rosalie's mouth, and still gazing up at her.

"Ooo what?" Rosalie said getting excited.

"GBL! Although you girls probably shouldn't have any, it could be dangerous! You might not be able to take it!" Edward scorned, shooting Emmett a look as if to say 'why the fuck did you mention the drugs'.

"What the fuck is GBL?" Alice asked.

"A party drug! It's liquid, and you can order it online easily, plus it's fucking cheap as chips!" Emmett boasted taking out this small bottle of liquid. "You just mix it with your drink, just a little bit and it's fucking great apparently" He went on.

"Are you sure that's not just some donkey piss or something?" I said frowning at him. Edward laughed, surprisingly.

"No way! It's totally legal as well. Although if your feeling a little adventurous I've got some pills we can mix in with it! I heard that GBL on it's own just makes you subdued a little like pot, but with pills it's fucking wild!" Emmett suggested.

"Awesome, give me some!" Rosalie said, taking out her drink of Jack Daniels and coke as Emmett smiled and poured some of the GBL in and then some pills.

"Well I'm not taking that G shit but I will have some pills!" I said holding my hand out as Emmett placed a tablet in my hand.

"Same" Edward said.

"You not feeling adventurous tonight then?" I said sort of sarcastically.

"Indeed, just I don't want anything that might make me fall asleep!" He said, winking at me. Alice laughed to herself, as I shot her a sharp glare.

"Alice? You having some?" Rosalie asked. For some reason the two brothers looked at each other weirdly and then at Alice, but they didn't say anything.

"Nah, I'm good with my vodka thanks!" She said bemused. Emmett and Rosalie started macking each other again, tugging at each others clothes. The conversation grew awkward and dead before I finally said "GET a room!" Edward laughed.

I don't know what happened, or how I got here but within a few minutes of the pills taking affect I completely forgot poor Alice was sat where she was. Rosalie and Emmett fucked off to find a room, and something clicked inside me when I heard Edward's laugh, and I just wanted him. I turned to face him, clawed my hand into his shirt and pulled him on top of me, shoving my tongue in his mouth. He was a little taken a back at first, mouthing "what the fuck" into my mouth, but he went with it. Next thing I knew I was grabbing his hand and forcing him up the stairs to find a room. He didn't object and as we reached an empty bedroom he slammed my back into the door, pushing his warm, hot body into mine, crushing us together. It was messy, but fucking hot. His hand slipped up into my hair, clutching at it, as his other hand opened the zip of my pants and shoved into my knickers. Thank god I was wearing a thong, it made it totally easier for him! I pushed him backwards slightly, moaning into his mouth and used my leg to slam the door shut, then jumped up, wrapping my legs around his waist as he pushed me against the wall. Wall sex, fuck yeah! I ripped open the button of his pants, and yanked his hair making him moan and go rock fucking hard. He shoved his hard on into me, moaning again and again as he pushed his pants and boxers down far enough, and then pulled mine down, shoving his dick inside of me. I screamed in pleasure, as he pushed and shoved his dick in and out of my pussy. The friction was rough and hard but it felt so good. His kissing became messy, as he moved his lips from my mouth to my neck and began puffing and panting so loud he couldn't take the pleasure any more. His moans were sexy as hell, as he yelled "FUCK!" and I yelled "Harder! Fucking harder!". It felt so hallucinogenic I was almost glad I'd taken the pills, the sex was so much fucking better. As he got closer and closer to climaxing he started screaming his moans, and slammed both his fists into the wall either side of me to push harder. Next thing I knew I felt this massive explosion inside of me as I yelled in complete bliss! Then he did the same thing screaming "O-H FUCK!" and cumming inside of me. It took us a second to get our breath back as he slowly withdrew his now limp dick and lifted me down off the wall gently, pulling his pants up.

"You-made-me-fucking-multi-orgasm!" I said gasping for air. Nobody had ever done that before, and I had, had great sex before, but not that good! He smirked to himself and I couldn't help but smirk back, grabbing his head and pushing my tongue into his mouth again. We stood passionately kissing for quite some time before either of us decided to crash on the strangers bed. Just as we were about to close our eye's the door slammed open. Two very unhappy policeman stood at the door glaring at us both. Uh oh, I thought!


	10. Chapter 10

**(Author's note: Just a quick message here, hope your all enjoying the story so far! There are some lemons in this chapter, but mild ones haha! The chapter is short but sweet. Hope you like it and please don't forget to review! Reviews make Jasper excited!)**

**Alice**

I left the party feeling so furious and angry at Bella and Rosalie. Jasper was waiting in my room, looking a little sad and neglected, when I stormed in, slamming the door in rage.

"FOR FUCKS SAKE!" I screamed. Poor Jasper jumped out of his skin, and looked at me frightened.

"I've fucking had it with those bitches!" I went on, pacing back and forth. He didn't seem to relax.

"Who?" He murmured, swallowing hard.

"BELLA! AND ROSALIE!" I screamed, making him jump again.

"Oh" He said.

"Do you _know_ what they fucking did?"

"No...but I'm sure you'll tell me..."

"NOT only did they fucking _abandon_ me in a room full of drunken, disgusting, piggish men grabbing my ass and boobs, and spitting their beer/spliff mixed saliva all over me! BUT THEN the fucking cops turned up didn't they? Apparently word got out that someone was dealing cocaine on the premises and there was under-age drinking and drug taking so a whole bunch of coppers turned up with their big, black sticks! I was lucky I got away, but I didn't even want to _go_ to the stupid party! Bella got me all _fucking_ worked up, going on and on about how I'm like her _sister_ and how I couldn't handle being the talk of the school and all this bullshit!" I spat, still pacing.

"What do you mean? Why would you be the talk of the school?"

"BECAUSE...because, I'm hanging out with _you_" He looked hurt by my comment so I quickly went over to him and took his hand. "No not like that! I mean I'm glad I am hanging out with you, but Bella put all this shit in my head about it ruining my reputation and that I'd end up being constantly scrutinised and stuff and truthfully I don't give a flying scotts arse if I do any more! Let them judge, who gives a fuck right?" I smiled, sitting beside him. He nervously smiled back, shifting awkwardly. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"Erm...it's nothing...it's just...the swearing...you know" He said awkwardly.

"Oh! Sorry, I forgot..." I said, remembering he didn't much like the swearing being that he was a strong Christian and all. I smiled. "I'll try and be good. I just lost it that's all. Bella really does my head in. I can't be doing with her shi...baggage...any more! So what if she got raped, it doesn't give her the fucking right to be such a volatile cow! OOPS sorry I said fucking! ARGH I said it again, sorry" I rambled, laughing at myself. Jasper looked at me in complete horror. His face had gone from a palish cream colour to pure, white. I stared at him, puzzled until it hit me why he was in such shock. "Uh oh!" I said, smacking my forehead with my hand.

"Bella...was...raped?" He said still flabbergasted.

"Oh shit! I wasn't supposed to say anything! I can't believe it I'm _so_ STUPID, so, so STUPID!" I screamed smacking my head against the wall a few times. "You _cannot_ say anything! I mean it Jasper, no one is supposed to know! Oh crap I can't believe I told you" I carried on, feeling really awful. Jasper sat in silence, still with his jaw hanging at the seams. "Jasper?" I said after quite a while of silence, waving my hand in his face to see if he was still alive.

"I...can't..." He stuttered. "I can't believe it! Is that what happened over the summer?" He asked, now with a flush of anger in his expression.

"Yes" I answered reluctantly.

"But...I...what?!"

"Jasper promise me you won't say anything?" I begged.

"Of course I won't! But I just can't believe it. Were you there?"

"I was the one that found her"

"Oh my god! Who did it? Did they get caught?"

"I can't tell you" I answered.

"How? She was barely 12! How is this even possible?"

"Oh it's possible! That's how sick some people are! She was such a wreck"

"Now I understand why she...why" He broke off.

"Yeah. It still doesn't make it right though. I guess she was angry because you were taking up my time, and she wanted me to herself, but even so she shouldn't have done what she did to you!"

"No she shouldn't, but I can understand now a little more. Why did she become this way? I mean lots of people go through things like this, but they don't act out and try and destroy their lives!"

"It goes a little deeper than her just being...you know! But I can't tell you, I've already told you too much. Just know that I was the only person she had supporting her. I think the day we started school was the day she decided to become someone else. Pretend she was normal, and shut out feelings. It's not healthy, and I have _tried_ for so many years to be there for her, and support her but she just keeps shoving me away whenever I try to bring it up! I thought that if I stuck by her and pretended with her for a while she'd end up breaking down and start to deal with it. I mean no body can run forever right? But I just kept waiting and waiting, and then the pretending became like second nature to me. I just learned to live with it, still hoping one day she would break. But I can see now she's stone hard, and unbreakable! And I can't pretend any more, it's drowning me. I love her, to pieces but I just can't do it any more, I can't keep cleaning up her messes and faking a smile when I feel miserable!" I said with tears strolling down my cheeks. Jasper noticed my tears, and softly placed his arm around my shoulder, pulling my head to rest on his shoulder. I clutched at his soft, fluffy white, woolly jumper and cried into his shoulder. It pained me to have to let Bella go, because she really was like family to me, and I cared so much about her, but I really couldn't carry on dealing with her crap any more. It wasn't a lifestyle I wished to live. Her and Rosalie were just far too wild and out of control. I stayed lying in Jaspers warm embrace, cuddling into his really cushy jumper and comfy body, and nestling my face into his neck. He cuddled me back, making little humming sounds every now and again, and rubbing my back comfortingly. I felt my heart skipping so fast as he held me, and I couldn't breath as I took in his honey suckle odour. It felt as though I wanted to be with him like this forever, and never leave his arms. Such a strange feeling to me since men used to mean so little to me, and I pretty much hated every single male on the planet. Without even thinking of it my hand slid up from his jumper, brushing his cheek and locking into his hair. He moaned a little, closing his eyes, as I felt his breathing increase. I turned my face slightly and pressed my lips against his warm neck, slowly kissing it passionately. He buried his nose into my hair, as I continued to kiss his neck and gently pull at his hair. Then I brushed my lips up his neck, behind his ear, forcing a moaning sound from his throat, and then across to his lips. He caressed my lips back with his, slowly leaning his body into mind until he was laying on top of me on the floor. I began pulling his hair harder, and pushing his lips so far into mine, wrapping my legs around his waist and moaning. It was the weirdest most wonderful pleasure in the world. Passionate but tender at the same time, and so full of deep feelings it just felt amazing. So much so I whispered in his ear "Make love to me". He groaned and kissed me harder, pushing his body into mine. Before I could get carried away he pushed himself off of me puffing and panting and shouting "Stop! Stop!"

"I'm sorry did I do or say something wrong?" I said, worrying my plea had weirded him out.

"NO! Oh god no!" He said still panting, and looking a little pained.

"Was it the 'make love to me' comment? I'm sorry if that freaked you out!"

"NO! Oh Alice...I can't! I want to SO so bad but I can't! I...my religion...it would be a sin" He said, still looking pained and frustrated with himself.

"Oh I'm sorry!" I said sitting myself up and straightening myself out.

"No I'm sorry! I should _not_ have done that it was so wrong!"

"It's ok Jasper!" I said clutching at his hand. "I can wait! Your worth the wait" I smiled. And I really meant it. He was!

**Jasper**

I woke the next morning lying next to her, entangled together. We slept together last night, fully clothed luckily, although it almost ended up completely different! I almost lost control of myself when she whispered in my ear 'make love to me'. I felt my whole body ripple with a weird, fluffy feeling, and I desperately wanted to do what she asked. But I was so strong about waiting till marriage that I had to pull myself away. So we settled for cuddling, and it felt really nice sleeping beside her. I lay quietly watching her for what seemed like minutes but was actually hours, until she finally began to stir and awoke. She yawned, the cutest yawn ever, and then smiled with her eyes closed.

"Morning" She said humming slightly.

"Good morning!" I smiled back, lifting my index finger and stroking her cheek.

"Mmm that feels nice" She softly moaned, still with her eyes closed. God she looked like a angel.

"We should probably get up" I said shifting around to move, but she stopped me with her arm, pulling me back into her embrace.

"Nooo! Not yet, pretty please?" She begged in a cute little voice.

"How can I say no to that face!" I said, smiling and nuzzling my nose into her hair. We were quickly asleep again.

"So my mom spoke to your mother yesterday..." She started as we sat down at the table stuffing our face with yummy chicken sandwich's Alice had made.

"Oh...yeah" I said, remembering I still had mother issues.

"Don't panic, I told you everything would be ok!" She smiled. "Your mom's staying in our...erm...second home" She said flushing red embarrassed by the fact she had two houses. I raised my eyebrow at her and shook my head grinning. Of course she had two houses! Because this wasn't big enough already! "Before you start, that used to be our little town house, before my father left and then my mum started doing well at work so she wanted something bigger. But when the time came to sell it we just couldn't let it go, we'd had so many good memories there, so we kept it encase any family came over to stay or for times like this! _Any way_ your mom's hiding out there for a while, whilst my mom sorts some help for you dad. Hopefully, she thinks, your dad just needs some serious help for a while and maybe he can get back on track again. But in the mean time my mom's talking to your mom and helping her through her problems too. She's a miracle worker my mother so there's no need for you to worry any more! Your house is being taken care of as well" She grinned suspiciously then.

"What do you mean my house is being taken care of?" I asked curiously, furrowing my brow.

"You'll see!" She carried on grinning to herself. I let it go. "So what do you want to do today?" She asked after a while.

"Don't know!" I answered honestly. My weekends mainly consisted of locking myself in my room and reading or sketching buildings and stuff. I was really into architecture, always had been, but my family expected me to become a vicar one day just like my father and his father etc etc. Now I had Alice in my life again.

"We could go catch a movie or something! There's a new horror on called 'crosshairs' that looks gory as hell! Fancy it?" She asked seeming really excited for a girl about a horror movie.

"Yeah ok" I agreed, not remembering the last time I saw a film at the movies. She smiled and we went on eating in silence.

The movie was as gory as the reviews had made it out to be. Blood everywhere, I almost felt like puking. Alice seemed to laugh the whole way through, whispering every so often "As if!" and "How fake is that!". God she was something else!

After the movie we walked out of the cinema holding hands and laughing at how ridiculous the movie had been. As we came out onto the road we spotted a group of familiar people walking towards us.

"Oh shit!" Alice murmured, quickly trying to hide herself behind me, and blushing bright red.

"ALICE!" One of the girls screamed.

"Hi Jane!" Alice bemused forcing a smile. The group looking at each other and then at me and Alice, smirking to themselves.

"On a date?" Jane said, slyly smiling now. I felt really awkward. Alice sighed frustrated and then smiled up at me comfortingly, squeezing my hand.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I am!" She said proudly, standing up tall and staring them down.

"Oh" Jane said, as the four of them burst into to laughter. "Bye" She added, walking off and laughing.

"Well I'm glad that's over with!" Alice sighed, trying to stay positive.

"I'm sorry! I don't mean to cause you trouble" I said.

"No! Don't you dare apologise!" She said stepping in front of me and wrapping her arms around my shoulders. "I made this decision, for _me_! I've been wanting to escape their evil claws for a long time, but I didn't think I had the strength too! Until you..." She said shying away. I lifted her chin with my hand and leaned in to brush her lips with mine. We stood there for hours kissing, not caring who was looking at us any more, or what anybody thought because we had each other now, and that's all that mattered! We'd take all the crap at school tomorrow, and hold each others hand in support. We both only had one more year. One more year and then we would be an university together, hopefully as far away from idiot sinners and childish bullies for all of eternity! It was the start of a great relationship and I couldn't wait to find out what happened next! Me and my Alice.


	11. Chapter 11

**(Author's note: Hey all, hope your enjoying it so far :) There is some more lemons coming up in this one, short but sweet :) And be warey of Jasper's story...it's quite heavy and upsetting, so make sure you have your tissues handy. Don't forget to review! Reviews make Edward jump your bones ;) lol)**

**Bella**

"Name?"

"Bella Swan"

"Date of birth?"

"September 13th 1987"

"Address" The police women went on and on grilling me with question after question making my head hurt. We'd all been stuck in the police station all night, and the light outside was just starting to break through the dusty sky. I knew once they had my phone number I'd be in _serious_ trouble, especially when my dad found out I had been found with drugs in my system!

"I can't believe you!" I spat under my breath to Edward. He gave me a harsh, shocked look.

"Me? What the fuck did I do?"

"You...fucking...YOU!" I screamed pointing my finger at him angrily. He rolled his eyes.

"God you can be a fucking psycho!" He muttered turning away from my gaze.

"Well you would know!" Was all I could say.

"FOR FUCKS SAKE! How petty are you two! Why don't you just admit you fucking want each other!" Emmett said rubbing his bloodshot eyes. Rosalie was lying down on his lap, flat out like a pancake, and pale as a ghost. I ignored Emmett's comments, a little concerned.

"What's wrong with her?" I asked.

"She's just out of it that's all!" He said, stroking her hair and looking down her top.

"Are you sure? She looks really ill!" I said looking closer.

"She's fine!" He encouraged, and then she seemed to stir awake so I sat back and rolled my eyes. Typical Rosalie!

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING BELLA?" My dad screamed as we entered the house. Before I could speak he answer for me. "I'll tell you what you were thinking, you bloody _weren't_ thinking at all! You could have been killed! Do you_ know_ how dangerous ecstasy is Bella?" He went on, his face turning almost purple with anger.

"Dad, I didn't have any drugs!" I lied.

"Don't play dumb with me Bella, and don't _even_ try to say you were spiked because I know you Bella Swan, and I know how you've been acting! Your out of control Bella! I have no choice I _have_ to send you to rehab!" He enforced. This made me angry.

"NO FUCKING WAY DAD! There's no _way_ I'm going to rehab! I _don't_ have a problem with drugs, it was just a one off I swear! And I definitely _won't_ be doing it again I promise dad!" I begged.

"Bella I can't do this with you any more! Picking you up from the police station, having to pay a fine on your behalf, _knowing_ you've now got a permanent record for possession and usage of drugs! Bella it's not like it was before, when it was just the drinking, your taking class A drugs and I just don't know what to do for the best any more" He went on, almost breaking into tears. "Can't you see what your doing to yourself? Your a shadow of your old days, you don't even look healthy any more! You look pale, and gaunt, and I'm worried if I leave it any longer I'll get a phone call saying your d-dead!" He stuttered. I wanted to cry but I held myself together.

"Dad" I started, calmly. "I won't end up dead! Please trust me, this won't ever happen again!" I lied. I hated having to lie to him, but I didn't want to give up my lifestyle, not for him or any body! Because I knew if I did, I knew I would feel something I didn't want to feel. I couldn't let myself break. NEVER!

**Edward**

"RIGHT you two have some SERIOUS explaining to do!" Carlisle spat, full of raging fury.

"Dad, I need to go to sleep!" I begged, feeling close to fainting.

"NO! You _need_ to tell me just exactly what the hell you both were thinking! I mean it's one thing that you completely _ruined_ my dinner with Esme, who by the way is extremely kind and lovely, and was even apologising on your behalf! But then quite another for me to have to drive down to the police station at 6 in the morning, because you've both been found with possession of illegal class A drugs and so high and trashed on them that I had to _beg_ them not to put you in a cell for 2 years! Do have _any_ idea how much trouble you both are in? Your damned lucky that you had a legal drug on you and that they found the person who was actually dealing out drugs on the premises otherwise there would have been nothing I could of done to stop them from blaming you for being the dealer! You could have gotten life in prison do you understand that?" He said frustrated. I looked to the floor, far too exhausted to argue back.

"Dad just...it's not" Emmett tried to speak.

"DON'T even bullshit me Emmett. I've been here before _so_ many times with the both of you, and I just can't do it any more! I thought this move would be a positive thing for the both of you. Get you out of this drug world, and give you the tools to grow up! But your just slipping into the same old habits, and I'm fed up of it. I don't want to be spending the rest of my life picking you up from the police stations, or sitting beside you in a hospital bed. It's too painful for me!" He went on. "I have no choice but I have to send you away! You need an intervention. Something I can't give you alone! I've found a place that's perfect for you, a boot camp in Hawaii, famous for straightening drug addicted teenagers out! I think I have to..."

"NO WAY DAD! You can FUCK off!" Emmett screamed, hovering over Carlisle like he was about to punch him. I grabbed his arm to pull him back.

"THIS is exactly what I'm talking about! _This_ kind of behaviour! I can't deal with this...boot camp will be able to handle it better and..."

"Dad, please! We don't need boot camp, I'm sorry we fucked up again dad I really am! But _please_ there has to be a better way" I begged. No way was I going to no fucking boot camp, I didn't have a problem in my eyes. I'd run away first!

"What other way? I've tried everything with you two!"

"Just give us another chance dad please! I promise we'll get off the drugs!"

"How can I believe a word you say any more Edward? How many times have you promised and promised to get off the drugs, and what happens? You get arrested again! PLUS that girl Emmett was with looked a right mess! Did you coax her into this bloody lifestyle of yours?" He accused.

"NO! No. We didn't dad I promise!" I said quickly before Emmett could step in a scream profanity.

"Look!" He sighed heavily now. "I'll give you _one_ last chance! _ONE_ more mind, and if you so much as pull another stunt like this again that will be it! No amount of apologising and begging will save you then do you hear me?" We nodded. "Good! Now go to bed. I want you up before ten tomorrow to do some housework! And you can make dinner tomorrow! Your going to work off your HUGE debt to me some way or another!" He demanded.

"Sounds fair" I said, sighing to myself frustrated. It was the least we could do to stay away from boot camp, but still I preferred being a lazy shite!

Monday was...interesting. I drove a miserable Emmett to school that morning, where he just grabbed Rosalie and pissed off to skive in the nearby forest. I made my way to the principals office, reluctantly and feeling annoying I had to spend the whole day stuck in a smelly room with a bitch. Granted she had been fucking good in the sac! Sex with her was an out of body experience, fucking phenomenal! But that's all she was to me. Just another quick lay. Like the rest of the girls. But she wasn't like _other_ girls.

I entered the office and found her sat, reading some celebrity magazine. She was dressed pretty fucking hot, in a mini skirt, ankle boots, top and black leather jacket, than I just wanted her right there and then.

"Hey Bella" I said a little too high pitched I had to clear my throat.

"Hm" Was all she said, keeping her full attention focused on what looked like a Robert Pattinson article. What a ladies man! Lucky tosser!

"Reading anything good?" WHY, why, why? I asked myself. I never make small talk! Just hit the girl already, I thought. She looked up from the magazine slightly and gave me a harsh glare, then returned to reading.

"What crawled up your ass and died?" I said a little too smug at my comment!

"HA! Original" She laughed it off.

"You still mad it me?" I asked after a moments silence. The silent treatment was killing me, especially when my eyes moved from her face down to her clearly on show chest. WOWZA!

"Mad? Understatement of the fucking century!" She scorned turning the page of her mag.

"I'll take that as a yes then! For fucks sake Bella _I_ didn't get you in trouble, _you_ dragged me up to the room and practically jumped my bones!" I said getting really frustrated with her.

"WHAT?" She screamed, finally looking up at me and slamming the magazine down.

"You heard!" Your not clever Edward!

"I jumped your bones? Are you high or something? You fucking pushed me against the wall, and ripped my pants off! I'd say it was _you_ that jumped _my_ bones!" She said smug.

"Yeah right! You fucking yanked me up the fucking stairs, after you jumped on top of me and stuck your tongue down my throat! I didn't start nothing!" She pulled her face, shaking with anger. I raised my eyebrow at her, smirking back as if to say 'what you gonna do?'. And then she did it. She yanked herself off of the chair and onto my lap, before I even knew she was moving. The chair fell backward and we rolled off as she climbed on top of me, straddling my lower waist and sticking her tongue in my mouth again. God she was crazy, but I wasn't saying now. I checked quickly to make sure the door was closed, and then yanked her up and pushed her onto the principals desk, sending folders and papers flying everywhere.

"Uh yeah!" She moaned in my ear. Oh god she was hot!

"FUCK!" I moaned back, my dick rock fucking hard rubbing against her.

"I'm wet!" She whispered in my ear.

"Oh fuck Bella don't say that!" I said, feeling as though I might burst before I even got her pants off. She tugged at my hair, gripping it tightly so much so it was painful but felt really fucking good. I slipped my hand up her shirt, desperate to cop a feel of her breasts, and she moaned again in my mouth.

"Uh this feels good!" She groaned slipping her hand into my pants and rubbing my dick.

"URH FUCK so does that!" I yelled, really ready to blow. I fucked her again and again against the principals desk and anywhere else we could manage in that room, and slowly but surely the room started to smell off...sex! Oh this was definitely happening again! She was fastly becoming my guilty pleasure, and I_ mean_ pleasure! But no one could ever find out. Not now, not ever! NEVER!

**Alice**

The next day of school was awful! I got so many funny looks from just about _everyone_, even farm girl was glaring. But I sucked it all up and braved my way through the gossiping crowds, holding on to Jasper's hand tightly. He asked me a couple of times if I was sure we were doing the right thing, and I told him we were meaning it a hundred percent, but it was just hard to swallow the bullet. It was when we got to lunchtime things got _really_ bad.

"Oh look, bible basher got himself a _girlfriend! _Did she pop your cherry bible boy?" Some jock joked, laughing like a hyena with his butt head friends.

"Funny!" I said unimpressed and we moved on to Jaspers lunch table. People continued laughing and mocking until Bella and Rosalie entered the cafeteria, deep in conversation, and both looking a little...roughed up! Everyone fell silent as the briskly walked to our...their table, and then Bella turned and saw me sat holding hands with Jasper, and I just knew all hell was going to break loose.

"What the _fuck_ are you doing over here?" She whispered furiously. Rosalie hovered behind her looking disgusted, and I could see Jane and Leah itching to take my place as 'queen bee number three'!

"Sitting, and eating my lunch. Is that a crime?" I said cockily.

"It is when your sat here as if nothing is wrong, holding..._his_...hand like your making some fucking ridiculously fucked up point! I mean Al what the hell are you thinking? He's a washed up loser! Look at the state of him!" She went on, shooting a disgusted look at him. Jasper just sat, bowing his head down and not wanting to say anything. I saw him give her a couple of sympathetic glances every known and again, and I hoped he wouldn't bring anything up.

"WHAT are you fucking looking at bible boy?!" She screamed at his face.

"Nothing!" He said shying away.

"Hey leave Jasper alone! I've made my decision!" I informed her, shooting her a warning glance. She looked at me, as if I had done the most terrible, dishonest thing to her and then pursed her lips.

"You know what this means don't you Al?" She murmured, too low for anyone else around us to hear. "I can't vouch for you any more! Your out of the sisterhood for good!" She said sternly, looking me up and down and snorting, and then swanning of with her band of pathetic followers. Great, I thought, 13 years of friendship right down the toilet! I would _never_ look out for her again. NEVER!

**Jasper**

I sat there feeling so damned awkward I couldn't quite breathe. Usually I'd be fuming at Bella for her out of order lines but I could understand her pain. I knew what she was going through.

"God I hate her!" Alice screamed.

"Don't...I feel bad for her!" Alice's jaw dropped to the ground as we walked to our next class. The hall was pretty empty.

"What? Your sticking up for _her?_"

"No...but I understand her! I understand her pain!" I started looking around the hall to make sure no one could here me. "There's something I didn't tell you..."

"Go on..." She pressed looking at me confused.

"When you told me about...Bella...it kind of brought back a painful memory. I understand what she's going through because...well...one night when my dad got drunk, and started beating my mom up, he pushed her through a thin wall and then he...r-raped her also. I was only 13 at the time, and I cried and cried in so much pain at the sounds of my mom screaming. Knowing I couldn't doing anything but feeling like the worst person in the history of evil people, because I didn't help her! That's when I started self-harming" I lifted up my arm, and pushed back the sleeves of my sweater to show the pink scars all over my arms. She gasped, and tears started strolling down her face. "It only happened the one time, but...it changed her. She couldn't even look at me after that, let alone hug me or anything! I was so alone Alice. Until you came back into my life! You can't leave Bella alone, your all she has. Non of those _idiot_ girls are going to help her at all" I said lifting my hands and cupping Alice's face with them, as she looked at me in tears.

"Oh...J-Jasp..." She cried.

"It's ok!" I encouraged, pressing my lips to hers. "I didn't tell you this to upset you, just to say that Bella needs to face up to it all if she's ever going to move on. She's in pain Alice, I can see it in her eyes, I saw it today. That's why she says those horrible things, it's her way off...self harm! To abuse others, but it won't work forever" I said. Alice nodded as I wiped the remaining tears from her eyes.

"It's hard when she won't let me in!" She sighed, looking defeated.

"Don't give up on her just yet. Just let her know you there for her, even if she pushes you away, it's only because she knows your the only one who can bring her back down to earth! She'll come back to you eventually!" I encouraged.

"Your right Jasper! Your right" She said looking at me and weakly smiling, wrapping her arms around me and cuddling into me for ages. I loved cuddling her, and never wanted to stop. Never!


	12. Chapter 12

**(Author's note: Some lemons in this chapter :) However be warned there is some drug taking content that might be slightly upsetting. Please don't mistake it for me condoning drugs in anyway possible, you'll see as time goes on it's not good at all! Any how enjoy xx Don't forget to review, reviews make Jasper and Alice fall in love :D)**

**Bella**

Oh wow! Sex with Edward Cullen was just like the King of Leon's said 'this sex IS so fucking, amazingly, out of this fucking universe on FIRE!'. I'd never climaxed so much in my entire life! It was kind of great being with him...in a non relationship way of course! For the past couple of months we completely tore Principal Aro's office to piece's every second of the day. I was starting to feel glad we were sentenced to the whole day together, it made it easier than jumping each other in a crowded classroom! Sometimes we would skive off together with Emmett and Rosalie, who were also going at it like rabbits, and go sit and get stoned in a small meadow we'd found through the forests. The only time we weren't together were lunch times where they both disappeared of somewhere, and me and Rosalie took our usual place at the main table, with newbie bitch Jane. It still bugged me slightly that Alice had completely _abandoned_ us all for her sad ass virgin boy! But whatever, we didn't need her any way.

It was a typical Tuesday and we were at our usual spot in the meadow getting stoned and talking about the party Edward and Emmett were throwing at the weekend.

"Yeah so there's not going to be any high school _robots_ at this party, it's full of people who we can actually stand!" Emmett said. "You two are only invited for the pure sex factor after we've gotten completely smashed!" He said laughing along with Edward.

"Oh well as long as were good for something!" Rosalie said angrily wacking Emmett. Knowing she was mad at him he cunningly stroked her hair and kissed behind her ear. It worked a charm on her and they started macking. Edward tried to start kissing my neck so I slapped his face and pushed him back. He wasn't getting off that lightly.

"Oh come on babe. You know we like you, in small doses, but that whole popular 'in crowd' shit just doesn't wash with us!" He said gesturing inverted comers with his fingers.

"Yeah and you know there not your friends, you two can't even stand them! Why the fuck do you pretend?" Emmett added.

"Because, there are rules and me and Rosalie happen to like being in control of things at school, and worshipped, it's the way it's always been!" I said. Rosalie nodded agreeing.

"Exactly! We don't want to become losers!" She said rolling her eyes.

"But you girls are such hypocrites! You act like these high class, society girls but at the end of the day your happy to sit in random parks and forests, getting pissed and stoned and doing whatever drugs you can get your hands on! And then carry on pretending you above all that!" Edward accused. I don't know whether it was the pot or the fact I was a hormonal bitch right now but Edwards comments were really upsetting me.

"FUCK YOU EDWARD!" I screamed standing up and stormed off.

"Bella? Bella come on, for fucks sake don't be a bitch!" He screamed after me. I carried on running, tripping over a log and falling downwards. I pushed myself up, and continued to run, but Edward was such a fast runner he caught up with me and spun me around.

"What is wrong with you?"

"Your what's wrong with me! Just fuck off Edward!" I screamed pushing him away and trying to get away from him.

"Just wait Bella! I wasn't trying to upset you. For fucks sake can't you take a joke?"

"HA! A joke!" I yelled spinning round in fury. "You two fuck-turds are always fucking joking, and it's not funny! You'd think you fucking hated our guts or something the way you always put us down, as if we mean nothing more to you than a quick shag! I'm not a fucking love machine you know!" I screamed, not completely understanding my argument because I pretty much hated him and only used him for sex myself. He rolled his eyes.

"Oh god! Stop being a girl for a second. Your a lot more fun to be around when your not going off on one like a crazy bitch! Just smoke some more pot, chill out" He said trying to reach out and pull me in for a kiss. But I was too pissed off with him to want him any where near him, so I reached out and slapped him, turning to run again.

"BELLA!" He yelled. "Will you just wait!"

"NO!"

"Just let me fucking drive you home at least! I have some skag at home if you want some?" He offered. I stopped and turned round. I could do with some H!

**Edward**

My offer worked. I was driving her to mine to shoot some H, and then hopefully go at it. I hated when she got mad, we'd end up arguing over the most ridiculous shit, and then she wouldn't speak to me for 2 days. Sex withdrawal for that long was almost as bad as going without getting a drug fix! Almost! But unfortunately she had other ideas.

"Where's this so called skag?" She asked as I tried to kiss her again, still all pissy. God I hated women! I pulled out the skag, commonly known as heroin or H, and dissolved it on the spoon burning the spoon with my lighter underneath. Once I got the H in the syringe and tapped it I took my belt and tied it around the top of Bella's arm.

"Make a fist" I said, and then I pulled her arm out in front of her and then carefully pushed the needle into her vein, shooting her up.

"Ugh" She moaned, in the most sexy way, almost like she was orgasming. After she let the shit kick in she did the same to me and we sat taking in the beauty of the high. This was the life, and I thanked god Carlisle was away on business so I could get away with this easily. I reached out to take her hand in mine but she snatched it back jumping up out of the seat.

"I told you to FUCK off! I don't want your grubby, druggy hands touching me!" She screamed. I groaned in annoyance.

"What the hell is wrong with you today?" I said laughing. This only made her more mad, and she jumped on top of he and started punching me, screaming in my face.

"FUCK YOU, I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU FUCKING DICKHEAD!" She yelled, punching and punching and screaming in such rage her head looked like it was ready to blow. "YOU USE ME JUST LIKE THE FUCKING REST OF THEM! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!" She continued yelling. I didn't now what had just hit me, no pun intended! She was exploding like a volcano, like I'd just said the worst possible thing imaginable to her. What the hell what wrong with her? I mean this was beyond crazy! Next thing I knew she was clawing her nails into my face and skin, and when I tried to push her off of me she bit my arm. Then I just lost it, and slapped her across the face, where she in turn picked up a class and smashed it across my face.

"ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?" I screamed, pushing her to the floor and restraining her. She kneed me in the balls and then climbed on top of me punching my stomach so hard I thought my ribs were breaking. I pushed her back with more force this time and she wacked her head on the glass table.

"OH my god are you ok?" I asked starting to panic. I didn't want to fight with her like this, but she just kept attacking me I had to defend myself. After what seemed like an hour of violent throws and punches and crushing and shoving we sat back trying to regain our breath. There was blood pouring from my head, and I had so many scratches and bruises I looked like I'd just come out of a boxing match. She was in a bad state too, bleeding and bruising and she had a huge bump forming on her head.

"Why did we just do that?" I asked, feeling a little hurt and upset.

"Because your a fucking asshole! I knew I shouldn't have gotten involved with you, you only care about fucking me and nothing else. Once your bored you'll just toss me out like all your other whores!" She accused. I looked at her, flabbergasted by her comments.

"Are you for real?! Granted I am an asshole, that much is true, but I don't just care about fucking you! For fuck's sake can't you see I actually like you?! When your not being a total psycho bitch that is!" I said, truthfully. It was true, she wasn't like all those other girls I'd been with. Apart from the fact I'd only ever slept with other girls once, there was no one like Bella. She was wild and fun to be around, and I liked the fact she wasn't some typical girl. We could get high on all kinds of drugs, she was down for absolutely anything. We were like partners in crime, seriously doing all kinds of crazy shit, she even helped me break in to the principals home to have sex in his bed just for fun. That's the kind of girl she was! Nothing like those pathetic bimbo's at school who she hung out with, even Rosalie was growing on me.

"Like me? Why did you just fucking beat me up then?" She yelled back.

"I was _not_ beating you up! I was trying to fucking stop you from attacking me! Geez your worse than Emmett in a brawl, and that's fucking saying something for a girl!" I complimented, half smiling. She smirked a little then.

"Really?"

"Yes! I didn't realise how strong you were, I definitely won't be fighting with _you_ again!" I said, smiling at her. She grinned back and we sat staring into each others eyes for a while. Then she jumped me again, but this time to rip off my shirt and shove her tongue into my mouth, straddling on top of me. Before I could even react her hand was down my pants, gripping my hard on tightly and making me moan so fucking loud. FUCK YEAH I loved this girl! Her spontaneity was crazy, but so much fun! When we weren't fighting it was fantastic, and I hoped this would be the first and last brawl we got into. Little did I know this _wouldn't_ be the last fight we got in.

**Alice**

Things were on the up for me. Me and Jasper's relationship was getting stronger by the day, and I was starting to find joy in life again without the need for narcotics, poison juice or excessive gambling! It was great. People at school had started to lay off of us, especially when we got a new addition to our lunch table. Angela and Ben, who were equally as nice and non sinners as we were, and also the sweetest couple in the school. Ben and Jasper had become great friends, so much so me and Angela joked about their 'bromance' blossoming. Mostly though I was happy Jasper was genuinely happy again, and loving life. He liked having a friend and me as his girlfriend, and I liked having a group of people who were...how shall I put this...sane? It almost seemed like life was perfect. But I knew, deep inside my gut I knew that something bad was going to happen.

"Al your crazy!" Jasper said shaking his head and laughing.

"I'm not crazy I can just sense something bad is going to happen!"

"Since when did you become a psychic? Do you have some premonition power I don't know about?" He joked. I hit his arm. It was great he was happy, but did he have to be such a cocky ass these days? Ugh!

"It's not funny Jasper, what if something really bad happens?"

"Alice!" He said stopping in front of me and wrapping his arms around me. "nothing bad is going to happen ok? Trust me! Just because things are going well doesn't mean there all going to crash and burn any time soon! Don't worry sweety" He encouraged, leaning in and gently brushing my lips. I hated it when he did that. It made my mind go all fuzzy and I forgot what I was talking about. God I lo...liked him a lot! NOT LOVE NOT LOVE! Not yet! I mean I couldn't possibly...

**Jasper**

3 months of pure happy bliss! I had never felt so great in such a long, long, _long_ time and it just seemed everything was getting so much better for me. I had amazing new friends, I'd been accepted on a very prestige scholarship to study architecture at Yale, my mom and dad were working things out slowly but showing great improvement, and I had the most amazing girlfriend in the whole entire universe. When Alice had promised to sort mine and my families problems out I had doubted there was very much she could do. But she completely surprised me, getting my mom into helpful counselling with her mother who was a genius, and helping my dad get off the alcohol. They were both starting to deal with their real problems and for the first time I had real hope that we'd be a proper family again. Not only that but behind my back Alice and her mom bought our little shack of a house, completely had it re-done to look like real estate luxury, bringing in all kinds of furniture and electronics that we could of only dreamed about 4 months ago! It was so warm now and homely, I couldn't believe Alice had pulled this together behind my back. My mom promised to pay us back but Esme would not take it, and just said that as long as she got on the road to recovery that would be payment enough. Esme was so sweet. Yeah things were going great, and tonight was the night I was going to tell her.

"Can I open my eyes yet?" She asked as I carefully walked her up to my new bedroom. I kept my hands placed over her eyes, and closed the door behind me. Thank god my mom was away on some confidence building weekend, we had the place to ourselves.

"Ok...open!" I said, removing the hands and watching as she gasped in shock. I'd placed hundreds of thousands of candles all around my room, mixed in with lavender and camomile incense, turning my boyish bedroom into a gorgeous smelling boudoir.

"OH-MY-GOSH!" She said, breaking into a shocked smile. "I can't believe you did this!" She said as she spotted the rose petals I'd place on the floors and bed. She turned around, cupped my face and pulled me into a really passionate kiss. I was about to pull away when she softly unbuttoned my shirt and pulled me down on top of her on the bed. I didn't fight back this time, as she wrapped her long, spidery legs around my waist, and delved her tongue into my mouth further. Before I could unbutton her top she pushed me back.

"OH MY GOSH I'm so, so sorry!" She apologised, starting to panic. "I forgot, you can't do that! I'm sorry! Dammit Alice!" She yelled, bashing her head with her hand. I smiled and reached to take her hand away.

"Don't apologise. I wa...I want to do this!" I said, really meaning the words. She looked at me, shocked.

"What?"

"I want to do this! I know I said I wanted to wait till marriage, but...well...I'm in love with you Alice! Truly, madly in love with you, and somewhere in my heart I know your the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with! Why wait till marriage when I know your the girl I want to end up marrying one day!" I said. Her expression was unreadable that I started to worry. "ER...I mean only if you want to of course! I'll wait till your ready, I just...I wanted you to know that I love you!" I quickly said. Again silence. It was killing me not knowing what was going on in her head.

"I can't believe it" Was all she said. And then before I could get upset thinking I'd moved to fast she leaned in and kissed me again, moving her lips down my neck and up to my ear.

"I love you too!" She whispered, and I could feel her lips move into a smile across my ear. And then she turned her beautiful, soft loving face and put her forehead against mine, and something inside us both told us it was the right time. I leaned and grazed her lips with mine, slowly pushing her back onto my bed and laying on top of her. She moved her hands into my hair, as I cupped her face and twisted a lock of her hair around my finger. Then she sat me up sightly, and pulled at the bottom of my sweater, and lifting it over my head, running her hands across my chest. I pulled her vest top over hers and lay back on top of her, lost in her kiss. Just as she reached down to undo my pants her phone rang, and we both sighed in frustration.

"DAMMIT!" She screamed picking the phone up and answering. What bad timing, I mused to myself, laying down on my back and crushing my hand into my head. Dammit indeed.

"Hello?" She said looking rather annoyed herself. "What? What? Oh my...Oh" She said jumping of the bed and beginning to pace. Her face went from annoyed to frightened within seconds and I sat up concerned at her reaction. "Oh no! Oh god please tell me it's not true? OH MY GOD!" She was screaming now, with her hand over her mouth and almost fell to the ground. Tears of pain exited her eyes as I ran over to her and cradled her in my arms. "W-w-we'll be right there!" Alice said, crying now and hanging up. She burst into hysterics as I tried to force her to look at me.

"What is it? What's happened?" I asked so worried now.

"I-i-it's...it's..."


	13. Chapter 13

**(Author's note: So sorry this took longer than usual to write, but it was so difficult to write I had to change it around about 100 times lol! I hope it's ok, but it's all getting exciting now :D Enjoy and don't forget reviews. Reviews _might_ save a life!**

**Bella**

**I sat in pain and anguish looking at his ghostly, ill face. His eyes wide shut lost in another world. The faint sound of his breath as it shuddered, weakening with each second that passed by. My heart was pounding to break out of my chest, and my heart felt weakened and sick as I thought of what was to come, gripping his hand tightly in mine, holding on to his last few breaths. How can I live with myself if he died? How, when it is my fault! ALL my fault! **I don't know how I got to this place, or why this had to happen, things had been going...somewhat ok.

2 weeks prior to the worst day of my life me and Edward had hit the 3 month mark. We celebrated by getting slaughtered on excessive amounts of booze and a mix of different drugs we named a 'Bedward cocktail'. It was fucking brilliant, although our relationship was up and down at the best of times. Since our first proper fight Edward and I promised we would never fight like that again. He ended up with 17 stitches, and I ended up with 6. It was not good, but I thanked goodness we were able to see a private doctor so Charlie and Carlisle would never find out, and ship us off to hellsville! The promise however did not hold through. Every single day we'd fight, physically hurting each other, to the point where we needed stitches, then we'd get high on just about anything we could lay our hands on. It didn't matter to us as long as we were fucked off our faces. And then we'd just screw until the next day when we'd fight again. It was the same routine, and it was starting to become obsessive. REALLY obsessive.

"So how are you and Emmett getting on?"

"Fucking amazingly!" She answered, dabbing her face with powder whilst looking at herself in her compact mirror. "God I look _insanely_ beautiful!" She said winking at herself.

"Yeah...ok...well me and Edward are going good, thanks for asking!" I said, smiling at the image of the last time me and Edward had, had sex. Sex in the men's showers at the school gym, with the water boiling hot it was almost like a wet sauna, was absolutely _amazing_!

"Mmm" She said not even caring.

"Yeah he's so amazing, were perfect for each other!" I said. She snorted, looking up at me like I was crazy.

"You two are demented together!" Rosalie commented, swigging a huge amount of the worst whisky I had ever tasted.

"Yeah, but that's half the fun!" I said smirking.

"Yeah but me and Emmett, well we do get into brawls, but sex brawls, we've _never_ beaten each other up, and you two do it every day!" She went on.

"Well...I mean...it's just called fighting!"

"Whatever, you both need _serious_ help!" She laughed. I hit her arm.

"Fuck off Rosalie you don't know anything about love!" I said, angrily.

"Excuse me? _Love_?!"

"Yes love!"

"Oh my god! Bella your fucking insane!"

"I am not!"

"Edward brings the worst out of you, and you can't see it. You used to be normal, now your just some crazy bitch, who gets into physical fights with her boyfriend every day, and then calls that love. Bella you need a psych ward! Listen I just _hate_ being around you when your this..._pathetic_! Jane and I have been discussing it and we think it's time you find some new friends! I can't stand you any more" She insulted, standing up and waltzing off. What a bitch! She was so wrong about me and Edward, we had a great relationship! Didn't we?

**Edward**

3 months in and things were going awful. Me and Bella had somewhat of a...complicated (if that's even the word for it) relationship. Every day we'd fight, physically hurting each other to the point we needed stitches and private doctor's in order to shield Charlie and Carlisle from the truth. Then we'd do every kind of drug there was, get pissed and fuck. But it was getting to the point were we were both getting dependent on each other, spending every waking day in each other's company, barely ever being sober, and running each other into the ground! Rosalie and Emmett's relationship was the same, and he had even told her that he loved her and vice versa.

"I really fucking do love her man!" Emmett said in-between smoking the strongest cannabis on the planet. Good shit! "She's just so fucking amazing, it's like I can't even see other girls any more, there not good enough, no where _near_ Rosalie's level! It's not just that she's hot! I mean _fucking_ hell she's hot! But it's on such a higher level than that man, I mean I just can't explain it! I want to spend the rest of my life with her, it's fucking crazy because I've never had to care about anyone else apart from myself...and of course you! But she's such a big part of my life now, I just would do anything for that girl..it's fucking crazy!" He went on and on, speaking so fast I had to really concentrate to just stay on track with what he was saying. "I mean is it like that with you and Bella?" He asked making me shiver in disgust.

"UGH no! I don't even know what the word love means, it doesn't exist in my dictionary!" I said laughing. He rolled his eyes at me. "It's just not like that with us!" I said, actually confused as to what it was that was going on with me and Bella.

"HA!" He said laughing.

"What?" I asked, a little too high pitched.

"Your ridiculous man! When have you ever spent so much time with another girl...no sorry _person_ than you do with Bella? I mean think about it! I barely see you on your own any more, your always with her...mind you I'm always with Rosalie! I can't believe you can't see it!"

"Can't see what?" I yelled.

"Your totally into her!" He said grinning. I pulled my face up at him in disgust.

"I'm not! That's completely ludicrous, I can't stand the bitch!"

"Erm...ok so why do you spend every fucking day with her?"

"Because...not that it's any of _your_ business, she's good in the sack. Apart from that she's unbearable to be around!"

"Oh man! You are so dumb" He said laughing at me. God I wanted to punch his fucking lights out! What the _hell_ was he talking about? Loving Bella! I mean seriously it's just crazy! I mean sure yeah I did _care_ about her in some ways. When we weren't fighting things were pretty awesome, and she definitely was unlike any other girl I'd ever met. When I kissed her it was like having an out of body experience, and when we cuddled, after going at it, it felt really kind of...nice but I mean what's that right? She pissed me off to the point I wanted to kill her sometimes, but at the same time there's no way I'd ever want anything bad to happen to her. Sure we got into fights but she would be the one punching and I'd be blocking. I'd never _ever_ want to hurt her like that, _ever!_ But she was _so_ irritating. Like being on a constant roller-coaster, and trying to eat a sandwich at the same time! But something wasn't quite fitting, and I couldn't put my finger on it. Mainly because I was _never_ sober half the time, so my brain was pretty fried!

"YOUR PISSING ME OFF!" Bella screamed, as we sat drinking beer and snorting cocaine.

"How?" I asked wishing I could just go death for an hour or two!

"You just fucking are! All the time, it's like talking to a fucking brick wall sometimes! I mean do you even care at _all_ about me?" She yelled, right up in my face.

"Oh my god! Stop with this shit already! I'm so sick of it!" I said frustrated. That's when the slapping started. "QUIT IT!" I screamed. That's when the punches started. And then as if by magic we were in a brawl again, and I just rolled around trying to save myself from permanent damage, waiting for when we'd be fucking like rabbits again.

"I FUCKING LOVE YOU, YOU BIG, STUPID, FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE, LOSER!" She screamed into my ear, almost granting me the wish of going death. Almost!

"What?" I said in shock, pushing her back and looking into her angry eyes.

**Bella**

"I said I love you!" I said calmly. I couldn't believe I was saying it out loud, but it just felt right. I did love him. Very much. I mean sure we had the most _abnormal_ relationship that even freud himself couldn't fix, but we had something special. I hated most men, but with Edward I felt like more of my true self was able to come through, no matter how scary that might be. He brought out the best and worst in me. Ok so maybe worst!

"What the _fuck_ are you talking about? You don't love me! You don't fucking batter someone you love! This isn't love this is insanity!" He screamed at me, standing up and kicking the coffee table as he walked away from me.

"I think I know myself that I love you! So maybe your right about our relationship being a little..._insane_ sometimes but there are good things too!"

"Like what? Think about it Bella we don't have anything! Great sex, sexual chemistry, sharing an interest in getting smashed...I mean that's not love Bella!"

"I can't believe your saying this! We have far more than just good sex. We have passion, we have a connection, I feel like a different person when I'm with you!" I said, unconvinced by my argument myself.

"HA! That's bull Bella! Face it, we have nothing! It's the most unhealthy relationship. Bella were killing each other! It's only going to get worse. I can't be around you any more, it's not normal and I seriously feel like if we don't stop this now it's going to get so bad that we actually _do_ kill each other!" He went on. I felt the tears burning at my eyes. All I said was 'I love you' and he was completely over-reacting. "Can't you see it Bella? Our relationship is destructive!"

"But it's great too!" I said, close to tears.

"Did it ever occur to you that it might be too great? Like _really_ too great to the point if we carry on, next thing you know we'll be holding hands and jumping off a bridge together! We can't be together any more, I can't do this shit with you, it's too fucked up! Besides I think there's only so much scarring I can take!" He went on, not even looking at me now. "I'm leaving. Please don't be here when I get back!" He said storming out. I couldn't believe this was happening. I couldn't stand not having him in my life, it would be shit without him! I needed him, every day, I needed him. I got up and ran after him, following him as he crossed the street.

"EDWARD!" I screamed. He turned round looking annoyed with me.

"It will work out, because we-we-we..." I broke off into tears. He looked at me with cold, stone ey

"WHAT?" He yelled back.

"Please! Please don't leave!" I begged, jumping at his legs. He pushed me off.

"Bella it's not going to work! Just fuck off, please!" He said trying to turn away again. I grabbed hold of him and turned him back round.

"Please I'm begging you! We can work this out. I'll try and stop being angry, I really will!"

"It doesn't matter! We bring out the worst in each other. It's just never going to work out. I need to be alone"es, and a hardened face, and then turned to face the side.

"I don't _want_ you Bella! I don't want the horrible fights any more, because their insufferable! Your insufferable!" He insulted. My legs started to give way underneath me. I couldn't bare his harsh words any longer.

"Why are you being so cruel? I told you I loved you and you freak out!" He took a deep breath and looked at me, slightly more pained.

"Forget what you told me. I've been thinking for a while that this is not working any more. I don't want it to get any worse, because believe me it will! Today were fighting and then having sex, tomorrow we could be pulling the trigger of a gun, and killing one another! I'm not going to let that happen. I could never let anything happen to y...me! You'll be fine you have Rosalie!" RIGHT! Rosalie? The girl who had been completely ignoring me since she told me I was a changed person and she no longer wanted anything to do with me. Yeah she was a great friend! Even Jane was beginning to faze me out, it was like I was becoming nothing. And now without him...without Edward...I couldn't breathe!

"This isn't fucking Romeo and Juliet Edward! I would _never_ kill you! Ever! I need to work on my anger, that's all, but I can't live without you! Please, please don't leave" I continued begging. He shook his head at me and turned to leave. I jumped for him again, grabbing his arm but he shoved me off and I fell to the ground. He seemed to look at me apologetically but before I could say anything he was running across the street. It all seemed to happen to quickly. I stood up ready to shout after him, and then BANG! SMACK! THUD! CRUSH! CRACK! BANG! A speeding car was coming down the street faster than we could even notice. Before Edward could see to get out of the way, the car came plummeting into him, smacking him over the window shield, cracking his body against the car roof throwing him smack bang into the bonnet, and flinging him into the road, crushing him against the tarmac. The sound around me became so blurred. I could barely make out the sound of the constant horn from the car, the sound of compressed air and steam blowing out of the engine, and some kind of weird, screeching sound. The screeching noise was becoming so painful to my ears, I couldn't work out if my eardrum was bursting. But then as I could clearly see Edward lying there in a pool of his blood, still and lifeless I realised it the screeching was coming from me.

"EEEEDWAARRD!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, feeling as though my eyeballs might pop out of their sockets, and my lungs had burst into flames. The shock and pain went through me like lightening bolts and I couldn't bring myself to go to him.

"EDWARD, EDWARD PLEASE MOVE!" I yelled, praying with all my might that he would just move. But he didn't, and I couldn't handle it. Edward was d-de-_de-ad_. Wasn't he?


	14. Chapter 14

**(Author's note: This chapter is very short compared to the rest, and it from Carlisle's perspective. I thought it was important to see it from his point of view, to gain more of an understanding of him, and also so I could slip in a little C+E :D Not lemony just _very_ sweet! =) Enjoy and don't forget to review! Reviews make C+E fall in love!)**

**Carlisle.**

I'd never felt so relaxed in all my life. 1 month away from all the crap back home was heavenly, and what was even better was the company I was keeping. Esme had decided to accompany me to Chicago, and we had become...close. I liked Esme, she was the most beautiful person inside and out. I hadn't liked anyone since my beautiful wife Elizabeth, and there was a time I believed I never would! But _that_ day, when she floated into my ward, and brightly beamed her beautiful smile at me, blinding me by her beauty and grace I just fell badly for her. My whole body vibrated as I tried to buck up the courage to introduce myself, and talk to her about stuff that wasn't on a work related basis. And then as if by magic she came to me, and we talked for hours. She told me all about her wonderful daughter Alice, who sounded angelic compared to my two sons. I was almost embarrassed to mention them, but I just said they were going through a 'stage'. She nodded in understanding and promised me they would pull out of it one day. I surely hoped so! Things just clicked with Esme and I really enjoyed her company. She was so easy to talk to, and she was very caring and understanding, I really felt amazing when I was with her.

"So can you stay another week?" She asked hopeful, with an excitable glint in her eye. We were sat in a friendly local pub, chatting and having a nice, quiet alone time together.

"I can indeed! In fact my boss actually _ordered_ me to stay longer, he says I work too much! Which is probably true" I smiled, taking a sip of my pint. She laughed, that giggly, cute fairy laugh that I just adored. It was like hearing music, and was incredibly infectious, that even if you were furious, one laugh from her and everything was clouds and rainbows.

"You have been looking very stressed lately, is everything all right at work?" She asked, concerned.

"Ah yes" I grimaced, taking a deep breath. "No work is fine...but I am stressed at the minute, your right about that" I answered, not feeling able to look into her prying eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked carefully. With her musical voice it was pretty difficult to not want to open up to her. She had me hypnotised.

"I don't know..." I answered reluctantly. She reached her hand across the table and placed it gently over mine, cupping it tightly. It sent a thousand shivers down my spine, as I intertwined our fingers and squeezed her hand back. "It's my sons. Emmett and Edward..." I started, avoiding her gaze. "I just don't know what to do for the best any more. I love them both _so_ much it kills me to watch them kill themselves. I haven't been honest with you. It's far worse than just teenage hormones and occasional drinking. _Far _worse" I looked up at her gaze now. She was gesturing me to go on, raising the corners of her mouth into a comforting smile. "When Eliz...when their mother died it was so tough on us all. I didn't know how to be there for them, because I was in so much pain myself. I felt terrible, those long, upsetting nights where I could hear the cries, but couldn't bring myself to go to them. Worried that the state I was in would upset them more, but I guess it only made things much worse! Emmett got involved with some...people. Not very nice people, who introduced him to drugs. He was so young, you just don't think your son would ever find a world so bad. But he did such this, and in doing so brought his younger brother, Edward, down with him. At first I thought it was the pain and anguish of their mothers death that was making them act out in such vile and angry ways. But it continued to get worse. They were flunking school, getting arrested and twice Emmett came close to dying from two _severe_ overdoses. Edward has been hospitalised countless times. I sat by their hospital beds, gripping their innocent hands in mine, crying. I'd done them so wrong. When I found out what they were into I tried _so_ hard to put things right. I tried to hold them, I tried to talk to them to make them talk to me. I constantly told them I loved them, so they would feel reassured and know they had me who would always stand by them. But the damage was done, and they rejected me so much so I had no clue what to do for the best any more. There's no handbook on how to help your kids in these situations, and what the best thing to do is. I could do the obvious thing and send them to a boot camp, but I know how tough those places are, and I _know_ deep down in these boys their still hurting" I said, as tears strolled down my cheek. She gripped my hand tight, and leaned in to brush my cheek with her other hand.

"Oh Carlisle" She cried, close to tears herself. "You did everything you could! Don't forget you were hurting too. You do so much for them, you must know that!"

"Do I? Do I really?"

"_Yes_ of course you do! I mean if it were me in this situation I wouldn't know what to do. It's so hard because there's no right or wrong way, and it's such a delicate matter. Your sons are not bad people their just very...disturbed. You _have_ to realise it isn't your fault, it's just at their age dealing with loss affects people in very different ways. They have turned to drugs to shield them from feeling the true pain of what has happened. Many people turn to drugs or other addictions to give them some kind of brief happiness, it happens with so many these days"

"But so many other people loose their families every day! More than one sometimes, yet they seem to get by..." I said a little frustrated at myself more than anything.

"Yes but like I said, people take loss and deal with it differently. Some choose to deal with it day by day, accepting the anguish and suffering until it begins to get easier. Others choose to run away and take solace in destructive things because their a quick release, but only worsen your situation. They haven't accepted it yet. They've chosen to run from the hurt and pain. It's very, _very_ sad and I absolute curse the bastards who taunt these innocent youngsters into the drug world! It's sick and disgusting, and half the time these people aren't even on drugs themselves their just looking to coax people in!" She said getting angry. She took a deep breath and continued calmly. "They have to want to be helped. They have to _really_ want it. I mean...I could help you if you want? Maybe they just need an outsider to set them on the right path? It's worth a shot?" She asked me with a helpful tender gaze. I couldn't help but smile at her, she was so caring.

"That would be wonderful, and I'm sure you'd be _so_ helpful, but I think it's gone beyond that now! I mean just the other week when I went back to visit you should of seen Edward! He had cuts and grazes all over him, like he's been in an awful fight. And he never lets any one in, _any one_! Even Emmett gets limited access behind the brick wall! I just feel like no matter what I do I'm a failure and a _terrible_ father! And I absolutely do _not_ want to bring you into it. The way they treated you at dinner that time was...disgusting! I've never been so ashamed in all my life, and you were so gracious about it, I wanted to throttle them"

"Oh Carlisle! _You_ are _not_ a terrible father! Your amazing considering it all. I mean you provide for them, you care so much for them, you love them so much, even I can see that! There good boys, they've just lost their way but it's not impossible. I _will_ help you Carlisle, and not because it's my job but because I care a lot about you. Your _such_ a decent man, it's so rare that men like you exist, and it's kind of refreshing! I really enjoy being with you, and...I just want to here for you as best I can! Including helping your family" She beamed a smile. I couldn't hold back any longer, she was too irresistible. I leant over the table, tenderly cupping her face and brushing her lips with mine. Kissing her was like kissing strawberry's and ice cream, absolutely _sweet_! She pulled back ever so slightly and rested her forehead against mine, raising the corners of her mouth into a passionate smile. I smiled back, feeling the warmth radiate from her lips.

"Do you know what you do to me?" She asked, with a certain giggly, nervous tone to her voice. I furrowed my brow slightly confused.

"What do you mean?"

"You make me so nervous and jelly-ish! I feel like I might stop breathing when your around. And then your kiss...Oh...it's _incredible_!" She moaned, closing her eyes and biting her lip slightly. I grinned, feeling quite pleased that I had that affect on her. If only she knew that was the _exact_ affect on me! "I think...Mr Cullen" She started grinning herself. "I think I just might be falling in love with you!" She said, sending a thousand fluttery butterflies into my heart, which was now pounding so fast I could hear it.

"I think...Miss Brandon...I'm head over heels in love with you!" I said back, forcing her to push her lips against mine again, and far more passionately.

"Shall we move this upstairs?" She asked in-between breathing. And I smiled back, flirtatiously and took her hand, as we left together, totally and completely in love!

The next morning I awoke in her loving arms. She felt so perfect next to me, like a perfect fit, and I never wanted to get out off bed. But I had to, and I made my way to the lounge, to order us some breakfast. Nothing like breakfast in bed! As I went to pick the phone up my mobile started vibrating.

"Hello, Dr Cullen?" I answered awaiting the other voice down the phone. It wasn't a number I recognised.

"C-c-c-Carlisle?" Someone stuttered down the phone, clearly very upset.

"Who is this?" I asked a little worried.

"I-it's Alice!" She cried.

"Oh! Alice! Do you want me to get your mother?"

"N-no...you have to come home" She said slowly, sniffing and breathing out of sync.

"Why what's happened Alice?"

"T-T-they died!" She said, bursting into tears again.

"Who died?" I asked, _very_ panicky now. The phone suddenly went dead and my panic only grew worse as I thought of all the people that she could mean. My two sons? Their girlfriends? Who knew! All I knew is I _had_ to awake Esme and hurry home as fast as I could! A sudden black cloud showered through me as the thought of it being either of my sons or both of them completely pained me. This was _not_ going to be good!


	15. Chapter 15

**Alice**

We all sat in complete silence, in the not so comforting hospital waiting room. The fact you could smell death, the seats were rock hard, and everybody was either hurt or close to tears with worry did not help us in any way! How it got to this point right here and now was beyond me. But they were dead, that much I knew for sure.

Three days prior to this me and Jasper were getting closer, and sharing our feelings. We finally both felt ready to be intimate with each other when my phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered, really frustrated with whoever it was. I could here the sound of a girl crying down the phone.

"A-Alice" They squealed. "Alice...Edwards in hospital!" She cried. I could tell it was Bella by now. "He's been run over by a c-car! He's in such a bad state Alice I-I-I don't know if he'll surv..." She burst into tears.

"What? What? Oh my...oh!" I jumped up, panicky now.

"It's not just that Al...Rosalie is in hospital too! Sh-she's really bad Al! C-Can you please come? I think he might die! I couldn't live with myself if he died Alice! It's my fault. IT'S ALL MY FAULT!" She screamed hysterical. "Oh no! Oh god please tell me it's not true?"

"I-it's true!" She cried.

"OH MY GOD!" The tears started to burn down my cheeks at the thought that not only one of my longest friends was in hospital in a bad state, but Edward too?

"W-will you come?" She asked sniffing. "I really need you Al!" She begged.

"W-w-we'll be right there!" I said hanging up and turning to a very worried Jasper.

"What is it? What's happened?" He asked bending down to me as I fell to the floor.

""I-i-it's...it's...Edward and Rosalie!" I answered in-between crying.

"What about them?"

"Their-in-hospital"

"What!" After it all began to hit in, and I finally felt able to move we dashed as quickly as we could to get to the hospital.

The hospital seemed empty today, which made me slightly thankful that at least both Edward and Rosalie had more attention. During the car ride there I thought of a hundred different scenario's of why they were _both_ in hospital. Had they taken too many drugs? Had they been in a car crash? Had they been so wasted they both got run down? I didn't know. We quickly found Bella, who was sat crushing her knees into her chest crying and shaking. I went to her, feeling quite shocked to see the state she was in. It had been a long time since I'd seen this Bella! Her hair looked wild and out of place, her face was ghostly pale, her eyes black and red through clear excessive crying, and she just looked slobbish and broken. Just like she had looked that day she came to me after being...

"Bella!" I cried, wrapped my arms around her as tears strolled down my face. She tightened up more as I touched her, whimpering.

"A-l...they won't tell me anything" She said in-between her cries.

"Shh it's ok!" I comforted stroking her hair with my fingers. Jasper just stood awkwardly behind me, not knowing what to do with himself. "Where's Emmett?" I asked after a short silence.

"Jail! H-he beat up some para...medic when they came to t-take her!"

"Oh my god! Jasper can you please go find a nurse?" I asked, desperately wanting to know more about the situation but not wanting to push Bella.

"Of course!" He said nodding, and flashing me a comforting smile. He left swiftly and I turned back to Bella who was attempting to sit up.

"Oh Alice!" She cried jumping into my arms. "I'M SO SORRY! I'm so sorry!" She shouted again and again. I knew what she meant.

"It's ok Bella, it's ok! Don't worry, I'm here! I always will be here for you, you know that don't you?" I asked cupping her face with my hands. "Your like a sister to me, I care so much about you!" I said hugging her again. It was true she was like my sister, and I'd always love her despite what she may say and do sometimes, she was...family!

Jasper returned soon after, followed by a male nurse who looked just as confused as we were.

"Hello...I'm afraid there's nothing much we can tell you at this time. Both are in critical care, and cannot receive visitor's right now. Were doing everything we can, but until we know more there's not much I can say. I'm so sorry! My name is Alec, you can ask for me at the front desk and I shall come right away. Here are some hospital vouchers for you to use in the cafeteria, please eat and drink plenty" He said smiling and comfortingly as he could. Bella burst into tears again as he left.

"They've been saying that _all_ fucking day!" She yelled. "_I'm sorry I can't tell you anything...as soon as we know you'll know!_" She imitated, groaning in anger.

"I know Bells but...there just doing their job hunny!" She just grunted, and turned away.

"Listen...I think we should call their families...I don't think the hospital has let them know yet" Jasper suggested, trying to tip toe around the situation. He was feeling rather out of place.

"WELL...dick weed!" She insulted standing up like she was ready to pounce on him. "Rosalie doesn't have real parents, her foster _PARENT_ doesn't give a flying _shit_ about her! Why the fuck do you think she's so twisted? NOBODY fucking cares about that girl, except us! And what the fuck are you doing here anyway, go back to church, loser!" She screamed.

"Bella...this isn't his fault. Please don't be angry at him, he's only trying to help!" Bella shoved me off.

"Your _supposed_ to be on my side, not _his_! Your _my_ friend! Yet you choose him over me!" She accused.

"That's not true Bella, I love you like a sister! But I love him in a different way, but that doesn't mean I don't love you any less! I can belong to both of you, it doesn't have to be a case of choices!"

"YES it does! You can't have it both ways Alice, either your here for me of you and your bible boyfriend can fuck the hell off!" She yelled. I sighed, not knowing what to say. She was clearly angry because of the situation and needed someone to take it out on, but at the same time I couldn't just leave her, she was already doing a good enough job shutting everyone out. If I just left she'd feel abandoned and it would only worsen the situation.

"Bella...I won't choose! Please stop asking me too. You love Edward right?" I asked carefully, knowing that I could completely fuck this up big time. She jumped back at this question, and the previous vulnerable Bella seemed to return.

"Yes" She answered weakly.

"If I asked you to choose between me and him you would hate it right? So I choose to have both of you, because you can both share me, I'm here equally for _both_ of you! I truly do love Jasper, the way you love Edward...but you are family. And no matter what you do or say I _refuse_ to ever leave! I will not just walk away, whether you hit me or beat me to the ground I would stay put. Don't push me away Bells. Please!" I said, grabbing hold of her as she tried to push me away. I kept fighting as she trying to push, until I pulled her into a hug and then she let go and cried into my arms.

"I-I'm sorry Alice" She cried, and as I rubbed her back comfortingly I knew she'd finally broken that wall down.

**Jasper**

Two days had passed, and still _nothing_! We'd managed to get hold of Rosalie's foster mom, but she just said she was busy on holiday and she'd deal with Rosalie's crap when she got back. I had to hold back from screaming at the bitch, how could she treat Rosalie that way. According to Bella Rosalie's real parents divorced when she was little. Her mother fucked off to Rome or somewhere like that, and her dad didn't want her either so she was put in care at the young age of 7. Esme, Alice's mom, was one of the children's counsellor's at the time and that's how Alice met her. They became friends, as Esme made sure Rosalie went to the same school as Alice, and then Alice introduced her to Bella. I guess all three of them had a sisterly bond, and I could see now why Bella and Rosalie acted in ways that people might fault them for!

We didn't have the same '_luck_' (if you can call it that) with Edward's dad Carlisle. He was away on some business trip, and had only left Edward his mobile number, however that was back at his house. Bella didn't want to leave the hospital in case something happened, and she didn't want Alice to leave her, nor did Alice want to leave her! She didn't trust me to go, so we were stuck in the stinking waiting room, exhausted from no sleep, and looking close to death ourselves. Everyone was starting to get snippy and frustrated as we waited and waited and heard not one word.

"I think you should go home Bella hunny. I'll come with you, we'll go to his house and get the number. You can get a shower and some kip and we'll come _straight_ back I promise!" Alice suggested, still holding Bella in her arms. I sat beside Alice holding her other hand wishing I'd brought my bible to pray with. Edward and Rosalie needed all the help they could get.

"No, no I can't! I can't leave" She insisted getting panicky again.

"It's ok Bella, the doctor's say there might not be a change for a while. There's no harm in at least getting the number and a shower! Please Bella?" She begged. Bella pained over it for a while and then nodded in agreement.

"Jasper could you possibly stay here and call us if there is any changes?" She asked me.

"Of course!" I agreed, wanting to do anything for Alice that I could. I would never say no to her.

"We'll be back as soon as we can" She promised, smiling apologetically.

I must of fallen asleep or something because I was suddenly awoken by someone screaming and shouting at the top of their voice. I fixed my vision and noticed that there was a bulky, man screaming in one of the nurse's face.

"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY I WANT TO SEE HER _NOW!_" He yelled, throwing his fist in the nurse's face.

"Please calm down sir! No one can see her right now, she's in _intensive_ care! We will tell you as soon as we know anything!"

"I WANT TO FUCKING SEE HER NOW!" The guy yelled back. He turned round slightly and I could clearly make out it was Emmett.

"Emmett!" I called. He turned to me, with such anger and repulsion in his face.

"WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?" He yelled at me, looking ready to pound my ass.

"I-I'm Jasper! I'm here with Alice and...Bella" I answered swallowing hard. He thought about it for a second and then calmed slightly.

"You better fucking tell me as _soon_ as you know anything!" Emmett demanded from the very frightened nurse, and then he came over and sat next to me, burying his head in his hands.

"Where are they both?" He asked calmly.

"They've gone to get his...your dad's phone number!" I answered, crushing my hands into each other nervously. He looked up at me with a puzzled expression.

"What are you talking about?"

"B-ella and Alice went to get your dad's number! For where he's staying!"

"What do you mean? Why would they want my dad's number?"

"To tell him...what's happened. With Edward I mean!"

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" He screamed, full of rage again. I shot back out of my seat, putting my hands up in a plea.

"E-E-Edward...h-he...he was run over...didn't they tell you? He's in the hospital as well. All they could tell us was that he was in an induced coma. He's in a bad state but they don't know any more. Were just waiting to find out, as well as with R-rosalie" I continued, praying to god that he didn't beat me up right now.

"Edward's...in a coma?" He asked with a certain sadness in his tone.

"Yes...Bella was with him when he got...ran over. She couldn't do anything to stop him, he just ran out. I'm s-so sorry!" He seemed to be in shock, not being able to speak another word. We both sat in silence, awaiting for news that hopefully would be positive.

"I called Carlisle!" Bella said as they returned to the waiting room. The hospital had given us a small, private waiting room, as requested by Carlisle, so we could easily avoid other people.

"He's on his way" She said, sitting down and crushing her head into her hands in despair.

"Has there been any news?" Alice asked, knowing the answer.

"No, not yet" I said, feeling just as frustrated as they all were.

"This is fucking ridiculous!" Emmett said agitated, standing up and starting to pace. "I mean for fucks sake, how can they not know what's going on!"

"I don't know but it's really, _really_ hurting my brain thinking about it!" Bella exhausted, looking as though she may faint. Emmett noticed her state and went over to put his arm around her.

"Edward will be ok you know! He's strong my brother, really strong! Nothing could get through that boy" He said, half laughing but with such sorrowful sadness. I started to see a more vulnerable side to Emmett, he must really care about his brother.

Six hours later, and about 500 cups of coffee between us Carlisle stormed through the doors, followed closely by Esme. Esme ran to Alice's side and wrapped her arms around her.

"Oh Alice!" She cried.

"Carlisle what's happening what's going on?" Bella asked. Carlisle looked at us all pained and tormented and then bowed his head down.

"It's not good news..."

**(Author's warning: The next chapter is quite heavy, so be prepared. Hope you liked this chapter, and please please review :) reviews will make Edward smile =))**


	16. Chapter 16

**(Author's warning: Again just to say this chapter is quite heavy so be prepared. Don't forget to review :))**

**Bella**

My heart started pounding so fast as Carlisle moved into the room at a glacial, sorrowful pace. I knew his news was bad, even before he had chance to say "It's not good news..." and I felt everything stop, like a break in time. I couldn't breath, I couldn't move, it was like I had floated out of my body, and couldn't see or hear anything.

The thing you had to realise about Rosalie was, she was the most beautiful person, even more angelic than Alice or even Esme! As a child she would be the most generous, loving, caring person anyone had ever known, she just didn't have a bad bone in her body. Edward was exactly the same. He loved to make everyone around him happy, anyway he felt possible. Singing to random strangers on the street, with his _beautiful_ musical, soft voice, giving his toys to sick, dying children instead of playing with them himself, it was just who he was. Kind, loving, always thinking of others before himself. They were born angels, and somewhere along the line their hearts turned black, not by their own doing. So the fact they were here, now on the verge of death was beyond fair! Neither of them deserved to be lying there, they both were wonderful people, tortured souls. I couldn't bare to loose either of them!

"You should all sit down!" Esme suggested, still holding Alice in her arms. Everyone sat, awaiting for Carlisle to speak.

"First off all Edward is stabilised. He's not awake yet, and it's still best for him not to have visitor's right now, but his condition is getting better" He said positively, but without a smile on his face. I sighed in relief, feeling my heart pounding with joy and worry all at the same time. Edward would be ok, but what of Rosalie?

"But...erm...Rosalie...well she is not doing so good. First of all I think I should mention the young girl was pregnant. She's suffered a terrible miscarriage through her excessive drug intake. It's sent her body into complete shock, and there is some internal bleeding" He sighed, giving me the feeling the worst was yet to come. Emmett looked distraught by the news, we all were. She was pregnant? If she did survive this she would forever have that in her mind, and I knew the poor girl had suffered enough. This would destroy her! "We have found traces of the drug GBL, known as Gamma Butyrolactone, in her blood system. It's a party drug, that in fact is legal, and therefore can be easily bought however it is _extremely_ dangerous! By the looks of things it seems she has been taking this for quite some time, and it's gotten to the point...it's gotten to the point where she is completely dependent on it. If she doesn't take this drug she will..._die_. The thing with GBL is the withdrawal symptoms are _so_ severe, that it could kill her not to take it. But to take it will kill her also, so it's a tricky situation. Were having to administer the drug to her just to keep her body strong enough to fight the miscarriage let alone have to fight the withdrawal aspects! _If_ we can somehow get her through this...miscarriage then we can tackle the problem with the drugs but it won't be easy, and...it's such a low chance that she will s-survive" He said bowing his head down in sadness. I felt my eyes well up with frozen tears. If the miscarriage didn't kill her the drugs would! It wasn't much hope and I couldn't stand to think of loosing her.

"W-w-what does this mean?" Emmett cried, so distraught with himself.

"It means she has a tough fight ahead of her, but I and the other doctor's will work _so_ hard to do the best we can! I promise you Emmett, I will try!" He encouraged, placing his hand on Emmett's shoulder. "But Emmett, you _have_ to start being honest with me! You really _need_ to get off these drugs, sooner than later because I cannot _bare_ to loose you! That young girl is dying in there, because of this _horrible_ lifestyle you lead! I almost lost a son today, because of the _horrible_ lifestyle you lead! I need you to accept you have a serious problem, and please, please accept help! Esme is a trained professional, I really would love it if you spoke to her. Please Emmett!" He begged him. Tears fell down Emmett's face as he nodded in agreement. And nothing more was said, except complete silence and heartbreak as the thought of loosing Rosalie hit us all. Even Jasper was distressed over it all, and I saw as he held Alice so lovingly in his arms, holding his lips to her forehead, and brushing her hair with his tender fingers. It was sweet, and I hated myself for ever treating him the way I did. I hated myself for the horrible, despicable things I had done, and I _really_ hated myself for almost killing the man I loved! I really did love Edward, more than words could ever say. He was the only person I felt I could be myself with. Whether or not that was healthy, I was still myself, I was real. My wall was down with him, and he sort of felt like the missing piece in my life. Finally a man I could trust, besides my father who I never let in!

After Carlisle had practically forced us all to leave the hospital, to go home and get some much needed rest, promising to call if anything changed for the worse or better, we all reluctantly left. Esme gave us all a lift home, dropping Jasper off first, then me. We were all silent in the car, nobody spoke, except to say goodbye to each other. Esme told Emmett he would stay with her for a few days since Carlisle would be working such long hours, and didn't want Emmett alone where he could muster and self-destruct. I glacially entered my home, completely zombiefied and feeling helpless and retched. My dad was sad purposefully at the breakfast bar, sipping at a cup of his regular coffee, and furrowing his brow. He did not look too pleased.

"Sit down Bella!" He ordered, with disdain in his voice.

"Dad" I groaned, feeling close to collapsing, and the last thing that Carlisle needed was another person to keep alive!

"SIT DOWN!" He screamed, making me jump out of my skin. I did as he said, not wanting to argue. "Where the hell have you been these past 3 days?" He asked, chewing at his teeth.

"At the hospital...Rosalie and Edwa..."

"Ah Edward!" He cut me off before I could finish. "Yes the Cullen boy! The one you were with when you all got arrested for having drugs in your system? The troublemaker whose been expelled more times than most people will in their entire lives! He's trouble Bella, and he's turning you into a complete monster!" He went on.

"He's not! It's not him dad, he hasn't done _anything_ wrong!" I yelled back, defending Edward to the ground. It was true, he wasn't the reason that I was the way I was.

"Then _why_ Bella? Why all this crazy, out of control behaviour? I thought after our last conversation you would finally start on the right track again, but then I find _THIS_ in your room!" He screamed, slamming a bag of cocaine down on the table.

"Dad..."

"NO more excuses Bella! I can't take any more of your lies! I don't even know what to believe any more, your not the person I thought you were" He accused, looking at me so ashamed. I suddenly felt a large black hole burning in the pit of my stomach. The very hole I thought I had covered up, and freezed over, to protect myself from feeling that retched pain. And then all of a sudden I burst into tears. "What is it Bella? What aren't you telling me?" He pried, looking awkwardly pained himself. He waited patiently as I tried to stop crying, and took in a deep breath. I looked into his tired, caring eyes and couldn't keep the truth from him any longer. I told him how I had been raped, and who it was, and how old I was and watched as his face began crumbling. It made me more upset to see him trying not to cry, and attempting to stay strong. I couldn't bare it, it was hard enough thinking about it myself, let alone telling him everything. After what seemed like a really long awkward silence he let out a elongated sigh and then spoke.

"Bella...why didn't you tell me this before?"

"Because dad, it was too hard! I couldn't even _accept_ what had happened to me, all I wanted to do was run away and forget it ever happened"

"And your mother knew about this?" He asked with disdain in his voice.

"Yes..." I answered reluctantly. A sudden flush of red flashed over his face. I could see the anger and hatred in his eyes.

"YOUR mother knew about this and she didn't tell me? What did she do, didn't she get you any help? Did she not talk to you about it? Help you through it?"

"No...she...erm" I stuttered.

"The guy what was his name again?"

"Phil"

"Phil...Phil" He repeated, trying to remember where he knew the name from. "Not our mechanic Phil? The guy who plays baseball down at the centre with all those kids?" I nodded. Yes it was that Phil! They very Phil that my mom was in love with for so many years.

"He was her first affair when I was six years old. It went on for about 5 years...then I turned 11 and-well..." I said looking down at the ground feeling ashamed.

"Carry on..." He encouraged, his voice breaking slightly.

"He just came into my room one night, when I was sleeping. I remember I was wearing my new shorts and vest top that grandma had bought me to sleep in. I pretended to be asleep and the next thing I knew he was climbing into bed with me. I thought I was dying, it was so painful, and I was crying and screaming hoping either you or mom would walk in. When mom came home she found me on the floor crying, blood everywhere, and him lying asleep in my bed...naked. She screamed at me, and screamed saying I had stolen her boyfriend off of her, and that it was my fault, I _lured_ him in somehow...I-erm" Tears were strolling down my cheek as I remembered that night so vividly, it made my insides hurt. "She threatened to tell everyone what a whore I was if I dared tell anybody and that she hated me so much, and wished I had never been born. She was so vile to me, she even made me think you hated me..." I burst into hysterics at this point, and my dad just sank his head into his hands, tearing up himself. "S-he finished with him then, and blamed me for it all, a-nd...she was just horrible. I hated myself so much. I _really_ hated myself! That weekend when you went away on business she kicked me out of the house late at night and said to find another bed to sleep in tonight. She even said I'd probably go find Phil and sleep with him again, that tore me up badly. It was Alice who found me. I was lying in a park somewhere, I must of sent her a funny text, or phone call I don't remember, because...I...er" I choked on my tears. "I stole a bottle of vodka from the cabinet, a-and took some medication I found and went to the park and...well that's when I must of messaged Alice, and next thing I knew she found me and took me to the hospital. I told her everything and made her swear she never told a soul. She was devastated and really wanted to say something to my mom but I begged her not too. And then we all started school and everything changed. I got a boyfriend, and thought I'd moved on from it all but I guess I was..."

"Running away" He answered for me, with understanding in his voice.

"I-I'm so sorry daddy!" I cried. He looked up at me with pained anger in his eyes.

"_Why_ are you sorry? This is _NOT_ your fault! It's you fucking mother that should be sorry!" He cursed. I'd never heard him swear before, but he was so furious now. I heard the front door close and I knew _she_ was back. "Go upstairs!" He ordered.

"But dad..."

"GO upstairs! Your mother and I need to talk!" He said harshly. He sighed then and raised the corner of his mouth slightly into an apologetic smile. "Go upstairs sweety! It'll be all right I promise" He said much more softly. I nodded, and reluctantly went upstairs, making sure I didn't look at my mother who looked like she'd been on a date. Instead of going into my room I sat on the top of the staircase to listen. I couldn't not, I needed to hear what was said. BIG mistake.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? SHE WAS 11 YEARS OLD RENEE! _11_ FOR FUCKS SAKE, AND YOU SIT HERE ACTING AS THOUGH SHE WAS SOME 40 YEAR OLD HOMEWRECKER! SHE'S _NOTHING_ LIKE YOU RENEE!" My dad screamed.

"DON'T YOU SCREAM AT ME CHARLIE! I WOULDN'T NEED TO SCREW OTHER MEN IF YOU WERE ACTUALLY ANYTHING LIKE A _REAL_ MAN BUT YOUR NOT! I CAN'T _STAND_ YOU!"

"AND THAT'S REASON ENOUGH TO LET OUR 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER GET _RAPED_ BY ONE OF YOUR MANY LOVERS, AND THEN TREAT HER LIKE..._CRAP!?_" I cringed.

"She was old enough to know _EXACTLY _what she was doing Charlie! Don't be fooled by that _little_ bitch! She's more cunning than she let's on! Drugs, promiscuous sex with _countless_ amounts of men, excessive drinking and partying and don't forget all the people she's screwed over in the process! You have no idea what she's capable of! And you sit here and blame me...she's more screwed up than you could _ever_ realise!" She scorned. I could feel the spiteful glare on her face.

"How can you say that Renee, she's your daughter!"

"She's a manipulative, _man-stealing_ bitch that's what she is!" She yelled, slamming her fist down. I couldn't stand to hear any more. I jumped up, grabbed my car keys and ran as fast as my feet could carry, slamming my car door and speeding off to Alice's. She was the only one who could comfort me right now. The only real friend I had, and I'd let her down worse than any one else.

**Alice**

Me and Esme sat down at the breakfast table, picking at an apple crumble she had made. It was late and neither of us could sleep. I was so afraid for Rosalie, and even more afraid of loosing her. Esme was too, and neither of us could think of two words to say to each other. Next thing I knew the doorbell rang.

"ALICE!" Bella cried, falling into my arms in floods of tears.

"OH MY GOD! OH NO! What's happened?" I cried back, thinking the worst had happened.

"M-m-my dad knows everything! He made me tell him and now...now he and my _mom_ are fighting!" She said. I sighed a little in relief that nothing bad had happened to Rosalie or Edward, but still felt sad for her. I took her into the kitchen where my mom was and sat her down, as she described the whole thing to us both. I already knew the majority of it, but Esme didn't know a thing, and she gasped in shock as tears strolled down her face.

"Oh Bella" Esme said, wrapping her arms around her and stroking her back. "And you've kept this to yourself for so long?"

"Yes. Well Alice knew but I begged her not to say anything. I just wanted to forget"

"Oh hunny, no one should go through that alone! I'm glad you've spoken out now though. It'll be ok, you'll be fine! Your such a strong girl Bella, and a _beautiful_ person!" Esme said.

"Yeah and we love you to pieces!" I added.

"Absolutely! I love you like you were my own daughter. You know you can talk to me about anything, and I won't judge. I'm here for you any time you want to talk, _any_ time!" Esme added. Bella looked up at us, with her wet, puffy face and raised a little smile.

"Thank you!" She whimpered.

"Your welcome. Would you like to stay here tonight? I'll get some pizza, and lots of sweets and chocolate and fizzy pop for you, I think you both need it after today!" Esme suggested.

"Oh that would be nice Esme thank you!" Bella said, seeming to brighten up. Esme smiled back, and left us alone.

"I'm so sorry Alice" Bella apologised.

"It's ok"

"It's not. I've treated you _horribly_! I don't know what got into me...I feel like the last 6 years of my life have been so unbelievably fake...it's like I wasn't even there!"

"That's because you weren't hunny. You got so caught up with running from your problems you just kind of lost yourself. But that's ok, your back now that's all that matters!" I said hugging her.

"Yeah...how could you stand to put up with me for so long?"

"Because you were family to me! How couldn't I? I knew one day you'd come to, and I just wanted you to know I was always there for you!"

"That's so sweet!" She said almost breaking into tears again. "Your amazing Alice! I don't deserve a friend like you!"

"Probably not!" I joked laughing a little. She laughed to. "But I'm here! Come on let's go and stuff our faces and watch yummy Robert Pattinson in his new film 'Remember me!'" I suggested, practically salivating over Robert!

"Ooo now I like the sound of that!" She enthused, as we went upstairs. "What about school though?" She asked, fidgeting a little.

"Don't worry about that! We'll cope...there's more of us now so we'll all stick together!"

"Yeah...I guess. Angela and Ben seem really nice" She smiled.

"Yeah they are! You'd really like them"

"Cool! And...well I'll _try_ to be nice to Jasper! It's just hard because...well I'm a little jealous"

"I know!" I smiled. "He's actually a nice guy, you'd both get along well. He's kind of had a really...shitty past too, I think if you both talked you'd realise you both had a lot in common" I said. She smiled and we went and sat down to watch the movie.

"It'll be all right you know!" I encouraged as the film began. And I knew she would be!


	17. Chapter 17

**(Author's warning: This chapter is very emotional so make sure you have tissues at hand! I apologise in advance...don't forget to review pretty please =) reviews make Edward wake up!)**

**Bella**

Two weeks had passed and a lot had changed. My mom left town, with one of her current lovers, as ordered by my dad. She didn't apologise or even say goodbye, but after talking to Esme I realised I didn't need her in my life, I had plenty of other wonderful people. Esme told me that even though she wasn't my mother she'd always be there for me like a mom, and if I ever needed anything to go to her any time, any place! She was amazing that way, I never thought someone who used to be a supermodel could have as much depth as Esme did. Most supermodels ended up working on some never-watched tv channel, hosting some game show or tacky talk show! Not Esme. I had changed, quite a lot, but I still knew I had things that needed working out. Edward was getting better, although he hadn't quite woken up yet. I sat by his side every day that I could, and when my dad wasn't _insisting_ on driving me to school I snuck of to sit with him. Carlisle didn't mind, although he was distracted with running between Edward and Rosalie. Rosalie had woken up but she was still very weak and ill. The internal bleeding had stopped, thank goodness, but she still had the problem with the drugs. We all kept hope though that they would both return to us in good health. Until then I remained beside Edward, holding his cold hand in mine, and praying every second he would wake up.

"Bella" Carlisle whispered. I woke up drowsy, stuck to the hospital leather chair, and aching all over. "Bella you should go home to sleep! It's 3 in the morning, your father's been on the phone" He continues, still whispering, and then turning to smile sadly at his son. "He's so peaceful when he sleeps isn't he?" He said, his face pained.

"Yeah" I agreed, looking as his serene, beautiful ill-pale face, lying still in cute white pyjamas. I had so much love for him that it tore me apart to see him so frail and drained. A tiny tear fell from my eye and into my hand.

"I'll call you if there's any change! You need some sleep, your looking a little pale yourself" Carlisle said smiling kindly at me.

"Ok" I said, looking over at Edward one last time, not wanting to leave him. As I stepped out of the room behind Carlisle something buzzed on the machine. We both darted over to his bedside. "OH MY GOD, WHAT IS IT, IS HE OK?" I yelled, panicking. Carlisle checked the machine, as I bent down to his face, tears of worry falling onto his bed, as I clutched at his cold, weak hand. Before Carlisle could speak, I felt Edwards hand twitch gently in mine, and his eyelids flicker ever so slightly. My heart started pounding, and I could feel the butterflies in my stomach.

"Edward?" I whispered, feeling so happy.

"He's stirring slightly, it could be just a reaction to the drugs" Carlisle said, not wanting to be too hopeful. But I couldn't stop myself. I squeezed his hand softly, praying he'd squeeze it back. I stood waiting, waiting for him to do something more and then as if by magic his hand tenderly squeezed mine back.

"OH" I squealed in joy. "He squeezed my hand back!" I said laughing and crying at the same time. Carlisle started to get excited too, running to the other side of him and taking his other hand in his.

"He squeezed mine too!" He exclaimed, laughing now. "Edward...Edward can you hear me?" Edward asked, as we watched Edwards face carefully. After a few seconds Edwards eyes began to pry open. He squeezed them a little in pain by the bright lights, and then they were fully open, his beautiful, emerald green eyes beaming up at us. I'd never noticed his eyes before, he always had them hidden behind sunglasses. They were beautiful! I never understood why he felt to hide them, they were his best feature.

"Hi Edward" I said smiling down at him. His face strained as he looked up at me confused and disorientated.

"B-ella" He croaked, his voice rough.

"Yes Edward, it's me" I said, gently stroking his hair and cheek with my free hand.

"I...I-" He struggled. "I'm s-orry"

"Shhh it's ok" I comforted, still stroking his face.

"Bella...I'm sorry I know you want more time with him, but you'll have to leave. I need to run some tests now he's woken up. I will call you as soon as he's ready for visitor's, I promise" Carlisle said smiling apologetically.

"But...I...he's just woken up"

"I know! But it could be dangerous if we don't run some tests. I do promise to call you. Just get some rest, it's going to be ok now!" He ensured. I nodded, and turned back to smile down at Edward.

"I'll see you soon" I promised, bending down and kissing his forehead gently. "Take care Edward". I turned and left, as the tears burned at my eyes. It was so hard for me to walk away from him, and it hurt so bad, especially now he was awake. I had so much I wanted to say to him, so much I wanted to do. But I had to be patient, and wait it out. It would be ok, just like Carlisle said. I had to believe that!

**Edward**

Everything was so dizzy and blurred. I felt really out of touch, a little like I did when I was on a come down from drugs, although this was much worse. My head felt like it was about to explode, my eyes were heavy and sore like they were on fire, my lips were hard as stone, and dry as the desert, and as for my body, I couldn't move a single muscle. It was like that feeling you get when you wake up in the morning but your whole body isn't awake yet, and you feel paralysed to the bed. Except this wasn't going away. I heard a small sound, like the sound of footsteps. I tried to turn my head to see who it was but my head wouldn't comply.

"It's ok Edward it's just me, your father" Carlisle said reassuringly. He hovered over my bed, and fiddled around with the drip. I felt this cold, tickling feeling in my left arm as he inserted some kind of drug into my veins. "You should be able to move in a minute, but just be careful. Try not to do to much, your body is still weak" He said stroking my head slightly.

"B-B-B..." I stuttered, trying to speak but it was proving too difficult.

"Shh stay calm for a minute! You have to let the anaesthetic wear off first" He said. I waited, feeling tingles throughout my body, as each muscle seemed to fill with blood. The feeling in my legs came round first, as I felt my feet and toes twitch. Then my hands and arms next, and lastly my face.

"Wh-ere's Bella?" I croaked not being able to hear or understand my own voice. It was far too high pitched and rough than usual.

"She's resting. Don't worry she's fine, she's been very worried about you" He said smiling, as he sat in the chair beside me.

"W-hat happened?"

"Don't you remember?" He asked. I searched my brain for images to put the puzzle together, but pieces were missing. I had a vague memory of my last fight with Bella, her screaming and punching me and then me yelling at her back and ending things with her. I swallowed hard when I thought about that. It hurt, a lot, because I didn't want to end things with Bella, I really...cared about her. After that though everything went blurred.

"I remember leaving my house, and then after that I can't remember anything. Was Bella hurt?" I asked starting to panic.

"No, no! Bella wasn't hurt! Just you...and...well never mind about that right now. You were in an accident Edward. A car accident. Luckily the car was driving at a speed lower than he should off otherwise you could have been...it doesn't bare thinking about! Any how your all right now, thank goodness!" He mused.

"I was run over?" I asked, confused.

"Yes..." He seemed to look at me like he wanted to ask me something but didn't quite know whether he should or could.

"What?" I asked, pushing him to ask. He thought for a second before he spoke, grimacing and fidgeting slightly.

"Well...what were you doing in the middle of the road Edward? You know it's not safe to mess around on the roads! I just don't understand what you were thinking?" He asked, frowning in confusion and slight anger.

"I don't know dad! I don't remember. I think I was running away from...from Bella" I bemused, feeling so angry with myself for doing that. Bella deserved better than that. Better than me! He went to say something but stopped himself, fidgeting again.

"It's ok, I'm sorry I shouted! Just...well you had me so scared! I couldn't bare loosing you Edward, it would destroy me. We have to sort this..." He stopped in his tracks, looking close to tears, before he turned his face to mine and half smiled sadly. "We'll talk about that when your a lot better!" He said, still smiling. There was a few minutes awkward silence before I spoke.

"So...Bella was here?" I asked sitting myself up a little.

"Yes. Everyday. She never left your side. We literally had to drag her out of the hospital kicking and screaming!" He half joked. "She really cares about you Edward. Very much so, I can see that. Do you feel the same way?" He asked, seeming to be being protective over her.

"Yes...she...I...erm. Well I love her" I answered honestly. And as I said the words 'I love her' out loud something ticked in my stomach. I did really love her, in spite of everything that had happened, I was the one blaming myself for it all. As messed up as our relationship was, it was the only good thing I had in my life that kept me going. She was crazy, wild, free spirited and kept you on your toes to the point you never knew what was going to happen next, and it was so much fun! Unhealthy maybe, but I'd take that all the same! I never wanted to loose her, and all this happening had only made that more poignant! Somehow it had to work out...right?

**Alice**

Why did this have to happen? WHY! It was going ok, things were going ok...and then...just like that..._they_ died! We all thought everything was looking up, as both of them started to recover well. Bella and Edward had a touching moment together, when they were finally re-united. Nothing heavy was discussed, not until he was fully recovered, but they kissed, ever so slightly, we all believed they would work things out well. WRONG. Emmett and Rosalie had more of a sad moment together...

"Emmett" Rosalie murmured.

"I'm here baby don't worry!" He said back, kissing her forehead and stroking her hand in circular movements.

"Emmett...what happened?" She asked him, icy tears in her eyes.

"You...erm...you had a bad reaction to some drugs sweety!" He lied, we all understood why. It was bad enough she was still in a bad state, but to hear that she'd lost a baby she never knew she had...well that was just too much. Emmett had tears in his eyes, as he tried to keep them forced back. "I'm so glad your ok now baby. Things are going to be all right from now on, I promise! I'll _never_ fuck your life up again" He said, with a pained smile on his face.

"What are you talking about? You didn't fuck my life up" She said, upset and confused.

"I did. I should _never_ of let you take..._that_...drug in the first place! This would never of happened if I wasn't such a...fuck up!" He said, angry with himself. Rosalie reached out her delicate, trembling had and cupped his face gently.

"Baby boy" She started with such a loving, soft tone to her voice. "Your not a fuck up. Your such an amazing guy that you can't even see it. You've changed my life...for the better! You don't know how miserable my life was before, how useless and pathetic it was. Running around and sleeping with pricks who just saw me as a piece of ass, just so I could feel something. Mindlessly taking drugs, ruining people's lives for pleasure, not ever seeing the true extent of what I was doing, not only to myself but others around me! If any ones to blame here Emmett it's me! I've really ruined things haven't I?" She cried.

"NO, not at all!" Emmett said, leaning in to brush her lips with his. They looked different together...somehow angelic. She was like the old Rosalie again, the one who could do not wrong and always thought of others before herself. I felt hope that this was all for the best and we could all move on with our lives, finally happy and content. Everything falling into place, after so many years of hell and torture. I couldn't of been more wrong!

**Jasper**

I held her frail, shaking body in mine, comforting her falling tears. Alice was distraught, clutching her nails into my body, as she held onto me with so much force and power I wanted to cry for her. This had all been fine just a week ago. Rosalie was discharged from the hospital, and had been taken into Carlisle's home to be constantly cared for. Carlisle, on the insistence from Emmett, had made up the guest room with all the necessary medications and hospital equipment that might be needed. He's paid for a private nurse to come in when he had to work at the hospital, as Rosalie needed constant around the clock care to get her off the GBL.

"Coming off GBL is just as dangerous as taking it..." He informed us all. "She will need to be monitored constantly, to help her through it. It will be tricky, but there is some hope she will make it through, all though she'll be permanently weak at the heart, as a result of this drug combined with the other drugs she is addicted to. You must know that during this time she might start to have what is commonly known as psychosis, however it is only a result of the withdrawal symptoms. This means there's a huge possibility she'll suffer from _extreme _anxiety, sleeplessness, confusion, auditory and visual hallucinations, delirium, nausea, vomiting and constant shakiness. This is to be treated a little how you would treat psychosis, through stabilising the symptoms of anxiety and psychotic symptoms, and once this is done recovery _should_ prove promising! It's going to be difficult, but there is hope...I must tell you though she won't ever be able to have children. The miscarriage has completely damaged her chances of conceiving in the future, it was the only way we could stop the internal bleeding to stop her chances. I'm so sorry Emmett" He said, as Emmett seemed to break down into tears. "I'll do everything I can to make sure she recovers from this now, and in the mean time you need to make sure you look after yourselves. No on should blame themselves, she chose to take these drugs herself, it's nobodies fault! This drug should be illegal but it isn't!" He said seeming angry now. I wanted to scream! How could this drug _not_ be illegal? It was worse than any other class A drug I had ever heard off, and you could easily, and cheaply get this drug off the net. Yet looking at the pale, frail, withered body of what once was a beautiful young girl, it clearly destroyed everything it touched. It was wrong! And I knew I had to do something about it, to make sure this didn't happen to another young person _ever_ again!

The following Tuesday luck _seemed_ to be on our side.

"Good news!" Carlisle beamed. "Edward is well enough to be discharged today! So he'll be coming back home with me later this evening if you would all like to come over. I'm sure he'd appreciate the company, he seems to be back to life again" He said happily.

"Oh that's wonderful news!" Alice exclaimed, hugging a very excited Bella.

"Emmett's already at home with Rosalie, so would you mind calling him to let him know, I'm not sure I have time. I have two babies to deliver in the next hour" He smiled, seeming his usual happy-go-lucky self.

"Of course Carlisle. Th-ank you so much" Bella cried in happiness, pulling Carlisle into a bear hug, and crying tears of joy. Alice jumped into my arms also happy, and I just wanted to yell "THANK THE LORD" at the top of my lungs. It was great news. We all made our way to Carlisle's home, ready to welcome Edward back into his normal bed.

"Thank fuck for that!" He exclaimed as he climbed out of his temporary wheel chair into his own bed. "I was getting fucking bed sores in that piece of crap, hardwood bed! No wonder people hate hospitals!" He said almost laughing. We laughed with him as me, Alice and Carlisle left Bella and Edward alone. We were all ecstatic with hope and happiness. Too bad it wouldn't last very long!

Emmett sat beside Rosalie holding her hand as she smiled sweetly into his eyes, seeming to have some colour back in her face.

"Do you even know how much I love you?" She said to him brushing his cheek gently with her fingers.

"It can't be as much as I love you" He said back, placing his forehead on hers to be closer to her.

"Your such an amazing person Emmett, I wish you could see that! You have s-so much to offer the world, amazing resources. More than I've _ever_ had. I can see it in you. You just have to realise...please for me?" She begged. Something sounded wrong in her voice as she spoke. I could feel something wasn't right.

"Of course! I'd do anything for you Rosalie, you know that! I want to spend the rest of my life with you...your everything that's good in my life!"

"And you to me! I'd love to spend my whole life with you. I really would. But that shouldn't stop you from going for the things I could only dream to have! You can do it Emmett, _without_ me!" She said.

"What do you mean?" Emmett asked confused, as he pulled back to look at her face. She smiled at him more now.

"It's time Emmett. It's my time to go...I can feel it. Don't be afraid, you've made the last few months of my life mean something to me! You've helped me in ways you'll never realised, whether or not we were doing the right things or not...it doesn't matter! I've never been happier in my _entire_ life than I am when I'm with you! I feel like you brought me back to life, and I hope...boy I hope I can do the same for you! P-promise me Emmett...promise me you'll get yourself better! Promise you'll build yourself a life...please" She begged him.

"Rosalie, don't talk like that! You are my life, you'll _always _be here" He cried. Her voice started to deteriorate as she spoke, cracking in places and causing her to cough and choke a little.

"P-please Emmett! P...Prom-ise me!" She coughed, grabbing his hand. He was silent for a few seconds before speaking, gathering his thoughts, as he gazed down at her confused as to what she was saying. I could feel something bad about to happen.

"I promise Rosalie but please...you'll be ok, you'll b..." Before he could finish talking, Rosalie's happy smile faded as the machine started beeping crazily. Her breath stopped, and her eyes fluttered closed, forcing her smile to fade into nothing.

"Rosalie!" Emmett cried, tears in his eyes. "ROSALIE!" He yelled standing up and trying to shake her. It all happened so fast. Alice screamed, falling into my arms, Carlisle came running into the room moving a distraught Emmett out of the way. Bella came running out of Edward's room, panicked at the sounds she could here, and screaming when she saw Carlisle doing CPR. We all stood, watching, waiting for the machine to start beeping again. Waiting for her heart beat to start. But as time passed it didn't, and a dark cloud filled over us. The truth hadn't hit us yet, until Carlisle exited the room, where Emmett was crying hysterically on the floor, bashing his fist against the ground. Carlisle's face was pained and saddened as her looked up to us and spoke the very words we did _not_ want to hear.

"Rosalie is dead" He murmured, a mere whisper we all chose not to hear.


	18. Chapter 18

**(Author's note: Sorry this took so long I had swine flu so couldn't write :( but it's here =) I apologise someone had to die in the story, please don't be too mad, it's nessesary to the plot! Enjoy this one, you may need some tissues it is a little sad xx don't forget to review!)**

**Bella**

It was a black day. Rosalie's funeral. No body spoke one word to each other, as we stood, looking down at the coffin, as it lowered into the ground. Only the sound of tears, and the vicar's words could be heard now, as each person went to throw dirt into the grave. I felt my heart crack in two as I softly dropped what looked like sparkling dust onto her coffin. I mouthed 'Good bye Rosalie' as I walked away clutching at my stomach. Edward was right behind me with his crutches, trying to place his hand on my back in comfort but I pushed him off. I needed to be alone, or at least with Alice. I couldn't deal with Edward right now, it was far too hard. He seemed a little hurt, and lost with what to do as I walked away tears strolling down my face. I made my way over to a nearby hidden cove, by Forks lake. It was private and away from everybody which was just what I needed. As I sat looking at the water ripple and float I remembered the first time I came here. Me, Alice and Rosalie were all 9 years old, and it was the summer holidays. We rode our little pink bikes all the way here, bringing home-made sloppy sandwich's which Alice had attempted to make but they just tasted like gooey, sour water! But we had the best time, throwing stones into the water, climbing trees, playing adventure games and talking about what we were all going to be when we were older. I said I'd end up being some famous celebrities assistant, fetching them their towel and drinks and being showered with gifts by them. Alice said she'd be a famous fashion designer or stylist to the stars, and dreamed of one day having her own line, and catwalk show. She always did have an eye for fashion. Everything she wore looked straight of the runway, perfectly accessorised and everything. Nor I or Rosalie could ever match her style, even though my dad owned two designer stores, she would out-do us all the time no matter what, which is kind of why I started controlling what we all wore so I would stay distinct. How nasty was I to deny her of the thing that made Alice unique and well lets face it...Alice! Rosalie said she wanted to be a hero. That was all...just a hero.

"I don't care if I live on the street" She said. "Or if I'm poor and alone, I just want to be a hero for other people out there, like a superhero. Like my power would be the pain stopper or something! I would stop pain for others, and make them happy all the time" She smiled as she thought about this future as this mythical creature she knew she could never become, but it didn't hurt to dream that a perfect world like that could exist. At the time me and Alice thought she had lost it or something, but now it all made sense. Now that we weren't so stuck in our little self-obsessed brains! It was my fault Rosalie turned out the way she did. After _that_ summer I turned into the most despicable person anyone had ever met. My heart was stone cold, and even Alice felt the sharp pains of my wrath. Rosalie was having a tough time with her current foster family.

"Your so selfish!" I said to her when she mentioned they had told her she was only their 'daughter' for the convenience of money. "Like utterly selfish, thinking of only yourself! People here have actual _worse_ problems than you so get the fuck over it and bitch up or bitch out!" I screamed in her face, making her feel like the lowest creepy crawly on the bottom of my shoe. Alice tried to stick up for her but after I slapped her and told her she could either be on my side or get the hell out she shut up and put up. What was worse was that after that family Rosalie soon moved to another foster home, with the most wonderful, loving parents any kid would dream off. They adored and worshipped her like she their own, and she now had her own sisters and brothers who loved her to. She came into school so, so happy, saying her life had changed for the good and she finally felt hope that things would be ok. I couldn't _stand_ anyone else being happy, especially when my family was so screwed up so I did the worst thing I could. I started doing vindictive stuff to the siblings, like getting Mike to date rape one of the youngest sisters, and planting drugs in the son's bag, making it all look like Rosalie's fault. Then I'd go to Rosalie and say that "Their only making it up to hurt you, and make you feel like a bad person. It's a game Rosalie, their torturing you! You know we are the only ones that will _ever_ love you!" And then I made damn sure I planted drugs all over Rosalie, and even tried to screw up her work at school so that her foster parents got to the point they couldn't handle this bad behaviour and sent her back to the home.

As I sat looking out at the lake a sharp pain pierced through my stomach, burning yet another black hole. There was no denying how evil and manipulative and _VINDICTIVE_ I was! Only thinking of myself, and only myself and taking everybody I loved down with me. Alice, who had lost all her self respect for herself, and even lost herself for a time, as I forced her to be a person she just wasn't out of guilt. Rosalie who was beginning to _finally_ have a decent life for herself, until I screwed it up just because of pure envy, and now after she had gone down such a destructive path she was dead! Charlie who hadn't smiled in years, because of my despicable behaviour towards him, and lack of respect as he tossed and turned for years wondering what he could do and trying his best but I just pushed him away and lied to him. I made him give up his beloved career in the force when he was 'chief swan' just so we could own designer stores to give me somewhat of a credit at school! Jasper who I'd hated for taking my Alice away from me when I believed I needed her more, because I was selfish, so I went and told the whole school stuff that was private and hurtful, just to spite him! I had been so horrible to him, it was a wonder he still could stand to speak to me after it all! And then...Edward. Edward who I loved, but had hurt more than anyone. I almost _killed_ him because of my selfish, cruel, self-centred shit, beating him like he was some kind of punch bag, and encouraging him to be this hateful, heartless person that I was, indulging in an unhealthy relationship. So why...after all this WHY was Rosalie dead and not me? Why a good person who had hope, who actually was _nice_ and kind and loving, why her? Even if I did change now, I had caused so much damage that not even I could forgive myself for. I knew now there was no way I could be with Edward, after all I'd done I couldn't destroy his life any more. He needed someone better. Someone who wasn't evil. Someone like...Rosalie was.

**Edward**

She was mad at me, I could tell. I'd blew it with her, I just knew I had! What a stupid prick I am, fucking up everything that's good in my life! She couldn't even stand to look at me any more, let alone talk to me. I abandoned everyone at the funeral and went to the meadow where me and Bella had used to spend our days getting high with Emmett and Rosalie. It seemed different somehow now though...derelict almost! Emmett hadn't come to the funeral on personal request from Carlisle. He had just stumbled into a world wind of depression and destruction, slashing his arms and legs to pieces with broken shaving blades, and shaving all his hair off just for no other reason but to rid of his best asset. He didn't speak one word to anyone after Rosalie died, and hadn't even looked into anyone's eyes. It reminded me of how Emmett used to be right after mom died. Nobody but me knew he had started self harming and abusing himself in any way possible. He only spoke to me, I was the only one he trusted and let in, but this time was different...this time he chose to be alone and miserable. Seeing Emmett loose Rosalie only strengthened my love for Bella, as I thought of what I'd do and be if I ever lost her. I don't think I could live a day without her, she was like my oxygen even through the bad times, I desperately couldn't go a day without knowing she was still alive.

I must of drifted off thinking about Emmett and what a happy child he used to be when I woke to being shaken by a shadowy figure. The air had turned cold and icy, and every muscle in my body began to ache. I sat up to face a teary Bella, looking painfully into my eyes. I smiled at her, as softly and lovingly as I could muster and reached our my hand to take her face and kiss her sweet, soft lips with mine but she pushed me away, and turned her face to the ground.

"Don't do that" She pleaded, with such a low volume to her voice, she sounded almost lifeless.

"Why?" I asked, a little angry and hurt by her rejection. I didn't like being rejected much, so I reached out both my arms and forcefully pulled her onto my lap, dispite her best efforts to push me away.

"Just get _off_ me will you!" She scorned, hitting my chest with her bare hand and managing to scramble to her feet. "DON'T touch me!" She screamed. I smiled, a sinister smile, as I recognised that look in her eyes and face and thanked god she hadn't changed. She was still the same Bella, she still loved me, and this is what we did before we made up and everything is ok. I stood to face her, still grinning and closed my eyes awaiting my battering, praying it didn't last long because I had gone without sex for so long and she just looked so damn, fucking hot in that black dress I wanted it ripped and shredded from her body! "What are you doing?" She asked furrowing her brow at me with a puzzled and odd expression. Hm, I thought, maybe I was wrong?

"What do you mean maybe you were wrong?" She asked again, seeming to take a step back like she was scared. I shook my head confused. Had I said those words out loud?

"Erm..." I started, trying to find the words. She just continued to stare, weirded out by my odd behaviour, waiting for me to explain myself.

"I er...just thought maybe...you know...this was like...our other arguments....before we er...you know" I winked at her. She pulled her face up in disgust and outrage as her face turned red as a tomato.

"Is that all you fucking care about? Getting fucking laid? FOR FUCKS SAKE Edward, Rosalie is _dead_ and your just thinking about your cock! Use your fucking hands, that's not why I'm here" She screamed turning away from me like she couldn't stand to look at me.

"Then why the fuck are you here?" I asked angrily, sort of wishing I hadn't said it so harshly but not being able to stop myself.

"To talk" She said still not turning to look at me.

"About..." I pushed, making little circular movements in utter frustration.

"You were right" Was all she said, her tone now more deflated and monotone.

"What do you mean?"

"You were right...before...when you said we weren't right for each other! Were not! Our relationship is...well I don't even think there's a word for it! I didn't want to believe it when you said, but seeing Rosalie like that...seeing _you_ like you were...I just knew I have to stop this before one of us actually dies!" She said painfully. I felt my heart twisting and clenching as she spoke the words. I was only blagging before, I never meant a word of it yet she was choosing to believe what I had said was right, and I could _not_ let this happen! She couldn't leave me...I couldn't cope! I grabbed her arm and spun her round to face me. She tried to avoid my gaze as I forced her face to mine, tears strolling down her cheeks.

"Nooo, no Bella!" I said softly leaning my forehead against hers. "I was wrong before! I lied, we are good for each other Bella. Bella I can't live without you, you mean everything to me, I...love you! I'm sorry I hurt you last time when you said you loved me and I pushed you away, I was a jerk. Please forgive me Bella I've been a dickhead to you, please, please forgive me" I begged kissing every free part of her skin on her hands, neck, chin and attempting to kiss her lips. She pushed me back, fighting against the urge to kiss me as she pryed her pained eyes open.

"NO Edward! Don't you _dare_ apologise, that's not it, that's not it at all! What the fuck have you got to be sorry for? What the _fuck_ have I got to forgive you for? It's you that should...not should...it's me that _has_ to be forgiven...if you want to, but you _shouldn't_! I'm the one who almost got you fucking _killed_ Edward! I'm the one that's responsible for Rosalie's death! Had I not been such a selfish, evil little fucking bitch this whole time, _she_ would have had the perfect fucking life and I went and shot that to hell didn't I? Then I bring you down to my filthy, _disgusting_, diabolical level, trying to make you a monster like I am, and ruining your fucking life just for my own sick, twisted pleasure! Physically hurting you and then almost killing you...Edward I'm a monster! How can you love a monster? How can you not see that it's _my_ fault, that I cause destruction every where I go? I can't allow this..._relationship_ to carry on any longer. I can't bring you down any more, you need to be with someone who will treat you right, the way you deserve, and care for you the way that their supposed to! Not beat you to a pulp because you piss her off a little for no fucking reason, and then jump you and practically rape you!"

"WHAT the hell are you talking about? You never _raped_ me! Fucking hell Bella I'm not that _week_ and breakable, if I didn't want to have sex with you do you think I would of just lay there? Do you think I wouldn't of just put you through a wall if I didn't fucking love the bones off you? I wanted to have sex with you, I fucking loved it Bella, it's amazing, and I'd take all that other shit, the hitting the fights because I love you, and always fucking will no matter what you do or say! And you did _not_ almost kill me, that fucking jackass in the car almost did...no sorry that would be me that was in the wrong there! I shouldn't of been in the fucking road in the first place, I knew better than that! Bella stop blaming yourself for everything, your not a monster!" I said leaning in to try and kiss her lips again. This time she pushed me so hard I fell back to the ground.

"STOP IT Edward! Stop trying to kiss me, it's _not_ going to work! Look it doesn't matter what you say, whether I am a monster or not, or whose to blame or whatever! Aside that shit were not right...in the head! I mean for fucks sake we thrive of getting high on drugs, beating each other up and then fucking like rabbits! We barely spend any time doing anything else, we just don't live life normally! It's like our whole fucking relationship is based on some kind of...drug addiction...were addicted to each other, were addicted to this way of being together, it's like some fucked up 'drug' routine! We both need to sort our shit out before we can even _think_ of having a relationship with anyone let alone each other! I'm sorry Edward, but you were right before. This can't work right now!" She said turning to leave. I jumped at her feet and clutched at her legs begging her not to leave.

"Bella please! Please we can sort this out, we can make it work! We'll help each other...maybe your right maybe things are wrong but I want to work them right, I can't be without you Bella I just can't!" I cried, my eyes feeling wet and pained. It occurred to me then that I hadn't felt tears in my eyes for a very long time, since after my mom died. Nothing ever upset me to that point, I bottled everything up but suddenly here with Bella now, as I realised I could lose her forever, I couldn't stop the tears. She looked down at me, her face squinted and pained as much as mine, and cold, frozen tears in her eyes and she slowly shook her head and pushed me off. She mouthed 'I'm sorry' and then ran off, covering her mouth with her hand and she plummeted away from me so fast, I couldn't tell myself to start moving after her fast enough! She was gone. And I was alone, clutching at the floor with my bare hands. As I fell to the floor and lay still and lifeless, I prayed I never had to move, and that I could just die right here and now. The pain was too piercing and blinding, it consumed me as if I were drowning in it. As my eyes closed, allowing the cold to fill through my body, freezing me in place, I mouthed the words 'I love you' and then went to sleep, praying I never again awoke.

**Bella**

Looking at his torn, distraught face really ripped my heart out and threw it to the wolves. I wanted to just say "Yes Edward, yes we'll try! Of course we will, as long as were together" and jump into his arms and kiss and make love to him until we had to sleep, safe in each others embrace! But I couldn't...as much as I wanted to it was wrong. As I ran as fast as my clumsy feet could carry me, tripping constantly over the vines, roots, rocks and plants I felt a hardened, sharp, piercing arrow shoot right through my heart at the knowledge that I knew I had done the right thing, but it was the hardest thing I'd ever done or probably ever would do in my life. I said no to the addiction. I pushed my fix away. And in time Edward would see this was a good thing, that maybe now we could piece our lives back together _separately_.And then...if he wanted me still...maybe then we could be together. _Maybe_.

"Hi dad!" I called as I entered the house, taking a deep breath and ridding off the evidence of my tears. Charlie was sat at the breakfast table again, pretending to read the newspaper I knew he'd already read 5 times, and it was upside down any way!

"Hey Bella" He said, seeming to be searching for the right words to say what he wanted to say.

"It's all right dad...I broke it off with _him_" I said, wincing at the thought of saying _his_ name out loud. Charlie looked up now, studying my expression with his blank one.

"Are you ok?" He asked.

"No...but...it's for the best" I said looking at my fingers as they fiddled around with the empty salt pot.

"Yes...it will make sense in the end!" He said, shifting uncomfortably as he put the paper down, and folded his hands like he did when he was ready for a 'business' like talk. "Listen Bells...I've sold the business" I looked up at him.

"What?"

"I sold the business. The shops I mean. I never really had any interest in running two businesses Bells, especially fashion businesses...I only took it up under the constant _nagging_ from your mother...and you know how I feel about fashion B...the same way you do about overalls" He said with a small teasing smile on his face. I grimaced, shivering at the word 'overalls'. They really were just..._awful_! "I think it's time we...you put that side of your life behind you. All the clothes, the lifestyle, all of it I mean look at us Bella? Look at the destruction it's caused! It's only helped you carry on running this whole time...and turned you into this..._person_ that your not. I can't let that happen any longer, I care about you too damned much to see you continue to ruin who you are! I know your mad now, but you'll see...it's for the best" He said, with a pleading look on his face, as though he were begging me not to scream and argue with him because he was just too exhausted. But I wasn't mad. It was funny because it felt as though I should be furious, but I just didn't care any more. I didn't have any energy left inside of me to walk around acting like I was before any longer, not now Rosalie was gone and everybody was in turmoil. Even the girls at school, Jane, Leah and Tasha who had now taken their places as the new 'bitches' didn't give a shit about Rosalie. They called her a 'slag who deserved what she got', which I was furious over, and it made me disgusted that I could of ever been one of them.

"I'm not mad dad" I said, looking up at his wary expression. "Not at all. I think your right. All of..._this_ is just a mask!" He seemed taken a back by my words.

"Really bells? Your not furious?"

"No! Your right dad, you always are!" I smiled. There was an awkward silence before he spoke.

"I hope this isn't your way of trying to fool me into not getting you some help. I have to stand strong this time Bells, you need guidance and more help than I could give you, professional help! You can't say every things going to be ok any more...you have to start dealing with this"

"I know dad! And your right, I can't pretend everything will get better if I just sit and wait around. I'm definitely not fooling you dad, I want to get help...I really do!" I went on, as he still looked at me with a puzzled expression, like it wasn't me that was speaking the words but somebody he didn't know! I looked down to the ground, knowing even though this killed me to say, and I would probably regret it, it was the right thing to do. "I think...I think I want to go to rehab".


	19. Chapter 19

**(Author's warning: There are lots of lemons in this chapter, it is hugely lemony lol so enjoy :) Don't forget to review, reviews make Alice and Jasper make love ;))**

**Alice**

Since the funeral last week I hadn't spent a single day not sat by her grave stone. No one else besides me, Bella and Esme had come to visit, and that upset me a little. Rosalie deserved more than that...especially from that blasted _family_ of hers who hadn't even bothered to show at the funeral! The graveyard was empty today, and felt very derelict. It was spitting rain, and the sky was grey and dull, just like how I felt. Loosing Rosalie really had hit us all hard. How could we of gone on for so long the way we were? Why did it take us this long to realise what we were doing to ourselves? To the point someone so lovely had to die to make us all see the true destruction we had all caused! It just didn't make any sense, nothing did any more. I lay back on the wet grass, spreading my hand and arm over her grave, and staring up at the dark clouds. I remembered the first day I met Rosalie, when we were 7 years old, and my mother brought her back to our house to play with me. She was a quiet, shy little thing, really timid but adorably cute and smiley. We mostly just walked our barbie's around the floor in silence, pretending they were on some shopping trip and then I asked her if she wanted to play the cloud game outside. She nodded, a sweet little nod and we went into our garden, over to the bit I used to think of as the secret garden, because it was round and completely covered with wild bushes and trees.

"What do we do?" She asked, her voice barely a whisper.

"You look up at the sky and pick out a cloud and stare at it for ages. And you say whatever shapes they are, and watch as they change counting how many different shapes are made and saying what they are. It's really fun, you can see rabbits and dogs sometimes! Mommy says it's because it's people and pet's and angel's in heaven sending us messages, and saying hello" I smiled at her as she smiled back. We lay top to toe staring at the clouds for ages, and making up funny little stories about the shapes of animals we saw.

"You see that angel! She's smiling at you Rosalie!" I said pointing. Rosalie made a little laughing sound. Then when Rosalie had to leave she leaped into my arms and hugged me and said "Thank you Alice. Your my best friend" And she smiled, skipping off. It was only later I found out that Rosalie had recently been beaten by her mother and told no one loved or liked her. Esme told me she thought I brought something in her back to life, making her see people did actually like her and want to be friends with her. I cried thinking about it. Rosalie had, had one of the worst lives of us all, because she didn't have a single family person who cared about her. We were her only family, and some good we did her!

I must have fallen asleep laying on the grave because by the time I was woken up the sky had gone black, and I was wet through.

"Where have you been?!" Jasper screamed, with such panic on his face. He looked wet to, and was out of breath. "I have been looking all over for you, you had me so worried! And your soaking! Oh my gosh Alice, your going to get pneumonia!" He stressed, placing his arms around me and scooping me up into them without much trouble. I was far too delirious and tired to speak so I lay in his arms as he carried me home and put me gently on the sofa.

"Where's my mom?" I asked when I finally had come round, rubbing my eyes as I watched him dart around my living room, pulling out blankets and towels where he could find them.

"She's at Carlisle's house...erm..." He said, a little suspiciously.

"What's going on? Has something happened to Edward?" I asked. He avoided my gaze.

"No...not Edward"

"Emmett?" I pushed, but he didn't answer, as he started frantically drying my hair with the towel. "Jasper tell me what's going on!" I insisted, pulling him down to face me as he sighed.

"Emmett's not doing to good! He's erm...well they've taken him to hospital..." My heart stopped at the word 'hospital'. That word, that place...it was bad! I immediately thought something terrible had happened to Emmett, and that now he was dead or would be, and we would be visiting his grave on top of Rosalie's too! "Don't panic! It's not what you think...well it is kind off..." He stuttered. "Emmett's in...he's in _Dawn_ hospital"

"Dawn hospital?" I asked, feeling slightly relieved until I realised what hospital he was actually in. "You mean the..._mental_ hospital? On moon street?"

"Yeah...that's the one"

"But...what...how?"

"It doesn't matter right now Al...here we need to get you changed out of those wet clothes. Can you make it upstairs?" He asked kneeling down beside me as I sat up on the sofa.

"Yes I think I'll be ok" I said standing up. He took hold of my hand and led me up the stairs, and I suddenly got a familiar feeling, the same one I had before I got _that_ dreadful phone call informing me my best friend and my other best friends boyfriend were in hospital. Was it wrong of me to be thinking this way whilst Emmett was in a mess, and Rosalie had only been a weak in the ground? He closed my bedroom door behind us, and pulled a dry top from my drawer. The room was sort of darkened, as the golden curtains hadn't been opened, and reflected a dim, golden brown light around the room. I watched him carefully, feeling all tingly and warm as he walked over to me, his body very close to mine that I could feel the heat radiating from his chest into mine. He smiled tenderly into my eyes, as he softly fiddled with the bottom of my top and gently lifted it over my head, trailing his fingers back down my body, making me shiver slightly.

"You look kind of beautiful...wet" He said, grinning shyly to himself.

"You too" I said reaching my hand out to stroke his floppy, wet blonde hair. He hands were left hovering over my bare stomach as we stood looking into each others eyes. My breathing began to quicken, as did his. I could feel his warm breath on my face, inch's away from my lips as they parted slightly beyond my control. His breath smelt and tasted honey like, and it made me desperately want to push my lips against his. I felt his fingers slide up my stomach, over my black, lacy bra, around my back and down my spine, as he rested his forehead against mine.

"Is it wrong for me to want you right now?" He asked grinning. I literally felt my knees shake as a tiny moan exited my mouth.

"No" I said weakly, sliding my hands into his hair and gripping at it. As I slowly pushed my mouth up to his slightly, his hands hurriedly found my hair and pushed our lips together. Our breathing started to get faster and harder, as we both moaned into each others mouth. He pushed me up against my door, moving his lips down my throat and around my collar bone, so fast I felt my body contracting as I wrapped my legs around his waist. Next thing I knew he spun me around and pushed us onto the bed, sliding his hand up my in thigh and resting it over the crotch of my jeans. I moaned in to his mouth and whispered "that feels nice", and he pulled back slightly to look into my eyes.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked, stroking my face with his other hand.

"Yes, I do!" I smiled pushing my lips back onto his as he began to undo my buttons and tenderly slipped his hand to rub over my panties. If I didn't know any better I'd say he was a pro at this, as his hand rubbed faster and faster and harder and harder, and I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head. "U-AH yeah!" I moaned, as the sensation filled my body like I'd just been pumped full of tingly juice. He continued to kiss my neck as I grabbed his hair and pulled at his shirt. "I want you inside me" I whispered into his hair, making him moan into my neck, and as I slid my hand down to his pants I could feel he'd gone hard. I unbuttoned his pants and slid my hand to rub over his cock, gripping and yanking at it as he moaned and rubbed my clit harder and faster.

"O-ah Alice!" He groaned, passionately kissing my lips again with his. "I love you!" He said, and I pushed him back, so that we were both sitting with me on his lap. He looked at me confused for a second, and we both removed our hands. He did love me. And I loved him. And this wasn't right, we were being to animalistic about this, when we really didn't need to.

"Are you ok did I do...say something wrong?" He asked really concerned now. I shook my head and smiled lovingly into his eyes.

"No...not at all! I love you too Jasper..."

"Then...why did you stop? Do you not want to?"

"Yes...I do. But..." I stuttered trying to find the words.

"But?"

"I want you to make love to me!" I said. He seemed to swallow hard, and I could feel his heart pounding as I gently placed my hand over his chest. And that was it, he leaned in and kissed me more slow and tender, crushing his tongue into mine. Everything went more slowly, and was far gentler, it felt almost more of a rush than before, as I could feel every soft, gentle touch of his bare hands against my skin. I pulled off his shirt, and gently caressed his chest with my hand, pushing him back and kissing with my lips down to the waistband of his pants, and then back up to his lips. This felt so good, and before I knew it, when all our clothes had been removed and I sat, straddling his lap, as we were both sitting, he was inside me. And as I leant my head right back, and he pushed his lips into my throat, I felt more alive than I'd ever felt before. Our bodies were both vibrating, as we could barely take the pleasure and heat, and the overwhelming sensation of our love for each other. His hand was entangled in my hair, as his other was sliding up and down my spine so smoothly it tickled. The pleasure was just becoming more and more intense to the point we both struggled to breath, and our fingers and nails were clutching at anything and everything we could to try and hold on. The moans and groans got more and more louder and squeaky as he tried to kiss me in our deep embrace, until finally I felt this overwhelming sensation explode, down below, and ripple through my body, turning it to jelly. I let out the loudest moan into his mouth as he did the same in mine, and then whilst still holding onto each other we tried to regain our breath.

"Wow" Was all I could say, still panting heavily. His nose and lips still lingered at the side of my face as I felt his mouth turn into a smile.

"That was incredible!" He finally said, kissing my neck up to my mouth.

"It really was!" And it really was incredible, so much so we stayed in each others embrace, cuddling like that for ages, until finally we went to sleep. I curled up into his bare chest and smiled. As much as my life was in turmoil right now, it felt good to know I had Jasper, whom I loved more than anyone, and who loved me back the same. I wanted to be with him forever, and as I pictured our future together I drifted off into a deep, well needed sleep.

**Jasper**

Last night had been so FUCKING incredible! That's right, fucking!! I just wanted to scream and curse at the top of my lungs on the roof top. Making love to Alice was definitely one of the best moments in my entire life, and I couldn't think of anything that would top that. We both woke up at the same time, moving slightly to stretch out before she planted a sweet, soft kiss on my lips.

"mmm" She moaned, smiling into my chest.

"Ah don't make that noise Al!" I begged, feeling as though I might go hard and horny again. She giggled and then sat up, wrapping the sheets around her so she wouldn't be exposed. Not that I would mind!

"We should think about getting out of this bed at some point!" She suggested, sighing in frustration. I grabbed her arm and pulled her back onto my chest, kissing her neck, and hair and head and basically just all over her face, as she giggled again.

"Why? We can just stay here forever!" I said as she pulled her face up to mine and smiled, brushing my lips with hers. She crushed her tongue into mine, as her hands found my hair again and pulled our faces together with force. As I entangled my hands through her silky, black hair she moaning into my mouth and that was it...I was rock hard again.

"U-HOH Alice you'll be the death of me!" I groaned, pulling myself on top of her and that was it, we were making love again.

Eventually we got ourselves out of bed, not being able to fight the starvation for food any longer. Alice said she couldn't cook well, so I sat her down on the breakfast table stool, and began cooking some eggs. We were both wrapped in sheets, not bothering to change.

"You have one _hot_ body!" She said biting her lip, and looking me up and down, giving me the eye.

"Don't objectify me!" I said in a teasing, girlie voice, smiling at her. She laughed as I passed her, her food and sat down.

"So...what's going on with Emmett?" She asked, and I sighed really not wanting to upset her. I knew how depressed she had been, and I didn't want to add to her misery. "Please tell me Jasper...I need to know, is he going to be ok?" She pushed, noting my reluctance to tell her.

"I'm not sure" I bemused. "He's not in a good place right now...not surprisingly!"

"What happened for him to go into Dawn's hospital?"

"Al...I don't want to cause you any more upset" I said reaching for her hand. She squeezed it back.

"You won't upset me Jasper...I need to know!" I sighed again.

"He tried...he erm...he took a lot of pills Al, and erm...slashed his wrists. He's ok though...I mean he's alive, but they've insisted he be admitted for psychiatric help. I'm sure he'll be ok Al, I mean he's a strong person..." I said, not really believing that myself. We'd all seen Emmett after loosing Rosalie and it wasn't a pretty sight. I couldn't imagine loosing someone I loved, and under such awful circumstances too. Alice pulled her hand back, and placed it over her stomach as she seemed to look in pain. "Al! I'm sorry!" I said running over to her, and wrapping my arms around her in comfort. "I knew I shouldn't of said anything!" I said wanting to hit myself right now.

"No you should! I just...I feel like I should do something you know? Can we go and see him?"

"No he's not allowed any visitor's hun"

"Hm...I just wish there was something I could do!" She said as she stood up hugging me.

"I know sweety!" I said kissing her hair.

"I feel lowsy not being able to help or anything...it's annoying!" She moaned. I rolled my eyes. "Especially when were so..._happy_" She bemused.

"Al...It's ok to be happy you know" I said pulling back to cup her face and look into her eyes.

"I know!"

"You can't help it, your very...motherly" I smiled. It was true, she did have those motherly instincts, and I knew how much it bugged her not to be able to help in situations. She let out a huge sigh and nodded her head in agreement, letting her head fall onto my chest, as I stroked her hair.

"Mmm" She groaned again, sliding her hands up into my hair and kissing my chest and neck.

"A-lice" I groaned as my eyes fell back into my head. "Your an animal!" I said as her hands slid down the sheet to cup my dick. I moaned into her ear as I went rock hard again. She giggled and then jumped into my arms as I took her back upstairs for more sexytimes!

After what seemed like an entire day of rolling around the bedroom with Alice, we finally were too exhausted and went downstairs fully dressed to watch some TV, snuggled up together. Esme still hadn't come home, what with Carlisle in a real mess right now, and she trusted Alice would be all right. We got halfway through the film 'Bel Ami' when the doorbell rang. It was Bella.

"Bella!" Alice exclaimed, pulling her into a bear hug. I stood awkwardly behind Alice smiling. Bella seemed upset over something...probably Rosalie.

"Hi guys!" She said sniffing and wiping her tears.

"Are you ok?" Alice asked.

"No...but before we talk...Jasper can I speak to you?" She asked, smiling at me. I was taken a back, it was the first time she'd spoken to me without the words "FUCK OF AND DIE" in the sentence.

"Sure" I said scratching my head.

"Alice do you mind if I speak to him alone?" She asked.

"Yeah ok. I'll be the in lounge, come through when your finished" She said smiling and dancing off into the lounge. I followed Bella into the dining room and sat opposite her at the table. There was a long awkward silence before she finally spoke.

"I want to apologise to you Jasper" She started. "I've been a real bitch to you, and there's no excuse for it. What I did...when we were little...well it was despicable and I can't apologise enough for what I did! No matter _what_ was going on in my life I should not have taken out my anger and upset on you...it was beyond wrong of me, and I hope one day you will learn to forgive me, because your a decent guy Jasper! I see how Alice is with you and she's just a much better person...you've been good for her and I want to thank you for that because I've been such a shit person to her as well! Thank you for bringing her back to life! She's no one when she's not herself, I can't believe I could of ever changed who she was because...she's truly a beautiful person and that shouldn't be covered up!" She went on. I felt really bad for her, she was clearly at conflict with herself, and I didn't really know what to say. "Can I ask you for a favour?" She asked, raising a little suspicion inside me.

"What?"

"Well...I know how your into like...religion and stuff, and I feel like...well I feel like I've sinned so much lately and in my past, and feel I should really sort of...make up for that. Will you help me? Find god as such! Or not even that, just help me ask god for forgiveness?" She pleaded. I smiled at her, humbled she was asking me for this kind of help. I never thought I'd see the day when she'd want to turn to god for help.

"Bella...you don't need my help. You just need to ask him yourself...in prayer, or even just talking to him. As long as you genuinely are sorry god will forgive you. What brought all this on if you don't mind me asking?"

"I need to change. I need to find myself again...I don't want to be a bad person Jasper!" She said starting to cry. I reached out for her hand.

"Your not a bad person Bella. Your a person whose had _bad_ things happen to them, and you've dealt with it the only way you knew how to...whether it was wrong or not we can all turn to things that are bad but seem like quick fixes to get us out of feeling the true pain of it! I mean I more than anyone can understand your situation. I've seen things that people shouldn't ever see in their nightmares, and for such a long time I took out my pain and anger on myself. See it's me that's lucky to have Alice really...I don't deserve the girl, she's just too perfect for words. _She_ is the one who brought me back to life...and I can't ever thank her enough for that!" Bella smiled at me, a longing sort of smile.

"I wish I had what you and she have" She mused, as a tear fell from her eye.

"Trouble with Edward?" I asked. She nodded, as her face strained in pain.

"Always trouble with Edward! I love him but I'm no good for him...I'm no good for anyone"

"You just need a little guidance...to get back on the right path again. Some counselling might help you, or even going to church maybe? You could come with me and Alice...I've managed to convert her" I grinned and she grinned back.

"That's ok, I think I'm going to go to rehab"

"Rehab?! Really?" I said in shock. She didn't need rehab, just more help. Surely she wasn't that bad that she needed locking up?

"Yeah...I don't know though...I just need help!"

"Yeah you do but rehab isn't really what you need...I mean I know your into drugs but your not like dependent on them are you?" She thought about that for a second.

"Not really...I guess it wouldn't be much of a problem for me to give them up...I mean I took them more when I was with Edward...it was kind of like just something we did, not like I _needed_ it or anything..."

"There you go then! Rehab isn't the place for you, I'd say you just need someone professional to talk to, and maybe a hobby to take up...something that isn't getting high!" I half joked. She laughed.

"Yeah maybe...I'll think about it any way, thank you Jasper!" She smiled.

"Your welcome" And as we stood to leave she gave me a small hug, and patted my bag. It was good to finally reach a sort of understanding with Bella, and I was happy she was finally trying to change her ways. In light of everything that had happened these past few weeks it seemed like things might start to go right for a change. I truly prayed they would.


	20. Chapter 20

**Bella**

A month had passed since Rosalie's death. Alice and I had gone away for 2 weeks to a health spa, and came home feeling really refreshed and revitalised. It had been such a blissful break from the stress, and depression we left back at home, free from drama. I also hadn't touched a drink or even smoked a cigarette so all in all it was a positive trip. But there was only so long you can avoid the troubles back at home.

"Have you arranged to speak to a counsellor yet?" My dad pushed, before I could even get through the door with my suitcase.

"Not yet dad...only just got back, give me some time!" I said a little annoyed.

"Bella...2 weeks on a relaxing holiday does _not_ cure 6 or so years of problems! I really think you should reconsider rehab!" He pressed. I sighed and rolled my eyes in annoyance.

"Dad...I don't need a rehab, I just need some help that's all. I'm back home now, I can speak to Esme about it later, maybe she knows someone" I suggested, hoping he would drop it. The truth was I was avoiding having to speak to someone '_professional' _for as long as possible! It bugged me talking about personal stuff to Alice, let alone a stranger with a pad and a pen and the ability to dish out drugs that just didn't have the same kick as illegal ones did! But I knew I couldn't get away with stalling for long, even if I could fool my dad, I could _never_ fool Alice.

"Quit avoiding the subject Bells! We did the break away, now it's back to reality. You _have_ to start getting serious...I know your not off the drugs fully Bella!" Alice said with her serious face on. You didn't mess with that face!

"Alice I'm _not _on drugs any more!" I lied.

"Oh really? So what's _this_ I found in your purse!" She yelled, pulling out a small bag of white powder. Ok so I wasn't fully off the drugs, but cocaine was proving a hard drug to kick, and it made me forget all the shit in my life. Nobody understood that I may need a little boost every now and again. I mean it can't hurt right?

"Al..." I started but Alice interrupted.

"Bella don't give me more crap! I know this shit ok...I've read the book, got the t-shirt, I invented the lies Bella! All those years I was addicted to snorting anything I could get my hands on...even before you started taking drugs Bells you know that!" It was true Alice had been the first one of us to dabble with drugs, thanks to her _wonderful_ ex boyfriend Marcus who ended up in jail for manslaughter. It was a drug related crime, and the victim happened to be a father of 3, and heavily addicted to heroine except he didn't have the bank balance to pay for it! Damn shame, I heard he was a nice guy as well, and really smart! "I'll never forgive myself for being the one that got you and Rosalie hooked on this shit, it _kills_ me when I think that if I hadn't introduced either of you that maybe, just maybe she would be alive right now! But I will _not_ watch another friend die ok? Bella I c-can't" She said tearing up. "It'd destroy me! I let this go on far to long, I _should_ have done something, anything to help Rosalie but I didn't. Well I'm not standing by any more. Whether I become your worst nightmare, and you end up _hating_ my guts I don't give a damn! You _will_ be helped ok? You will get off this shit for starters!" She said storming off into the kitchen and pouring the powder down the sink. I cringed and made a squeaking sound but then remembered I had a bag stashed at home as well.

"Alice it wasn't a lot ok...I'm not hooked like Rose was. I'd never let myself get that far!"

"Do you know I used to say the _exact_ same thing? To the point I actually believed that, that was true! I _kidded_ myself into believing I was just taking drugs recreationally and I had it handled...it was just a treat every once in a while, no big deal! No big deal almost got me killed! Remember?" She shouted, reminding me of that one terrible night she almost lost her life. Her and Rosalie were at some party whilst I was away on holiday with my current boyfriend of the time James. Alice took some seriously strong cocaine and overdosed by accident, almost dying had it not been for the fact one of the users, Laurent, knew what to do! "You have to stop telling yourself that your not addicted to drugs! Your in denial, and if you ever hope to change your life you have to start realising this and change your ways! I can help you but you have to admit it first otherwise your a lost cause!" She said. I looked to the ground in shame. Was she right? Was I really in denial?

**Edward**

_'I think I'm drowning, Asphyxiated, I wanna break this spell, That you've created, You're something beautiful, A contradiction, I wanna play the game, I want the friction, You will be the death of me' _Muse sang as I wallowed in self-pity drowning my sorrows down with a bottle of revolting whisky. It was funny how true the lyrics of muse and nirvana described my life and feelings right now. _'I wanted freedom, Bound and restricted, I tried to give you up, But I'm addicted, Now that you know I'm trapped sense of elation, You'd never dream of, Breaking this fixation, You will squeeze the life out of me'. _It was true. I was addicted to her. More than any drug or poison I had tasted, she was by far the most _addictive _drug of them all! I couldn't get her out of my mind. That silky hair of hers, those eyes, those _juicy_ lips, I wanted it all! But I had to make do with the sanctuary, and isolation that was my room. All alone, with not even my big brother to talk to. Carlisle had too much on what with Emmett's pathetic attempt at killing himself, and trying to hold on to his relationship with Esme! No one would probably notice if I just topped myself right now. I'd do it better than Emmett would that's for damn sure! No lousy overdoses or wrist slashing, I'd go the full mile. Truck plus a cliff, plus a heavy amount of narcotics and booze! Great combo!

"What am I thinking!" I yelled out loud. I couldn't kill myself...I wasn't a coward! Bella just needed time. Time would make her see we both needed each other. I knew there was only one person I could talk to right now, even if that _was_ a bad idea! I had to go and see Emmett. I lifted myself of of the bed for the first time in over a week and made my way to get in the shower. I stunk badly of moldy BO and I knew I couldn't go to the hospital that way. I didn't bother styling my hair, and just threw on an old pair of tight jeans, t-shirt and leather jacket, complete with my sunglasses! I never went anywhere without those baby's!

Dawn Hospital was the most uncomfortably awkward places I'd ever seen. The staff were overly patronising, the patients were a variety of different kinds of crazy, and the place itself was so blindingly white, that you could barely make anything out, it all just blended in with each other, like camouflage. I hated this place, and I _knew_ Emmett would hate it even more.

"How you been?" I asked as we took our place in the, would you believe it, _white_ cafeteria, complete with white tables, chairs, rugs and even a white food counter and trays. YUK!

"Yeah..." He said, his voice barely alive and his eyes black as a panda's.

"It's er...very...white here" I said, looking around and feeling my eyes pain.

"Yeah..." He said again, not even looking up at me. I sighed, feeling awkward and not knowing what to say to him. Usually in a case like this we'd spark up some weed, get high and talk about birds we'd banged and fun nights we'd had getting pissed! But I'm sure the _lovely_ staff here would only be too _delighted_ if I sparked up a spliff, and I'd probably be banned from ever coming back!

"Could do with some pot right now, huh?" I joked, half laughing. His mouth didn't even turn into a smile as he looked up at me with such hatred right now. I swallowed hard and shifted uncomfortably.

"You need to get off that shit!" He said, his face hardened.

"Yeah...because that's a good idea!" I huffed sarcastically. His face hardened even more now, as he clenched his fists.

"Don't fucking joke man, this isn't funny ok?" He said between clenched teeth. I nodded not really knowing what to say to that. "It's just not a joke any more Edward! It's not like the old days, when we could just pretend things were ok, and carry on screwing our lives up! Look where I am Edward! Just fucking look! I'm _locked_ in a nut house, full of crazy people who thing Jesus visits them in their rooms at night, and that their the fucking Messiah or something! How is this ok? How is this a normal life? It's fucked up!"

"I know man, I know! Listen we'll get you out of here! Your not fucking crazy dude, your just grieving! I'll get you out!" I promised, running through plans and ideas in my mind on how to break him out of this hell hole!

"Don't be fucking ridiculous! I belong in here, I tried to off myself! This is what I deserve, because I have completely _fucked_ my life up! And pretty much anyone I've ever known! I mean look at the state of you! Instead of being the supportive big brother, I brought you down to my level, I completely fucked you up just so I could have the_ privilege_ of company in my destructive way of living! Who does that to their brother? Not only that but I killed Rosalie! I mean I have to live with that for the rest of my _miserable_ life! Knowing I had a helping hand in her death! Is this what you want? Do you want to end up like me? Because I'm telling you now Edward if you carry on you'll either end up in here, locked up for years with crazies, and having _numbing_, tranquillizers shoved in your mouth, to the point where you can feel that your walking and talking but your so numb and pretty much _empty_! Or you'll end up dead, or worse in a fucking prison cell for the rest of your miserable days! It's not easy on the inside, you couldn't hack it because I couldn't even take one _week _in there!"

"Emmett...my whole _life_ is a prison cell! Always has been since...well you know!" I said avoiding bringing up mom in this conversation. He still flinched even without me mentioning her.

"It doesn't have to be that way. You know Rosalie was right! There's no point wasting your life away on drugs and alcohol and things that just mean _squat_ to you, just because something bad happens in your life! Why play the victim? It's too late for her now! And it might be too late for me. But it certainly isn't fucking too late for you! I won't stand by and let you carry on this way any more! No way! One of the last things Rosalie said to me was 'you have so much to offer the world, amazing resources' she said she saw it in me, and that she never had that chance. But I really _don't_ have that talent. It's _you_ Edward that's always had the resources. Even..._mom_...said so! Your lyrics are just incredible! They out-do all the greatest poets and song writers in the world, and I'm not just saying that because I'm your brother, it's totally fucking true! You know Rosalie found one of your songs once and thought it was mine. I lied to her of course, wanting to seem all talented and shit to her but the truth was I don't have half as much talent as you! It's not just with lyrics and poetry either, you have an amazing gift with people. You always did. Everybody fell in love with you, and even now, even with your withdrawn, fucked up attitude people are drawn to you. I mean look at Bella! God she loves the bones off of you. You just have this light inside you, and you could do so much with it! Your intelligent too, I mean don't think I have forgotten how many times you always came home with 100% in _every_ single piece of school work! I used to get so jealous of you, because I knew you'd end up being some big shot, high paid member of the high society. And I would just be the dumb tag along, with nothing to show for myself!"

"What the hell are you talking about? When have I _ever_ wanted to be a member of the '_high society'_ lot? Their all a bunch of snobby pussy's! Eurgh!" I exclaimed a little angrily.

"That's not the point Edward, and you don't know that their all like that any how! You need to _stop_ being so...pissed off at the world. Stop being so depressed and negative about life, do something _positive_ with it!"

"It's not that easy Emmett...not without _her_" I said whispering the last part.

"Yeah well when Bella dies then you let me know how _that_ feels! Bella's still living and breathing, and she still lives in the same friggin town! I've lost Rosalie forever! I'll never have her in my arms again! What the hell am I supposed to do with that? Don't be so damned selfish and get off your arse and make something good of yourself! If you want Bella you have to sort yourself out, because your no good to anyone like this and you know it!" He said bringing up some true, but not so easy to hear points. The staff came then and took him away for his afternoon 'nap' like he was a child or something. I wanted to smash their faces in but I knew that wouldn't help matters so I just left to think about what he had said. I guess I had been living selfishly and wallowing in pity all these years, waiting for something to bring me back to life. I did think Bella would be the person to do that but the truth was I had to do it myself. But how? How do you change something about yourself you've lived with for so long, and gotten used to? How had I gotten this angry? It just didn't seem right! One thing was for sure though. Bella would never love me like this, and I couldn't love her the way she deserved. So something had to change!

**Alice**

"I know an amazing psychologist you could speak to. She's in the same department as me, and she comes highly recommended! I would talk to you myself but because I'm dealing with..._Edward_... and Emmett's case right now it's unethical, I wouldn't be allowed" Esme suggested to Bella. I'd just spent the past 2 hours trying to show Bella she was _not_ all cured of her addiction!

"Yeah..." Bella said deflated.

"Don't think you can't talk to me separately though, I'm always here for you remember that! But this women is fantastic! I've known her a long time, and she's had the same success rate as me...it kind of pains me to have to talk her up, she's my biggest competition" Esme laughed. Bella didn't even raise the corners of her mouth.

"Bella you know you have to do this! If not for yourself but for the people around you who care! You need the help Bells!" I encouraged.

"She's right sweetheart...it will help you so much to talk about this stuff. I know it feels hard for you, everybody struggles with talking about painful things to strangers but believe me it's such a huge relief when you do! Let someone else carry the weight of your shoulders, you'll feel so much better for letting someone in. I should know hunny" Me and Bella looked up and Esme, puzzled.

"Mom?" I pressed.

"A long time ago before I got into the profession and I was modelling I had some troubles. I know you wouldn't know to look at me but I had a severe addiction to cocaine, and I had to deal with anorexia as well!" I gasped in shock. Esme? Not Esme! She was so pure and innocent! How had she lived this kind of lifestyle? It didn't make sense. "It was awful, I was such a different person. But I completely turned my life around. I think being pregnant with you Alice helped me a great deal! You made me realise I had to change my lifestyle and grow up, as much as I didn't want to. So I quit modelling and went back to school, but it wasn't without help. And believe me, I'd never been so reluctant to speak to _any one_ professional...it made me feel sick to my stomach, it just wasn't the way we did things in our family. You had a problem you kept it to yourself, but once I sat down and started to let myself be open to this person it was such an amazing feeling, and it helped me _so_ much that it inspired me to do the same! Not that I'm saying you'll do the same as me but it will help, I guarantee it! If nothing else but to have someone listen to you, and understand you, without being judgemental. Trust me" She said smiling. Bella thought about it for a second, and with a long sigh nodded and smiled.

"Thanks Esme" She said. And that was that. Bella would _finally_ get some help, and hopefully, just hopefully things would end up being ok.

**Jasper**

"You nervous about starting back at school Jasper?" My mom asked as she served up her delicious home made spaghetti bolonaise. Things had been a lot better at home. Mom was so much happier with the house now it had been redone and we actually had _heating_ for once! It was nice to finally be warm and call our house our home. Dad was doing well with the alcohol and mom had let him back into the house on the condition he continue to do well, because she didn't want the trouble any more. They were both dealing with things together finally, and I'd even seen them embracing a little in the kitchen occasionally, so I was hopeful things would stay happy like this.

"Not really. I'm glad it's the last year" I answered truthfully glad we only had one more year of that hell hole.

"Aw, I'm sure it'll be a sad time" She said sitting down.

"Yeah" I said musing that over for a second. I suppose in a way it would be sad. I'd miss Angela and Ben who were amazing people, and Ben had even become one of my best mates. I'd definitely miss spending all that time with Alice, even though we had decided to try and go to the same college together afterwards. And I never thought I'd say this but I would actually miss Bella. Since she decided to forgive me for stealing her Alice away, she'd been really nice to be around. I'd taken her to my church a few times and she seemed to really dig her new found religion.

"You'll have to bring Alice round for dinner again. Oh I do love that girl, she's wonderful!" My mom exclaimed. She absolutely adored Alice, but it'd be hard to find someone who didn't!

"She is incredible!" I agreed.

"Their family are lovely" My dad added. I smiled at him awkwardly. Even though things were ok with him now I still hadn't forgiven him for they way he had behaved, and he knew that.

Later that evening I met up with Alice at the cinema. We were off to see a romantic comedy I couldn't even remember the name of.

"Hey sweety" I said wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her in for a passionate kiss.

"Hey" She said after I pulled back to rest my head against hers. She did her biting the lip smile, the one she always did when she was horny.

"So...my mom wants to know when your coming over again" I said taking her hand and walking her into the theatre.

"Aw bless! Well any time you want to invite me again I'm there" She beamed. "And I promise to behave this time!" She said giggling.

"Ok good because I doubt my mom wants to see us in _that_ position again in her house! Lucky we didn't get caught last time!" We laughed.

"You can't say a little danger isn't fun!" She said.

"Hm..." I thought about that for a second. I guess sneaking around like that, knowing if my mom found us she'd go ballistic, I had to say it was a _lot _of fun! Man I did love that girl!


	21. Chapter 21

**(Author's note: Sorry this one took me so long, it was a hard one to write. There's no Edward in this chapter, or for a while just to warn you but these are very important dramatic chapters involving Bella and Alice. :) I hope you enjoy, and please remember to review :D xx)**

**Bella**

Who did this bitch think she was? I was paying her a _lot_ of money and for what? 1 hour of being told I'm a fucked up, psychotic whore-bag with no prospects in life! Fucking bitch. I was _not_ talking to her again! No matter what Esme or Alice said, this was dumb!

"Bella it's your first time meeting with her, give it at _least_ another session...your just being typical Bells. Knock that wall down and you'll be fine" Alice said on our way to school. It was the first day back after the summer from hell and I was _not_ looking forward to being the centre of gossip, taunts and lame crude remarks!

"Don't go all philosophical on me now! Knock my wall down? I mean seriously...there's no wall!" I said angrily.

"You know what I mean Bella! Don't act like your a dumb ass because your not! You do this with people. Whenever someone gets close to you, close to knowing all your shit, you freak out and completely hate on them as if they killed your dog or something! You even did it with me right after you told me what had happened that summer. You would scream at me for the most insignificant thing, like you hated me, it was a nightmare trying to stay friends with you. You do it with everyone Bells and you can't see it. It's not that, that person is an ass hole or a bitch it's because they know too much about you, and your afraid they will do something that could potentially _hurt_ you! Like breaking your trust. But this woman can't do that. You just have to give it a chance, wait it out" I huffed at her remarks. I hated it when someone was right and I was wrong. It made me think about the way I'd been towards Edward, hitting out at him, and getting into horrible fights and all because he knew too much. How could he ever love me for doing that to him? I got a horrible feeling wash over me as I thought about seeing him today. Alice pulled into the school car-park and my heart started pounding.

"It'll be all right" She promised, as she could see the panic in my face.

"I just feel like ditching today!" I said, desperately wanting to run from this nightmare.

"It's better to bite the bullet now than to let it get any worse! You know if you leave it, it'll only get harder to come back. Come on you'll be fine! You have me and Jasper, and Angela and Ben as well now" She smiled, climbing out of the car and walking round to open my door. I stepped out and took a deep breath, hiding my face in my oversized hoodie. I tried to focus my gaze on the floor just like Alice had said but it was difficult to resist looking. Every single face who had once followed my every word, and dare not cross me, now glared at me, laughing and pointing. I could hear their whispers and I felt their eyes burn into to me as they looked me up and down pleased with themselves that they could freely treat me like dirt.

"Everybody is staring and whispering" I whispered to Alice as I felt my cheeks burn red.

"Pay no attention! It gets easier I promise" She ensured me, linking arms with me. I guess she knew what she was talking about since this was the exact treatment she received after she switched tables to Jasper's. As we entered the school the glares and whispering got worse.

"How can she even show her face here" one girl said.

"Pathetic, look at the state of her!" Another girl said.

"Look at that! It's Alice and her pile of garbage!" Jane scorned, grinning slyly at me. As much as I disliked her, I pitied her. One day this would happen to her. Queen never lasted very long on the throne!

"Just keep breathing you'll be ok" Alice kept reassuring me.

"Was it like this for you?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes" She muttered. I felt so guilty. How could I even call myself a friend to her after the way I'd treated her.

"I have a lot of making up to do" I said.

"You going back to that counsellor is enough of making it up to me! Seeing you get better, that's all I want" She smiled. I smiled back and sighed in defeat. I would _have_ to go back now.

Lunch time came around and I sat nervously picking at a packet of mini cookies, my eyes shifting across the cafeteria, as Alice, Jasper, Angela and Ben were deep into conversation.

"What do you reckon Bella?" Angela asked bringing me back to life.

"What?" I asked, completely unaware of what they had been discussing. Angela smiled nervously and turned back to Ben and Jasper. I could see Alice staring at me, scrutinising my face.

"He's not here" She said simply, as if to answer a question I hadn't asked.

"Who...what...I didn't say"

"You didn't have to! I know you well hun"

"Where is he then?"

"I don't know. Jasper spoke to Carlisle the other day...he's not doing so good apparently so I think he's staying off school for the time being. Can't say I'm surprised, it must be hard for them all with Emmett being in hospital"

"Yeah I guess..." I bemused, feeling half relieved he wasn't in school and the other half was sort of disappointed. I hadn't seen him since the funeral, and that awful conversation we had. I missed him so much, but I knew I wasn't good for him.

"Doing the right thing sucks!" I said out loud.

"I can't argue that!" Alice agreed shoving a spoonful of salad into her mouth.

**Alice**

I tried to be as supportive as possible towards Bella, but it was quite difficult with having so much on my mind. I drove Bella home, and then drove to see my doctor, Carlisle. Jasper had pushed me to go ever since I started having trouble with my stomach.

"Alice Brandon to see Dr Cullen please" I said at the desk, as the stern receptionist pushed her rather large specs back and pinched her face together.

"Take a seat, the doctor will call you when he's ready" She said in such a monotone voice. I sat down in a busy room full of coughing, spitting, groaning and hissing people. I covered my mouth with my hand, desperate not to catch anything else besides whatever this was! I watched as a mothers child ran around the play room screaming, and throwing the toys at the walls. The mother yelled at the child to stop playing up and behave but the child just didn't listen. It then occurred to me the symptoms I had...vomiting in the mornings, sometimes till lunch. Missed period, constant tiredness and dizziness...weird pattens in my appetite. It all made sense now. I was...p...pre...oh...my....

"Miss Brandon" Carlisle called, waking me from my train of thought. I swallowed hard, trying to push my sudden rush of panic deep down until I knew for sure I was right. I followed him into his office and sat down opposite as he smiled at me. "Nice to see you again Alice! How are you doing?" He asked, informally.

"I'm...ok" I said not really believing the words as the came out.

"Before we get to the problem I just want to make you aware of something. Unfortunately I'm going to have to refer you to another doctor...of course I'll deal with this problem right now and then I will have to let you go. It's just because...well with me being...seeing your mother it kind of makes it unethical for me to be your doctor. Of course if you need to you can come to me at home or in the hospital any time, but I won't be able to be your _official _doctor" He said as nicely as he could put it. I knew he was dating my mother, in fact the whole damn world knew he was. It was kind of weird, and also a little creepy but he was a nice man and I knew he'd treat my mother right.

"Ok...that's fine" I said smiling confidently, but secretly panicking. If I was pregnant, and he knew...and them my mother...oh god! OH GOD!!

"So...what's the problem?"

"Well..." I started reluctantly. I told him everything as he sat taking it all in, with his serious 'doctor' face. And then he sat forward, resting his chin on his hands.

"It could be a virus...or possibly something like gastritis, but I will have to run some tests to be sure. Can you make it to the hospital on Friday afternoon? I will be on call, so I can do some tests then if that's ok?"

"Yes that's fine" I said praying to god it really was just a simple virus or something. I couldn't have a bab...well I just couldn't!

"Ok good" He said taking an appointment card and jotting down the date and time. "Just check in at the main reception and they will send you to the right department. In the mean time drink plenty of water, try and stay away from acid foods, like spicy foods, fizzy drinks, sweets etc, and if you have any discomfort or pain please come back straight away. Before you go though could you pop on the bed, I best just do a quick examination just to rule out anything like appendicitis. I'm sure its not but just to be sure" He said. I happily agreed, and popped on the bed as he poked and prodded at my stomach. "That's fine then" He smiled. "I shall see you Friday" And then I left, feeling disappointed that it hadn't been appendicitis! At least then I wouldn't have a death sentence hanging over me from my mother!

"Everything all right at the doctor's?" Jasper asked as I drove to meet him at his house.

"Yes" I lied, smiling as confidently as I could. "He wants to see me again on Friday, but he said it's probably a minor virus so nothing to worry about!" I beamed.

"Oh that's good" He said looking relieved, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me in for a kiss. As his warm, moist lips brushed mine he quickly pulled back and pulled his face. "Ugh I forgot...you may have a virus" He said half jokingly. I hit his arm as he bawled into laughed and grabbed his hair, pulling him in for the kiss he was teasing me with! It was funny how one kiss from him and all my troubles and worries disappeared like dust to the wind!

**Bella**

"Nice to see you again Bella" The counsellor woman said, smiling a little too condescending for my liking.

"Mmm" I hummed, piercing my face as I shifted in the purposefully built large chair that you sank into, making it difficult to get up again!

"So what's been going on since the last time we spoke then?" She asked, clicking her pen and pulling her pad of paper close to her, ready to write down every word I say.

"Nothing much" I answered vaguely, staring at the paintings she had on her wall which were all black and white. "You need some colour in this room" I said out loud, without meaning to.

"What makes you say that?"

"Just...it's boring you know? Depressing!"

"Black and white makes you depressed?" She asked, in her shrink voice. God I hated when shrinks took everything you say and over-analysed it like you can't just make a simple comment on the colour of the room without being some crazy, nut job!

"_No!_ I just think it says a lot about _you_..." I scorned, a little too defensively.

"You don't like counsellor's very much do you?" She asked, furrowing her brow.

"I never said that!" She noted my tone of voice and began writing something down. Bitch!

"Just something I've noticed...that's all. Listen Bella...I've had two sessions with you now and each time you tell me your fine, nothings wrong, and then you scowl at me...like your doing now. I don't want to seem like I'm being _pushy_, I know this might be difficult for you, but I also don't want to waste your money...if I'm not able to help you that is! Maybe you want to see someone else? Someone you might feel more able to trust? I can see that your uncomfortable, and I wouldn't want to make you worse. Tell me Bella...do you want to really be here?" She asked, scrutinising my face. I looked at the ground, fiddling my fingers together, as I thought about that question. I didn't want to be here, but I knew I needed to be and that I would let so many people down. I wanted to get better, I really did! Not just for myself and for my dad and Alice, but for Edward. Because I did want to work things out with him, I loved him...so much! And as long as I was this way I couldn't be with him!

"I want to...change...get better, but I just don't know how. Can you tell me how?" I asked, hoping she had some miracle cure in the form of a hot drink or something.

"By talking. I know it's difficult. It can be hard to let a stranger in to your life...but I assure you everything said in here is completely confidential...unless I feel your a danger to yourself or any other person, nothing you discuss will leave this room. Like I said if you feel maybe another person would be more beneficial? Maybe I'm not the right person. But that's entirely up to you. You can only talk to someone you feel comfortable with" She informed me. I sighed disappointed. No miracle cure! I had to open up.

"No...it's ok...I'll _talk_ to you" I said through gritted teeth.

"Ok...well how about we start somewhere easy. Why don't you tell me how you've been feeling?" She asked. That wasn't really an easy question for me, but I bit my tongue and started to talk. I told her about my mood swings. How easy it was for me to switch from being fine to suddenly raging with anger, and even acting out violently. I told her about my substance abuse, and how even though I thought it wasn't out of control, others around me did. I told her about my mother, about Phil, about how I felt abandoned in my time of need, and thereafter hated letting anyone get too close to me because I was afraid. She listened intently, nodded occasionally, wrote down on her pad regularly and then the conversation fell silent.

"From everything you have just described to me, it sounds as if you had a very traumatic childhood" She said, looking sympathetic towards me.

"Yes...I guess it was" I said, feeling as though I might start crying.

"It must have been very difficult for you...not having anyone there for you!"

"Well I had Alice"

"True, but she was only young herself. I can see where you get your fears of abandonment from, and also separation anxiety"

"What does that mean? I'm anxious about separation?" I said, laughing it off like it was some joke. She looked up at me seriously.

"Bella from what you've told me, it looks as if you have what is commonly known as Emotionally unstable personality disorder. Now don't get upset with this, it is treatable" She said. My heart starting skipping beats. Emotionally unstable? Really. So I was a nut-job after all! Tears started to fall from my eyes, as I tried to hide my face.

"What does that mean?" I asked, kind of already knowing what it meant. It kind of spoke for itself really!

"Well with EUPD there are two kinds. The impulsive type, and the borderline type. In your case I believe you have both kinds. They both share similar characteristics. For example, A marked tendency to act impulsively without considering the consequences of these actions, for example engaging in unprotected sex or substance abuse. In your case this would be the impulsive drug use, with your friends, mainly with Edward. The sort of routine you picked up together, and the impulsive unprotected sex. The second characteristic they share is an inability to plan ahead, coupled with a lack of self control and outbursts of intense anger, which can lead to violence and other extreme behaviour, especially if impulsive acts are challenged or prevented by people around them. In your case this would be the extreme outbursts of violence towards your boyfriend, mainly when you are challenged in some way by him. I believe you fall mostly under the borderline characteristics. Emotionally Unstable (Borderline) Personality Disorder is a condition characterized by impulsive actions, rapidly shifting moods (your anger), and chaotic relationships (with Edward, and then again with your friends). The individual usually goes from one emotional crisis to another. Often there is dependency (dependent on a relationship or friend, for example in you case this would be Edward and Alice), separation anxiety (fear of being separated from someone you love and care about), unstable self-image, chronic feelings of emptiness, and threats of self-harm (suicide or self-mutilation). Very stressful or chaotic childhoods can be the cause of this disorder, for example physical and sexual abuse (in your case Phil), neglect (from your mother), hostile conflict, and early parental loss or separation. Other disorders such as Mood disorders, Substance-Related Disorders, Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, and other Personality Disorders frequently co-occur with this disorder. I believe this is the case with you. You shouldn't be alarmed though, it is treatable. EUPD is usually common with young adults, and tends to, by itself usually, ware out with age. But by talking through some of these problems we can work together and help you overcome your demons. I would like to see you once a week, for a two hour appointment. I'd also like to get you enrolled in some anger management courses, since that is quite a serious problem, as it not only affects you but others too. Is this all right with you?"

"Anger management...is that like hitting rubber balloons and stuff?" She giggled a little.

"Not exactly! You'll work with a highly trained professional who will tackle the anger issues, and help you learn to control it, to stop any violent outbursts"

"Ok" I said feeling a little crappy and empty. Everything she had just said and shot me into complete shock. I mean I knew I had problems, but I didn't think they were that serious.

"You look upset, are you ok" She asked concerned.

"It's just a lot to take in!"

"I know! But it will get easier for you, and I promise with my help you can overcome it and live a healthy normal life again"

"W-will I be able to have a normal..._relationship_ again? With Edward I mean?" I asked, tiptoeing around the subject.

"Yes! You will be able to have normal healthy relationships as well...but...well I am concerned about Edward. He sounds to me like he has some problems of his own...and that could be quite damaging to your recovery. It would be best to avoid contact with him right now, until your fully better, and then maybe look to see if you can both make it work. But honestly...I think he needs help himself" I would stand up right now and wack her across the face, if I didn't know that everything she had just said was so right. It just wasn't what I wanted to hear. To even contemplate anything could be wrong with Edward hurt me! And as much as I resisted help, there was no _way_ anyone could get through to him, and make him get help himself! Not even me! How could this ever work out?


	22. Chapter 22

**Jasper**

Everything was going just fine! Fine and dandy, picture perfect, and I'd never been happier. And then...it happened..._again_. It all started Thursday evening. Alice came for dinner that night and everything was wonderful. Mom had cooked a beautiful three course meal, with home made carrot and lentil soup, beef dinner for main, and then a gorgeous home made chocolate cake. We all sat down, clutching our oversized, stuffed bellies and sipping at the wine when Alice said she had to leave.

"You want me to take you home?" I asked, hoping I could stay over at hers, since my mom wouldn't be too happy if she found us...well you know!

"No sweety I'll be ok! I have to be up early tomorrow, got my appointment" She said smiling.

"Oh so you won't be in school?"

"Maybe in the afternoon, but if not I'll call you and we can meet up later" She promised, kissing my cheek and then hugging my mom. "Thank you so much Mrs Whitlock it was _absolutely_ delicious!" She said.

"Your welcome sweetheart, but please call me Victoria. Feel free to come over any time, it's lovely to have you here" My mom said beaming the smile I hadn't seen on her in a while. Alice smiled back and then I watched as she drove off. Pleased with the success of the night I went to my room to throw myself into the homework I had piling up. Had to tackle it sometime! I was far into my history homework when I heard the one sound that could shatter my happiness into thousands of pieces. SMASH BANG SCREAM. The sound of glasses and plates smashing, and someone thumping into the floorboards screaming. The sound of my fathers fist as it flew through the air into my mothers face sending her flying. The sound of the pain my mother felt, not just physically but the emotional pain that my father had broken his promises. He'd caved into temptation and hit the bottle again, sending him into a violent rage. My heart quickened in pace, and pounded at the walls of my chest as panic struck me. Why did this have to happen again? Why, after everything was going so good for once, did it have to turn to shit?! I tiptoed to the door to listen more closely, panicking as I tried to think of something I could do to help my mother, but knowing there wasn't anything.

"GET OUT ROYCE! GET OUT" My mother screamed. And I listened as he slammed the front door behind him. I slowly made my way down the stairs, scared at what I might find as I heard the sobs coming from my mother.

"Mom?" I called delicately, my heart still pounding.

"J-Jasper" She cried. I found her sat in the middle of the dining room, plates smashed all over the floor, glasses too and wine spilt over the table and seats. She was hysterically crying, blood dripping from he head, her face as pale as snow. I knelt down to her, grabbing a clean napkin from the table and passing it to her.

"Are you ok mom?" I asked.

"No sweetheart...can you p-please call E-Esme" She cried. Esme had been her counsellor since Alice had helped us, in what seemed like months back now. She had been making great progress, but now she needed help again. I ran to the phone and dialled Esme's number praying she was home or at least that Alice was.

"Hello" Esme answered. I sighed in relief.

"Hi Esme, it's Jasper"

"Oh hey Jasper!" She enthused. "How are you?"

"Erm yeah...my mom needs your help. Dad _hit_ her again, and she's asking for you" I said bluntly.

"Oh dear! Ok tell your mother I'm getting in my car right now. I'm not really supposed to make personal calls to patients but since your mother is a friend it'll be ok. I won't be long sweetheart" She promised as we both hung up the phone. I ran back to my distraught mother to try and fix the mess my father had left us in yet again.

"This is the last time Jasper...the last time" She said, cradled in my arms. I didn't ask what she meant. It was pretty obvious. My father had, had his last chance, and there was no way she or I would forgive him now. Not ever!

**Alice**

"Hey mom it's me" I called as I entered my somewhat derelict house. "Mom?" I called again after not receiving a reply. "Mom, you home?" Again no reply. I went into the kitchen, where I usually found her, but the kitchen was dark and empty. I spotted a note left on the breakfast table and opened it.

_'Dear Alice. I've gone to the Whitlock's house. There's an emergency with Victoria that can't wait, but I don't want you to worry. Jasper will call you if he needs you, but don't worry I'm sure he'll tell you when he sees you. There's some pot roast in the oven, help yourself I'll be back when I can. Love mom'_

I folded the letter back and dropped it on the counter. A problem with Victoria? I thought about ringing Jasper but I knew that if he needed me he would ring, and it was best to leave it. Plus I didn't know what much help I'd be to him at the moment, with my head as fried as it was! So I resided to bed, and attempted to read 'Romeo and Juliet' for my English assignment. But all I could think about was what I would do if I found out I was pregnant. How could I cope with a child? I just couldn't! But I couldn't kill it either. It was a sticky situation I prayed I'd never find myself in. But here I was, potentially up the duff with a child I couldn't cope with having, that could completely destroy my whole life and Jasper's. It was more than I could handle.

The hospital was pretty full. I looked at each persons face and tried to imagine what problem they could possibly have. There were two young girls with prams full of screaming toddler's. The young girls were running around trying to calm the kids down, as the veins on their foreheads looked as if they might pop. On the other side of me there was a woman with sweat dripping from every part of her skin, as she sat, rubbing her overly large, pregnant belly. She looked exhausted, pale with worry, pained in every muscle, and stuck to the chair as she tried to move but couldn't.

"Miss Brandon" Carlisle called as I sighed in relief. I couldn't stand to sit here any longer. "Sit down Alice" He said, with his serious doctor tone. "I have your results" I took a very deep breath, and awaited my fate.

**Bella**

Another horribly uncomfortable day at school, and this time I didn't have Alice or Jasper to protect me. Angela and Ben had to stay behind at lunch time in class, to work on their science project, and asked me if I wanted to join them but I declined, knowing I would be alone in the cafeteria. I thought about just leaving and going home, but running would only make things worse. I sat by myself on our usual table and tried to ignore all the gossiping faces that pointed and taunted around me. Edward still hadn't come into school and I was starting to get worried. No one knew where he was, not even Carlisle. Before I could even bite into my sandwich someone placed there hand on my table, hovering over me like a graceful fly!

"Hello Bella" Jane said in her very superior, condescending tone. She had the slyest grin on her face, like she had some evil plan.

"Hi Jane" I said mournfully. I couldn't be doing with her crap right now!

"Lost all your friends?" She laughed. Leah and Tasha stood laughing behind her.

"There just not in..." I answered a little too defensively.

"Angela and Ben are...maybe they just didn't want to hang out with you _alone_! You know...since you are...a psycho!" She scorned. I huffed a gust of air from my mouth and looked up at her pinched, sly face and smiled.

"Is that the best you can do?" I said, and then I stood up and walked out with as much attitude as I could muster. It was a proud moment. Even if I wasn't head bitch of the school, I still had enough in me to stand up for myself. I was _not_ weak!

"How was school today?" My father asked, sipping at his fifth coffee of the day.

"Meh" Was all I said as I glided into the kitchen to make myself a snack.

"Bella you might want to lay of the snacks, you've been filling out a little lately!" He said. I felt a sudden rush and angered fire fill ever vein in my body as he said those _insulting_ words. It took all of my energy not to scream with rage at him as I followed what my counsellor had suggested and took a very deep breath, closing my eyes.

"Are you trying to upset me dad?" I said through clenched teeth.

"No...I'm just worried, your appetite has increased by a lot!"

"Well...the doctor said this would happen! Since I am still withdrawing from _drugs_ dad!" I scorned back, still forcing myself not to go ballistic at him.

"Ok then" He said sensing I wasn't in the mood for a pep talk, and walking out of the room. _Men!_

I sat in my bed that night, crying at his comments. Was I getting fat? I knew my appetite had increased, but only because a severe lack of drugs that usually kept me satisfied had forced me to crave the munchies constantly. I must of eaten over 20,000 calories this week alone! Comfort eating, to heal the wounds. Replacing one addiction with another. Just another day in the life of Bella Swan I suppose!

The following day Alice was supposed to come round to mine to go weekend shopping with me. We'd planned a full weekend just us, taking our mind of all the crap that had happened and just being normal for once. But by lunch time there was no sign, and her phone was switched off. I tried to contact Jasper but there was no one home, so I tried Esme at work.

"Jasper and his mom are in a safe house right now, I can't tell you any more than that, but I'm sure Jasper will be in school on Monday so you can talk then. Alice is at home, I'm surprised she didn't answer" Esme said formally.

"Oh" I said, a little dismantled. Why wouldn't Alice answer the phone? Was she avoiding me for some reason? "Thank you any way" I said hanging up. It bugged me that Alice hadn't even let me know she had to cancel, if something was wrong that is. She would of told me had it been a Jasper issue, or that she just wasn't feeling well, so what the hell was going on? Bound by my curiosity I grabbed my jacket, purse and car keys and went to find out the truth. The house was dark, even for daytime, when I arrived. No sign of life. I tried the bell a million times before I got fed up and jumped her garden gate, like I'd done so many times before. I knew they kept a spare key under one of the garden knomes, the one with the wheelbarrow full of flowers. I happily let myself in and looked around.

"ALICE?" I called hoping she would answer. It was a little spooky to me. "ALICE ARE YOU HERE?" I called again. I started to panic that I may find her lying unconscious or worse _dead_. It would explain why she hadn't called. "ALICE IT'S BELLA, ARE YOU HERE?".

"Hey Bella" Alice finally answered, shocking me right out of my skin as I screeched in fear. I turned to find her sat, like some scary figure in the dark, on a chair in the corner.

"Alice! There you are...what's going on?" I asked concerned. It wasn't like her to sit in the dark, not answering calls or the door.

"Nothing. I'm just...thinking" She lied, her voice very strange like.

"Alice I'm worried now what the _hell_ is going on!?" I demanded. "I've been trying to call you all day, you were _supposed_ to meet me at my house! Are you ill? Is it Jasper? Tell me what's happening!" She sat forward slowly, her face half lit with the sunlight that it almost made her look more scary like. And then she spoke, words that were jumbled, that made sense but didn't at the same time. It shot a mixture of panic, upset and anger throughout my body, as each word was spoken, and I could no longer breath. Was what she was saying true? Of course it was...but I wished deeply it was a joke, not just for her sake but for all of us. How could this happen? Hadn't we suffered enough?

"Why didn't you tell me before?" I asked, my voice barely strong enough to speak. She looked at me, tears strolling down her face, pain and anguish in every part of her.

"Because I didn't know...until now!"

"And this is why...this is the reason for the problems you've been having?" Such a dumb question, but it was hard to get my head round.

"Yes" She answered very matter of fact like.

"And...the doctor's sure? This isn't...well he couldn't be wrong could he?"

"No!" She spitted. "Of course not _Bella_!"

"Oh...well...I-I...Alice how did this happen?"

"It happened because bad things _always_ happen! It happened because I wasn't careful enough, I didn't look after myself properly. And now there's no going back! I have to _deal_ with it!" She said, full of anger and resentment. I felt so sorry for her. It was terrible, terrible news.

**Alice**

Those few minutes in Carlisle's office were torture. Awaiting the news, the problem, the cause of all this...health drama! 'Your pregnant' go on say it, I thought, breathing as deeply as I could to try and prepare myself for the worst possible news, but it still wouldn't make it any easier to hear.

"I have your results" He said, furrowing his brow like he had some trouble trying to say the words. Had he already called my mother? Was she on her way to start a war? No, he couldn't...wouldn't do that to me! It was against his regulations. And then...as if we were in some slow motion movie, he opened his mouth and the words came out. Three little insignificant words, that are meaningless by themselves but put together quite deadly. They were unexpected, I hadn't accounted for hearing this. As much work as I had done, I had not prepared for this. Nothing could prepare me. But I watched, as his lips opened, and twisted, and curved in funny places, as he spoke them, as calmly as he could possibly muster.

"You have cancer" he said. My whole life turned upside down by those three words. I had cancer. Not a growing baby, but a growing organism that was far deadlier. Cancer.


	23. Chapter 23

**(Author's note: Hey all, just a quick note to say I hope I got this chapter right. I researched a lot into the cancer, so it should be :) Just took a while! It's a little heavy this chapter so hope that's ok, and I promise Edward will be back soon! Enjoy and please don't forget to review. Reviews make the bad stuff go away!)**

**Alice**

Doctor Carlisle was saying the words, but they weren't registering in my fuzzy mind. Cancer. How could I possibly have cancer?

"More specifically you have what I think to be Overian Cancer. Your blood test results came back detecting antigens in the blood system which would suggest Overian Cancer. We'll need to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound, an MRI scan and also I'll need a female doctor to do an internal examination to be a hundred percent positive, but it looks likely. It does appear to be in the early stages which is a positive thing, but of course it needs urgent attention. I can arrange to have you come in Monday next week, but we'll probably need to admit you over night, and we'll need you all day for tests. I can write you a note for school, and if you'd like someone with you that would be ok?" He went on to say. I didn't understand much of what he was saying. It was all medical speak, terms that I couldn't fathom in my mind. "Are you ok Alice? Can I call your mother for you?" He asked looking concerned. I took a slight glance of myself in the mini mirror he had on his desk and was shocked to see my face was as pale, crisp white like a ghost. No colour whatsoever.

"NO! No please, _please_ don't tell my mom Carlisle! Please I just can't...I can't..." I broke into tears. Carlisle got up from his desk and came round to put a comforting arm around me.

"Alice" He said calmly. "You have to tell your mother. No one can go through this on their own, you need the support. Your mom needs to know, this is too much for you to handle by yourself" He said softly. I knew he was right, but how could I tell her I had cancer? That there was a chance I could..._die_! How does anyone tell loved ones this?

"Are you...p-postitive it's not...that I'm not...pregnant?" I asked praying to god that I was. I would gladly take being pregnant with triplets, than have to have cancer. He sighed, a saddening sigh.

"I'm afraid not Alice. We did test for that too, but it's not that. I'm so sorry Alice" He said rubbing my back, not knowing what else to do.

"I...I just don't understand. I mean how can I...how?"

"How does anyone get cancer?" He started, sitting down again. "It's a total enigma, especially with Overian Cancer. I mean sometimes it can be due to inheriting genetic syndromes from your parents or just simply it just develops, particularly if your are..._sexually active_." He says, seeming to wince at the words. I guess he doesn't want to go to much into that! I mean sure I'm sexually active, like post people, but does that mean everyone's going to get cancer? "A lot of research has been done but it's not a hundred percent how Overian Cancer can be caused. The main thing is we've caught it in the early stages so there's no reason to panic right now, but you do need some support behind you. I mean as your doctor I can't go behind your back and tell your mother, but I _really_ urge you to do it Alice. Honestly you need your mom through this, and she'll be able to help you carry the weight of the problem, because she loves you so, _so_ much. I can be there to help you if you wish? And you know where I am if you need to talk"

"Thank you Carlisle" I said as he nodded and we said goodbye. He gave me his number and page number if I needed to talk to him about the problem any time, but all I wanted to do was get home and wallow in my self pity. There was _no_ way I could tell my mom! I just couldn't.

"Bella...what am I going to do?" I cried in Bella's arms. She was being surprisingly supportive. I knew she had changed her old ways, but it still didn't stop me from thinking she'd shoot me down.

"It's ok Alice" She comforted, stroking my hair. "You'll be ok. We'll get through this. If you want I'll come with you on Monday?" She asked. I sighed in a relief.

"That would be great" I said. "Thank you Bella!"

"Of course! Let me be here for you for once! But I do think you need to tell your mom. It's ok to leave telling Jasper right now, but your mom...Al you have to. I know you don't want to but she has to know. If you leave it, it'll only get worse! Remember you told me that?" I groaned. I was the one that told her that, and now she was telling me. She was right but it was just so hard.

"How can I though?"

"With my help! We'll do it together, tonight when she gets back. Believe me Alice she'll only want to be here for you, and you'll feel so much better for her knowing"

"Yeah..." I bemused, starting to panic at the thought of having to actually say those words to my mom. It was going to be hard, but at least I had Bella.

**Bella**

"How did it feel, when she told you?" Lucy, my counsellor whose name I actually could bare to say now, asked.

"Horrible. I wanted to cry obviously but I had to stay strong for her. I mean she was a nervous wreck telling her mom" I said remembering that Saturday night.

"Hey girls!" Esme said as she stepped through the door with a ton of bags in her hands and dumped them on the counter. She had such a bouncy smile on her face that I almost felt bad we were telling her now.

"Mom" Alice started to say, her face so pale I thought she might pass out. Her whole body was vibrating like crazy with nerves, as I tried to rest my hand on her shoulders to be comforting.

"Yes sweety?" She said turning to face us on the other side of the breakfast counter.

"Erm...well...there's no easy way to say this...but...erm...Bella can you help?" She turned to me, pleading for my help.

"Erm, well Alice went to the doctor during the week, and well the doctor did some tests yesterday and they er...well they found something" I said turning back to Alice. "Alice you have to tell her" I whispered.

"What is it? What's going on?" Esme encouraged, looking panicked. There was a long awkward silence before Alice took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak.

"I have cancer mom" She cried, with tears strolling down her face. "Overian cancer". The air went ice cold. It was bitter and awkward as Esme's once happy and cheerful face turned at every corner it could into the most doleful, tragically saddened expression. Her eyes weld up with tears as she glided over to her crying daughter and wrapped her arms around her so tightly, you could see the love beaming off of Esme like a bright light.

"It's ok" She whispered, hugging Alice tighter. "It'll be ok" I could see she was trying so hard not to break down herself. Suddenly she turned her face up to meet mine and forced a tiny smile.

"I'm sorry Bella sweety. Would you mind if me and Alice had some time? I need to speak to her alone if that's ok" She said, and I smiled back and nodded. Of course that was ok, it was a family matter after all.

"Did that upset you when she asked you to leave?" Lucy asked me.

"No! Of course not, I was happy to. She's her mom, they needed time alone. Her mom went with her to the hospital today as well" I said.

"Instead of you?"

"Yes but I think that's a good thing, because her mom is the best support she could need right now. I wouldn't be much help what with my problems right now!" I said truthfully. I really wasn't much help!

"Your helping enough just by showing her your there for her! It's real progress Bella. You absolutely did the right thing encouraging her to tell her mother. That's a _huge_ help for her!" She said smiling encourgingly. "And your right you do need to focus on yourself right now, but being there for your friends is ok too! So back to you, how have you been this week?"

"Erm...yeah" I said, not knowing how to put feeling like an empty, broken vase into words.

"Care to elaborate?" She pushed.

"I just kind of feel nothing right now. I mean apart from caring for my friend, and my dad and that I feel nothing in myself. I don't really know what that means!"

"That's normal for your condition, but we can work on that. Have you felt angry this week at all?"

"Yes, but I tried to keep it under control. My dad commented on me gaining weight, and it...well it pissed me off! But I managed to just walk away, and bite my tongue. It was _really_ difficult but I did my best"

"Well done! That's a great start. You start your anger management class tomorrow is that correct?"

"Yes I do" I bemused. Did I have to go to that blasted thing?

"That's good, it will help you much further so that you can control your anger, and avoid any more violent rages. I also want you to think about other classes that might help benefit you. I know someone whose starting a ballet course for people who have issues with anger. Do you know what ballerina's have?"

"Eating disorders?" I joked. She burst into laughter.

"No Bella! Well...maybe but that's not the point. Ballerina's have a lot of grace and poise, and they learn to control their bodies and emotions. It could be very good for you. It won't be strenuous, it's just basic ballet, and it has been known to play a positive influence in people who have issues with anger. I'm also suggesting a yoga class or perhaps chi-ball, things that are calm and peaceful. What do you think?" Was she being serious?! Me...ballet...I don't _think_ so. She noted my disgusted expression and grinned. "Well how about we just start with the anger management, and we can discuss other classes at a later date" She suggested, and I nodded hoping secretly the subject never came up again. "What about Edward?" She asked, filling me with that rush of sadness again. Every time I heard his name...it killed me. "Take your time" She said noting my expression.

"It's just hard to talk about him. It hurts. I haven't seen him for...almost 2 months! It's hard because I miss him, but at the same time I know it's probably best I don't see him. People just won't tell me what's going on though!"

"It must be hard for you" She said looking sympathetic. She was right, it was hard. I didn't know what was going on with him. No one told me anything. All I had were my thoughts of what he was doing with himself, and how he was dealing with it. Was he ok?

**Jasper**

Why is it than whenever your life starts going well, something happens to make it go up in smoke! Can nothing just go right for once? Does everything good have something bad to follow? Me and my mother sat silently in the cold, dull, grey shelter room they'd given us until the police could track down dad. My mom was too frightened to stay in our home, and I didn't want to live at Esme's nor did we want to live in their spare house, so we were stuck in a shelter house for domestic violence sufferer's. They didn't usually allow any men into the shelter, apart from little kid boys, but because I was under the age of 18 they made allowances, as long as I behaved myself. I mean what exactly could I do? I didn't have a violent bone in my body. I couldn't even stick up for myself or my own _mother_ in a fight let alone instigate a fight. I was weak and pathetic and wish I could have been more of a son for my mom. Jamie would of protected her for sure. It should be me in the grave not him!

"If you need anything, extra blankets, drinks etc let me know" The kind lady who owned the shelter said, and then she shut our door, as my mom went to lock it. The rooms here were depressing. Concrete, grey walls and floors, simple beds...it reminded me of our home before Alice and Esme intervened.

"I'm going to bed" My mom said, her face pulled down as far as gravity could push it down. She was so depressed and it almost looked like she was disappointed with me. I nodded and lay down on my bed, hunching my knees up to my stomach like I used to do when the pain inside of me got too much to bare. The funny thing was, as bad as this was it was about to get _so_ much worse.

On the following Tuesday it hit me that I hadn't heard from Alice since Thursday. I didn't even know how the hospital had gone on the Friday, but she hadn't contacted me so I assumed it was ok. I didn't feel able to talk to her right now, but today...I kind of didn't have a choice. I was sat reading an old battered copy of 'The outsiders', really relating to the character or Johnny when out of know where we got a knock at the door. My mom was fast asleep, snoring away, as she had been pretty much all day and night since we got here. I reluctantly peeled myself off of the bed and opened the door to find Esme standing there, looking a little awkward with her fake smile. _Great_, I thought, she's trying to fake being positive about the crummy situation, that's all I need!

"Hey Esme" I said, my tone a little deflated.

"Hello Jasper" She said fiddling with her hands in front of her. "Erm are you busy at the moment?" She asked delicately peeking into the room and wincing slightly.

"No, I was just reading. Why?"

"Well er...Alice really needs to talk to you, but she has to stay home. Can I...well would you mind coming round? I'll give you a lift" She said, biting her lip in a hope I'd say yes. I thought about that for a moment. Alice needed me. I needed Alice. But right now I needed to be alone, and wallow until I really needed someone.

"I'm not much good company right now" I said hoping she'd accept that gracefully and go back home.

"That's ok Jasper, it is kind of important. I'll give you a ride back if you'd like?" She pushed. I guess by her tone she wasn't going to leave it until I caved.

"All right but I'm seriously not good company"

"Don't worry, neither is my daughter but she really wants to talk to you" I nodded and followed as she drove us from the depressing dump to her gigantic mansion. Neither of us spoke, I guessed Esme had a lot on her mind right now, as did I.

"She's upstairs in her room" Esme said to me as we entered the house, and then Esme seemed to wander off into the kitchen, not her usual bouncy self. What was going on?

I found Alice in her room, sat on her bed, her face just as much distraught as my mom's.

"Hey Al" I said gliding over to where she was sat, and propping down on the edge of the bed. She didn't look up at me, and the closer I got I could see she'd been crying, because her face was all puffy. "What's going on?" She sniffed a little and then looked up at me.

"It's bad Jasper" was all she said, looking as if she was about to cry again.

"What's bad? What's going on?" I was starting to get worried now.

"I'm sick Jasper"

"Sick how?"

"You know I went to the doctor's right?"

"Of course"

"Because I was having trouble with my periods and sickness and that?" Oh god, oh no, please don't tell me she's pregnant! "Well I had some tests done and...well...it's bad! I'm...I'm...I'm dying" Oh god, oh no, please tell me she's pregnant. Anything but this! "I've got cancer. Overian cancer" She said tearing up again. I looked away to the floor. Cancer? Alice dying? How can this be! How can this be happening! Wasn't it enough with the family problems, and now I had a girlfriend who I loved who was dying of cancer? How is this fair! I could feel my blood starting to boil. "Say something" Alice encouraged, seeming to get a little angry at me when I didn't respond.

"I don't know what to say. I mean...how!"

"Nobody knows how you get cancer Jasper. It can just happen. My mom says it isn't hereditary in our family, so I guess it just developed. Who the fuck cares how it did though Jasper, I've got it! I had more tests done yesterday, and they come back in a week, but the doctor says its very, very likely that it isn't in the early stages Doctor Carlisle had thought it was!" She said moving closer to me. "Jasper...will you hold me?" She begged crying. And then I did something unforgivable. Something uncalled for but I just couldn't handle the situation. I stood up with force and turned to her, so angry, not at her but at god for letting this happen.

"I can't handle this Alice...I'm sorry" I said, barely breathing properly, and running out of her room and house leaving behind the love of my life who was distraught and needed my help. I told Esme I wasn't good company. I just wasn't good for anyone, not my mother, not Alice. I was a mess, and a _bad _person, so I just kept running and running hoping that if I ran far enough the problems I had would get left behind. I got as far as the Forks state line, and found myself wandering around. It took two days to get into main Washington, homeless and alone. Just what I needed right now. Time alone.


	24. Chapter 24

**(Author's note: another emotional chapter. I've added a little part from Esme's perspective so hope you don't mind :) please don't forget to review, reviews make Edward come back :D)**

**Bella**

Another 3 months passed by, and still no word from Edward. Carlisle and Esme seemed to dodge the question, and it all seemed to not matter once Alice got _very_ ill. It all started right after Jasper had run off. No body could understand why he had, or how he could of done that to Alice considering the circumstances.

***3 months ago***

"Bella can you please come round. Alice is in a bit of a state. I'm sorry, I know you have a lot on but she's screaming for you" Esme asked, with such agony in her voice. "I really am sorry to bring you into this, but...Jasper's left her"

"What?" I exclaimed down the phone, as if I'd misunderstood what she'd said.

"Jasper...he left. Ran off. His mother doesn't even know where he is. Alice told him about the..._cancer_, a couple of days ago, and he just ran off. I'm just at a loss here. Could you come round?" She asked again, with hope in her voice. I couldn't possibly say no, my best friend needed me, so I dashed from the house and left my father in a daze.

"Come in" Esme said to me as I stood breathless at her door. It had taken me all but 4 minutes to rush round, almost running someone over in the process. I was not calm at all.

"Where is she? In her room?" I asked, panicked.

"Yes. She's _very_ delicate" Esme warned, her face looking very pale than usual, and exhausted. I nodded and ran up the stairs to find Alice hunched up on the bed, crying hysterically. Her face was blotched red and white colours, her hair had turned to straw, and she looked so frail it worried me. I ran over and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into my lap.

"Shhh" I comforted, rubbing circles into her back. "It'll be all right Alice. I'm here now" I whispered gently. She cried in my arms for hours before finally she calmed a little and sat to talk.

"He left Bella" She cried, tears still falling from her pained, red eyes.

"I know. It'll be ok, I promise" I comforted again, not really knowing what else to say. I couldn't believe Jasper could do such a thing, especially in her condition.

"I told him I had _cancer_ and he just left. Just like that" She said making hand gestures to emphasise her point. "Like he didn't care, like I was some _freak _he couldn't stand to be near! I mean I would understand if I was pregnant or something, but I'm not. Bella what do I do? I _love_ him, I-I can't do this without him" She cried, bursting into tears again. I held her as she cried until finally she fell asleep, too exhausted to stay awake any longer. I made my way downstairs to see how Esme was doing. She seemed just as distraught as Alice.

"She's asleep" I said, glancing at the time. It was 9pm. Had I really been here that long?

"Oh good" She said, sighing in relief but still pretending to stare at the television. "I can't believe Jasper left her like that. I mean I understand the boy has problems, of course it's natural that this would just be another load to his already growing weight, but I mean...how could he _actually_ just run away like that?! And leave his mom as well. What is going on in these men's heads" She exclaimed shaking her head. I smiled slightly, agreeing with her. Her statement made me think of Edward, and how he had completely disappeared off the radar. What really was going through these boys heads?

**Jasper**

***2 months ago***

I couldn't believe it had been over a month since the day I left Alice in the lurch. I'd beaten myself up every day since I left, but how could I stay, when I'd only make it worse for her. I wasn't good enough for her right now, and she needed people who were strong. I'd ended up reaching the outskirts of California, shipping from hostel to hostel. Some nights there weren't any free places where I could stay, so I found myself sleeping on hard, cold concrete in empty train stations, tube stations, bus shelters, parks and even shop doorways. It wasn't the best way of living, that was for sure, but something about it was refreshing and revitalising. All the money I had withdrawn from my bank account I'd kept to spend just on food, water and sometimes train tickets, depending on whether I felt able to walk. I picked up a book on my travels, 'Underground to Canada', something I had wanted to read but never could quite found the time. It was a sad story, about slavery and dreaming of being free. The two kids, Julilly and Liza dream of being free, and the workers from the underground Rail road offer them escape. They follow the North Star, in hope of finding Canada, a place where the law bans slavery, and where they can finally be free. It was a good book, and even though the ending was happy it still wasn't in a way. I read it over and over and had even decided myself to keep following the north star until I found whatever I was looking for. It was the only direction I wanted to take. And so 3 months later, $40 left in my pocket, and nowhere else to go but north I finally gave up. It was pointless to carry on when the destination I was aiming for, clearly didn't exist. It was like when I was a kid and we went to the park where I was _adamant_ I would find a secret garden, just like the movie, but I never did because it was just a fantasy in my mind that could never be satisfied. Like trying to find the end of a rainbow. Impossible. What was I looking for? A life perhaps. One better than my sorry excuse of one. And then it hit me, how selfish I was being. In the book Julilly and Liza _have_ to run away, because life for them is awful and unfair. Who wants to live a life as a slave, especially back then when it was harsh and cruel, and here I was moaning about my life. When have I ever had to live as a slave? And Bella, who had been raped and then abandoned by her mother as a child, who had started to turn her life around. When had I ever been raped and trampled on by my own mother? Emmett who had lost the love of his life, and not only that to learn she had lost their unknown baby, was now trapped in a mental institution for trying to end his own life. When had I ever lost anything and anyone that way? ALICE who had been the best thing ever to happen for me, who had been there for me through thick and thin, and had helped my family more than I could ever thank her for. She'd been my rock, and _then..._the instant she needs my help for once, because she has a serious illness which she could _die_ from, what did I go and do? I did the worst thing possible to her, because I felt like _I_ couldn't handle it, when really she was going through much worse. How could I do that? I was a useless waste of space. A user. I used her when I needed help, and left her when she needed it. It was clear now what I had to do, to ensure I couldn't _ever_ hurt her or anyone else again!

**Esme**

***1 month ago***

Alice just kept getting increasingly worse as the days dragged on. Her face deteriorating as if we were all watching some science video on fast-forward, showing a person age from a teenager to an old, dying lady. All due to the _wondrous_ effects from Chemotherapy, radiation and also the burning fact the boy she was in love with left her with no word or reason, and vanished into thin air. It was heartbreaking. My own daughter. All I wanted to do was to switch places with her, and have the cancer myself. She was barely 18, how was that fair when I was so healthy?

"It's natural for you to be feeling this way Esme. She's your daughter, you only want what's best for her. But It's not your fault, you know that right?" Carlisle said holding my hand, as we spent the evening at our usual romantic spot, enclosed in the corner of our favourite restaurant. Bella and Bella's father Charlie were looking after Alice, but I couldn't help feel guilty for leaving Alice, even for just an hour or two.

"I know it isn't, but Carlisle I feel so helpless. I mean what do I do? I'm trying so hard to stay strong for her, and support her but I just feel like I'm about to have a nervous breakdown. How do you cope? With your sons I mean" I asked, watching as his face fell slightly.

"It's _sure_ not easy. I'm at a loss as to what to do myself for them. Edward keeps in touch, every now and again, but I can't help but be concerned. He's doing the right thing though, I know he is. But then Emmett...doctor's tell me he takes his meds and eats his food when he's told, no trouble, but that he just breezes by as if he were an empty pill capsule. What does a father do? I feel as though I've failed them" He said, looking to the ground as though he were ashamed. I squeezed his hand with mine, feeling slightly comforted that I wasn't the only one struggling to do the best for my child.

"Your a wonderful father. They will find their way, just keep doing what your doing, it's all you can do" I encouraged, suddenly remembering Alice needed to take another dose of her medicine round about now, and beginning to panic. "Oh no! I have to get back, Alice needs her medication. I'm sorry Carlisle" As I jumped up from my seat and readied myself to dash a marathon back home, Carlisle was quick to grab my arm.

"Don't leave Esme" He begged, his eyes so pleading it was hard to me to breath just looking into them.

"Carlisle I have to, Alice..." I started before he interrupted.

"Call Charlie, they can make sure she takes it. Esme you _need_ a break, you've been working too hard. You'll end up ill sweety, _please_ just stay here. There's..._something_....I wanted to talk to you about" I thought for a second and agreed, pulling out my cell and calling Charlie.

"Of course I'll make sure she gets the meds right away" Charlie promised me. I thanked him gratefully and turned back to Carlisle who looked so serious, it almost worried me.

"What's going on?" I asked, curious as to what he wanted to talk to me about. And then...he pulled out a small tiny box, and my heart melted. "Oh Carlisle" I exclaimed, my heart banging like crazy ready to burst.

"Esme...we've been together for a very long time now, and I love you! I never thought I could feel this way about anyone again, after Elizabeth died. But then you came along, melted my heart and all I want to do is spend every single waking day by your side. I know it's a _terrible_ time, but I think it would be a good thing if we came together, and help each other through it all. So..." He said with the sultriest of smiles on his face. He pushed the little box over to me where I gripped it smiling back, and slowly lifted to box to reveal something I didn't quite expect.

"It's a key" I said, as my smile fell slightly at the sight of a small key instead of a ring.

"Yes" He said grinning wildly. "I'd like you to move in with me. Or if you'd like we could move in with you, it's your choice. I wouldn't want to take your beautiful home away from you. But I would _love_ it if we could have a home..._together_" He said, shooting sparks throughout my body again. I smiled up at him.

"Of course I would love to live with you!" I said, taking hold of his hand again.

"You look disappointed?" He grinned again.

"No! No not at all! I'm happy" I encouraged, smiling genuinely. Perhaps marriage wasn't quite right, right now giving the circumstances. He laughed a little, as I frowned, confused.

"Lift the foam up" He said, further causing me more confusion. But I did as he said, and lifted the foam from the bottom to reveal what I had expected just before. A glimmering, gorgeous, golden shiny ring, with the most _gorgeous_ oval diamond stuck to the top of it. My heart stopped, as I pressed my hand against my chest in complete shock. But before I could even look up at Carlisle he was right beside me in and instant, down on one knee.

"Marry me Esme" He said, sending a thousand bolts of thrill throughout me. And all of a sudden, my life actually felt like it was the most amazing thing in the world. All because of one question. Or _two_ questions, more like.

**Bella**

***present day***

Just as the month started to get better, it all went downhill _once_ again. After Esme got engaged, we all felt a little piece of happiness, throughout this awful time. I was doing well in my classes again, even taking up Lucy's offer to start Ballet, and I even managed to convince Alice to come with me. We quit school, together, fed up of the place when both of us had dreams that didn't need a completed high school diploma! Alice stopped crying every day, and seemed to be getting over Jasper. And that's when the bomb went off. The bomb we'd all been hoping to avoid.

"Alice's cancer has spread. Were looking at stage 4 cervical cancer now, which is the highest stage for cancer sufferer's. I'm so sorry but it looks as though she doesn't have very long to live" The doctor said. Carlisle had referred Alice to a specialist doctor, female, who was very efficient and good to Alice.

"How long?" Esme asked, icy tears falling from her eyes.

"2 maybe 3 months. It's hard to know but it could be less, it could be more, depending on how Alice's body reacts. I am very sorry" She said, with such sympathy in her face. We all nodded, and fell into the black hole that had been waiting for us. Alice's cancer had gone from mild to fatal, and nobody could understand why. We all turned to look at the girl who was rotting away in front of us. Esme's only, beautiful, sweet daughter whom she loved more than life itself. Carlisle's new daughter in law, who he also cared a lot about, and wanted nothing more than to see her improve. _My_ best friend, my only true friend, who was more like an amazing sister, who had done _so_ much for me and helped me on my way to getting better. Had it not been for her I would probably be still heavily addicted to drugs, screwing up peoples lives and not giving a damn about my life and self-respect. I couldn't possibly imagine loosing her. She was like the angel in every bodies life, their star on the top of their Christmas tree, the one person who deserved happiness over all of us! And she had months to live. _Months_!

I left them all gracefully, hugging Alice goodbye, as Esme just wanted to be alone with her daughter. Truth be known I couldn't stay there any longer, I couldn't let Alice see what I was about to do. I ran for ages, falling over my feet as I did. The speed was too fast for my legs to handle but I couldn't slow down, as my chest tightened and burned at the lack of breath it was receiving. It took me a while to realise where I was running to, as I found myself at the small meadow I had once sat in with Edward, Emmett and Rosalie getting high and screwing like rabbits. I stopped in the middle of it, catching up with my breathing before I fell to the ground. The meadow wasn't as beautiful as it once had been. The juicy green grass had dried up and turned to yellow, like a corn field. The flowers had died, and even the trees lacked any bounce or beauty. Like it had been abandoned. It took me a while to realise the tears that were falling fast from my eyes to the ground. My hearing had impaired, and all I could hear was a humming sound mixed in with the screaming that was exiting my mouth. _This_ was exactly what I didn't want Alice to see. It was the breakdown I had been waiting for, the final straw to break in my sorrowful life, and I just couldn't hold on and be strong any more. Not on my own. I'd already lost one friend, how could I _bare_ to loose Alice as well, and in the same year! I couldn't, it was just to much. And then as the screaming got louder and louder I realised exactly what or who I was screaming for.

"EEEEEEEDWARD! EDWARD I NEED YOU! COME BACK PLEEEEEEEEEASE" I yelled, hysterically crying in between. I screamed his name over and over hoping and praying that wherever he was he'd hear me. I needed him, more than ever. It had been too long, and he was the only one who could hold me and make me feel even a shred of happiness. I knew that my screams wouldn't reach him though, and after a while I gave up, falling to the ground and crunching my knees into my chest, still crying. I felt cold and empty and I couldn't bare to breath any longer.

After a couple of hours shivering and crying in the meadow, someone found me and threatened to call the cops unless I left. I dragged my heavy feet back home, not even noticing that my father hadn't come home yet. I went to my room, to cry some more on my bed, and then hopefully fall into a deep sleep. As I dumped my bag on the bed, and prepared to fall down onto it, a moving shadow behind me frightened the life out of me. I screaming, spinning round to see who it was. It took me a while to recognise the mystery figure, lurking in my room in the shadows, but when I did, I truly didn't know what to think or feel.

"Edward?" I said, staring at his darkened features staring back at me.

"Hello Bella" He said.


	25. Chapter 25

**(Author's note: YAY Edwards back :) this chapter is completely just Edward. Enjoy, and I hope it's not too rushed at the end. It's only because there was so much to write I had to edit, but it's good non the less. Don't forget to review, reviews make Edward happy again :))**

**Edward**

The last 5 months had been the worst of my sorry excuse for a pitiful life! I'd been trying to follow Emmett's advice, to find myself again. But after years of being used to one way of living, it wasn't easy trying to find the person I _used_ to be. Especially without _her_.

***5 months ago***

"Where have you been?" Carlisle drilled me as I got back from seeing Emmett.

"Out" I answered bluntly, with a certain sting to my voice.

"_Where_" He pushed, his voice serious warning me not to mess with him.

"I went to see Emmett, if you _must _know!" He sighed, rubbing his furrowed brow.

"Edward...you can't carry on this way, I can't do it any more. I just refuse to sit around and allow you to live this way. It's enough now, I have to intervene before you end up like your brother!"

"Dad...I'm _not_ going to kill myself!"

"How do I know that? You go out all night, you mop in bed all day, doing nothing but laze around, you continue to take drugs, and _don't_ even try to deny it, I found your stash of _pot_ the other day whilst attempting to clean that rubbish bin on yours! Is this all you want for your life? To stay in bed all day, get drunk, take drugs until the day you die? Is that how you want to be remembered? It's surely _not_ how me and your _mother_, god rest her soul, brought you up to be, and I will not stand by and watch you keep falling into this black hole you've built yourself" I laughed at his words, spitting on them and their filth.

"How the FUCK can you say that to me after _everything_ you've done!"

"Excuse me?" He said taken aback.

"You know what the fuck I'm talking about, don't even pretend you don't know"

"Edward I have no idea, what is going on?"

"You stand there and give me the same old boring lecture, like it matters, like _you_ ever cared. You _ignored_ me and Emmett after mom died. We were in just as much pain as you _Carlisle_ and yet you just left us to deal with it ourselves. Our you surprised we turned to drugs? We had no one else, no support. And you wouldn't even let us talk about her! I didn't know how to cope without her, she was everything to me, and Emmett. Emmett was the only person I had to talk to, and even he couldn't bare to hear her name after a while. What exactly do you expect from me? I mean seriously! And _especially_ how you _lied_ to me all these years!"

"What...? How _exactly_ have I lied to you?"

"Emmett told me, just before I left talking to him. He gave me the letter. The one you've been hiding from us all these years, and thought we'd never find. Unlucky for you Emmett did. Why didn't you tell me you weren't my real father?" And just like this his face fell.

"Edward...I wanted to protect you. You've always been _my_ son, in my heart you always will be" I huffed at his remark. Who did he think he was fooling?

"A father doesn't _lie_ to his son. A father doesn't _abandon _his son!"

"Edward I never abandoned you, _ever_! I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you and Emmett when I should have been, but I'd just lost the love of my life! You don't think it killed me when she died? And I had _no one_ to talk to, not even a brother! I tried to stay strong for you boys, because you were both so young, and I couldn't forgive myself if I had a complete breakdown in front of you both! I guess that came of as seeming distant and like I didn't care, but Edward...I did! I _love_ you both _so_, so much, it _kills_ me to look at you both and see how badly your both deteriorating. It literally rips my heart out. When would of there been a good time to tell you the truth? I planned to tell you after your sixteenth birthday, but that was when I found out just how _bad_ of a lifestyle you and Emmett had chosen. I had to focus on trying to get you out of that world, and bring you here and everything just got pushed to the back of the pile! But I'm telling you now, I didn't lie to you or hide it on purpose. I only found out myself after she had died" He went on, real hurt and sorrow in his words.

"So who is my real father anyway?" I asked after what seemed like hours arguing back and forth, until finally we came to a calm understanding.

"Someone from the upper east side. Just after Emmett was born, I did something...unforgivable. I was so young, still a child myself. 19 years old and a father...I couldn't handle it. Me and your mother had only been dating for just under a year, and then bam along comes this baby and I couldn't cope. 2 months after Emmett had been born I ran off to Italy, to...soul search as they call it. I didn't come back for 5 months and by then your mother had met someone else. Through her heartbreak over me, she fell into the arms of the worst upper east side scumbag there was. Edward Masen SR. He was the most...unspeakable, atrocious human being that ever walked the planet. Luckily I managed to win her back, just in time to stop her from engaging in a...date rape of sorts that he'd set up, in a room with a video camera and plenty of his jerk off buddies! As much as I loved your mother, she could be naïve at times, but I loved her more than words could say. So of course when she said she was pregnant again, I was ready for the challenge. I had already gotten close to Emmett, who seemed to be taking to me again, despite my..._disappearance_, and then when you came along, I really did feel like a father again. I've never loved two people _more_ than I loved you and Emmett, you made my life complete, as cheesy as that sounds. My life was reckless and stupid before I met your mother, and I thank god every day that I have you both as my sons, because to be honest, I don't know what my life would have been if I hadn't. I am sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but timing is everything, and this situation is delicate. I never wanted you to feel as though you meant less to me than Emmett, because you don't. Please don't walk out on your family right now Edward, Emmett and I need you. I only want what's best for you" I took in what he said. He had tears in his eyes as he spoke. I guess he was telling me the truth, but even so something didn't feel right. But nothing could prepare me for what I was about to say.

"I want to meet my real father" I said, avoiding Carlisle's saddened face.

***4 months ago***

I couldn't quite believe I was standing here right now, in the middle of New York, the town I had once lived in and thrown my life to the wolves. As reluctant as Carlisle was to give me _his_ address, he agreed, keeping silent and told me to stay safe, and keep out of trouble. I needed to do this though, for me if not any thing else. So here I stood, facing the most over the top apartment block I'd ever laid my eyes on. Something about the upper east side made me sick to my stomach, it just felt too...gossip girl for my taste! I sighed and entered the building non the less. I told the concierge who I was looking for and they sent me up in the private elevator all the way to the top floor. The penthouse suit, _figures_.

***3 months ago***

"Edward, I don't understand what your doing here. I never even knew you existed, and to be perfectly honest I'm glad I didn't. I was reckless back then, and stupid, Carlisle was much better suited for your mother. And it looks as though you've been brought up well. Had I been in your life instead of him...well I'm sure it'd be a completely different story" Eddie said. He had told me to call him Eddie instead, to avoid confusion. His voice was near but perfect. Every word, every letter spoke to perfection, and his manner was very proper. When I'd first arrived, things had been awkward. We spoke little, he asked about my mother, to which I told him she had died. He didn't seem affected by that. He told me he had a family of his own, two sons, three daughters, two of them from a different marriage, but non the less he saw them all frequently. His wife was a former model, turned committee member at some business or whatever that I didn't care to remember the name of. Suffice to say it had been pretty...uncomfortable, and up until now we hadn't really talked about any thing serious.

"I heard you were a bit of a..._bad_ egg" I said grinning slightly. He grinned back and took a sip of his very posh tea.

"I was. But that still doesn't explain why your here? And where exactly are you staying?"

"Why I'm here I can't really answer. But my da..._Carlisle_ got me a place at a hotel in Brooklyn" He turned his face up at the very mention of the place.

"Well we have a guest room here if you'd like to stay? My wife knows your here, I can't say she's happy about it but she will be ok with you"

"No that's ok. Thank you though" I said, feeling awkward. "So hows work?" I asked, biting my tongue.

"Very good. I told you that I owned my own company didn't I?"

"Yes you did. Seems like you've done all right for yourself."

"Yes I have. I have my wife to thank for that. She showed me the error of my ways, put me in my place, and I guess I decided it was time to grow up and be a real man. I've stayed on the straight and narrow since then. 8 years to be exact. Built up my business skills along the way, made a few contacts, now I own my own company. It's great" He beamed. I half smiled back at him, feeling as though I was talking to some stranger, _not_ my actual father. Looking more closely at him, his features were similar to mine. It had always made me wonder why me and Emmett didn't look similar, I guess now I understood. "So what are you doing with yourself? You still at school?"

"Er kind of. Well I dropped out. Wasn't for me. Don't really know what I want to do" He looked at me with a quizzical brow, pushing for more answers.

"So do you have a job then?"

"No"

"Ah...so if you don't mind me asking, how did you afford to come out here? You do live in..._Washington_ don't you?"

"Yes I do. Er...well Carlisle is kind of a doctor, so I have a small trust fund. I kind of live of that" By the look of his face I could tell he was somewhat disappointed by that. Even I felt ashamed. Saying it out loud really put it in perspective. What kind of life was I living?

"You must have some idea at what you want to do? I'm sure you can't live of your _father_ for the rest of your life?" If I didn't feel insecure and awkward right now, I'd probably punch his lights out. But he was right, and I knew it, and there was no way I wanted to start off on a bad point with him. No matter what his past, he was different now. Or so I thought.

***2 months ago***

I'd started to settle down in the hustle and bustle of daily life in the mad city of New York. Me and my dad were getting on well. He showed me around his company, and tried to educate me in case I might be persuaded to go into business, like him. I listened, politely, but it didn't really interest me much. I met his kids, who were good with me too. All of them were very proper and well kept, like the perfect kids, it made me feel in superior being next to them since my life wasn't so pure and innocent. His wife was more cold with me, but faked being as nice as she could. She was stunning, and again very proper. They seemed really in love with each other. I'd even met a girl while I was there. One of my dad's daughters friend, whom I didn't bother to learn the name of. She was average, not at pretty as Bella, but since Bella didn't want me, and I had gone so long without sex I couldn't help myself. One day she decided to stop by my hotel.

"Hey gorgeous" She smirked, locking the door behind her and pushing me onto the bed. "Fancy a rumble?" She climbed on top of me, straddling my waist, and pulled of her shirt to reveal her rather small tits, that didn't really do much for my dick. I fucked her any ways, and as far as sex went it was fine, serviced me enough to make me cum. She swallowed it and licked her lips like it was the best sex she'd ever had, and then I didn't see her again. Thank goodness!

***1 month ago***

"Your quite sweet, do you know that" My dad's wife said smiling and pinching my cheek like a mother did to a child. It reminded me of how Carlisle used to pat my head when I was little.

"Thanks. Where's _dad_?"

"At the office. Hey by the way feel free to move into the guest room. I hate to think of you in that _despicable_ place in _Brooklyn. _Ugh that place is awful!"

"It's ok" I laughed, really not seeing the difference other than money.

"Ok sweety. Dinner at six then, see you there" She smiled gliding of in the way she did, as though she were floating. It was mesmerising, I could see why he'd fallen for her.

I decided to surprise my dad at his office with lunch. It was great, being here, it really felt like I'd found a place I loved. It was different for me, the change I needed, and I was really starting to like Eddie. He seemed like a stand up guy.

"He's in a meeting right now" His snotty secretary said as I entered his building.

"That's ok I'll just leave this in his office" I said, grinning, and ignoring her protests. As I pushed open the door to his office I found him and some young girl, who looked no older than 20 in a very questionable position on his desk. Her skirt was ridden up, bunched around her hips, and her legs wrapped around his waste. Judging by how far his tongue was down her throat, it didn't look like a meeting to me.

"I'm sorry...I..." I said awkwardly, slamming the door shut behind me and running as far as I could back to my hotel. How could he cheat on his family? His wonderful family, who adored him and who he had made out to be the best thing in his life. It made me feel sick to my stomach, and as though I'd been let down so badly.

"Edward!" He shouted, running out of the building after me.

"It's ok you don't have to explain, I understand _fully_!" He laughed at me then. I was starting to see the side that Carlisle had warned me about.

"Edward" He started with a condescending tone. "Come on! Your a man...you know the score!"

"But I thought you loved your wife?"

"I do! More than anything. It pleases me to know that I have my family to come home to. But...a man has needs. I'm not perfect, I never was. I'm sorry you had to find out like this...but it was bound to come around at some point. Listen...I don't know much about this-_Carlisle_ guy but it sounds to me like he's very decent, and he loves you. It's been very nice having you here Edward, but I don't know what you want from me. I can't _be_ your dad. I may be your biological blood relation, but that doesn't make me your father. I never knew about you, and I'm sorry about that but it's all worked out for the best. I may have pulled myself together over the years, and I may not indulge in drug taking and filming girls having sex with my friends whilst their under the influence any longer, but you can't change who you are, what your used to especially after a long time. I was born this way, and a part of me will always be a bad boy, but you...your not a bad boy at all, and I don't see why you want to pretend to be. Don't make the same mistakes I did. I should of seen the error of my ways long ago, if I but had a father like yours-gee I might be fully angelic, but truth be known I didn't. You have a fantastic father who loves you, you had a wonderful mother who would only want the best for you, and you have your life...but it's not here. You have to stop running Edward. There's only so long you can run away from yourself before it catches up to you, and then there's not a hope in hells chance of you ever regaining who you used to be. You say you used to play music? But you stopped when your mother died. You should take it up again, and see if that is the path that is meant for you. Find your thing, what makes you happy, what _you_ are passionate about. Whatever it is. If you need any money, I can help, but as far as being your dad...I can't help you. I barely do a good job with my own, that's all my wife's doing. Sorry Edward" He said, genuinely looking sorry but I could finally see. He was emotionless, like a stone wall. Yes he probably did care about his wife and kids but I'd doubt he'd cry at their funeral, and he clearly couldn't stay faithful to his wife. I didn't say anything more to him as he swanned off back to fucking his 20 year old whore, leaving me feeling empty and confused. How could I of been so stupid? I trusted someone I had been warned about, by one of the most trustworthy man I'd ever known. But I wanted to believe the other life, with my biological dad, would be good for me somehow. That I'd get here and realise that _this_ was were I belonged. But all along, even though I thought I was happy, it just didn't fit. It was like trying to put together two magnets. They would never stay together. I knew now what I had to do. I had to go back and pull together whatever life I could for myself, with my real family, my _real_ dad. Eddie would never and could never replace Carlisle. Carlisle had done so, _so_ much for me...and Emmett, and he _did_ actually love us. He loved me. And I did love him, even if I had tried to push him away, I couldn't do that any more. And now all I wanted to do was to go back home. But first...

"You saw them...in his office?" Eddies wife asked me as I decided she deserved to know the truth before I left.

"I did. I'm so sorry, but he didn't deny it. Well...you couldn't deny that..." She looked close to fainting. But non the less she thanked me, apologised for him, and hugged me goodbye.

"Your a lovely person Edward. You have a good heart. I hope the girl you decide to give it to you, deserves it. Your a rare breed" She complimented before I left. I smiled after her. Eddie really didn't deserve her what so ever!

***Present day***

I finally made it home, closing my eyes and breathing in the fresh air or Forks. It may be a small town, and it might be considered boring, but it was and always would be my _home_.

"CARLISLE?" I called as I entered my house, so happy to finally be were I knew I belonged.

"SON!" He exclaimed, his face lifting into happiness as he saw me. He ran over to me and pulled me into a bear hug. I laughed, and allowed him to squeeze all the breath out of me, hugging him back.

"I love you dad. _You_ are my father!" I said as he pulled me back. His face brightened even more.

"I love you too son. But I must say you look far too thin. Come on let me cook you some dinner. We have a lot to catch up on" And I agreed, smiling and following him to the kitchen.

"Well I'm glad you gave that..._jerk_ what he deserved! That poor wife of his, she must be devastated! You did the right thing though, and I'm sorry he wasn't what you expected"

"I know, but it was good for me. It made me appreciate what I had back home, and how lucky I've been to have two amazing parents. Thank you Carlisle...for everything! And I'm so sorry for hurting you all these years. But I promise you this, it stops...today! No more drugs, no more reckless behaviour. I want to get clean" I said, really meaning every word.

"That's great to hear son, it really is. And I'll help you...however I can! I'm so happy to have you back" He beamed, as we both picked at the stir fry he'd made.

"Thanks dad... So...what's been going on since I've been gone?" And then all of a sudden...his face fell.

So here I was, standing in _her_ room, my heart pounding. I didn't know exactly how she'd react to me being here, but I had to see her. After everything Carlisle had told me...I had to know she was all right, before I left her be. But then she crashed through her bedroom door, and my heart stopped. How I'd missed her face. She was even more beautiful than I'd remembered. My memory hadn't done her justice whatsoever. How could I let her get away? I loved her. Truly.

"Edward?" She said, in complete shock as she discovered I was in her room.

"Hello Bella" And I smiled. She was truly gorgeous.


	26. Chapter 26

**(Author's note: A little emotional this chapter. I did cry writing a little of it :( might need to get your tissues handy. Hope you like it, almost coming to an end now. Don't forget to review :D xx)**

**Bella**

I couldn't quite believe my fate. There I had been, just moments before, screaming his name over and over in the meadow, crying hysterically for him. I never expected to come home and find him hovering around my room, like some creepy, stalker. But I didn't care how or why he was there, I'd lost all reason as I looked deep into those beautiful eyes of his. Never before had I ever been able to get lost in a persons eyes, the way I could when I looked into his. All of a sudden I felt a rush of joy and exhilaration rush through my body, like a fever. And then, without another word from either of us my body just moved and dove into his arms. It was like someone else had control over my body as I sobbed into his chest, and clutched to him so tightly, never wanting to ever let go again. He froze for a second, not knowing what to do, but then I felt his hand slide up my spine and into my hair, as the other clutched at my lower back. He lent his head down to rest in my hair, kissing my head, and smelling my scent.

"Edward...I...I'm..."

"I know" He said gently as though he could read my mind. "You don't have to say anything. I'm here now, I'm not going anywhere"

"I didn't mean what I said" I said pulling back slightly and lifting my head to face his gaze. "I just needed time...but it's been so hard without you. And now...A-A-Alice...Edward I need you" I begged crying into his chest again.

"Shhh" He whispered into my ear, rubbing circles into my back with his thumbs. It felt so good having his touch on my skin and body. I fitted perfectly into his chest, it was as though we were two halves of a heart put back together. "It's going to be ok" And somehow I knew he was right.

**Alice**

I couldn't stand another day living. Every single bone in my body ached and pained as though someone had tied strings around all the nerves and constantly tugged at them. I could barely move in my bed, not even to lie on my side which frustrated me so much. I felt like a vegetable, confined to my miserable bed, and every single hour felt like a year. My mother kept fussing over me, and it was beginning to get on my nerves. I just wanted to be dead already. The physical pain wasn't even the worst of it. It was the pain inside, the very pain that shredded my heart to pieces every few seconds, that made me feel like my soul had been turned to black, and that I was drowning in misery and emptiness, and could no longer feel real emotion or love for anyone. Because _he_ left, and my life was meaningless without him. He didn't want me like this. I was ruined in his eyes. A freak, a burden, he didn't love me any more. And that tore me apart worse than this cancer was. How could I carry on breathing when I felt this way?

**Jasper**

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! There's a _time_ limit on this, I _have_ to get home as soon as possible!" I screamed at the ticket stand. As luck would have it, the bloody train service had been delayed due to electrical problems. Non of the trains were leaving or coming in, and all the bus services were cancelled today over some strike, so I had no way of getting home fast enough.

"I'm sorry sir, you just have to wait until the electrics are working again. It's too dangerous to run the trains until their properly fixed. We'll let you know as soon as everything is good again" He said, as formally as he job required. I sighed, frustrated and decided to give up and just wait. I didn't have enough money to take a cab all the way home, it would probably cost £1000 anyway, and unfortunately for me, unlike all the other kids at school, I didn't have a car service! So I was stuck here, at the bloody train station, tapping my foot against the concrete floor, and waiting until they finally would allow me to get back to her. I just hoped and prayed I wouldn't be too late.

**Edward**

It felt amazing, having her warm body moulded into mine. She smelt amazing, it almost blinded me. I'd never taken the time before to look at her properly, because all I cared about was sleeping with her. But that would change from here on out.

"Edward" Bella muttered after a while of me holding her as she cried. I'd sat us both down on the bed, and cradled her in my arms.

"Yes baby?" I asked looking down and kissing her forehead.

"I'm sorry"

"What for?"

"For everything. I wasn't good for you...I should of gotten help a long time ago!" She said, nestling her nose deep into my chest as if to try and get closer. I lifted my hand and removed a strand of hair from her eyes, stroking her cheek gently.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I wasn't good for you when I should have been there and supported you, instead of allow us to get so crazy. My bad lifestyle influence you in ways...it makes me sick to think about. I should of cared...I should of stopped it"

"Edward! I chose that lifestyle, not you. I was that crazy _way_ before you met me. See...there's something I have to tell you...about my past that is" And then she pulled back slightly out of my arms, leaving me feeling a little disappointed.

**Bella**

I told him everything, all of it. My past, my present, everything he should know if we had any chance at salvaging a friendship let alone anything else. When I mentioned Phil his fists clenched so tight and his face hardened that I thought he might break something. But he held it together, for my benefit, and even more shockingly I was calm enough to let him in to all my deep feelings and thoughts without wanting to lash out at him. I cried a little when I spoke of Alice, and how I was struggling to cope with it all.

"The counsellor has been helping me to deal with my anger issues. I'm so sorry for all...that! I can't even believe I could hurt you that way, and I can't believe _you_ don't even blame me for it. You should be furious with me, I was abusing you" He shook his head at me.

"I could _never_ be angry with you! No matter how much you try and tell me it was all you, and I was the victim, that isn't entirely true at all. In the beginning I was using you...I have problems of my own Bella, and I'm trying to deal with it myself. You were so wild and crazy, it intrigued me, I just couldn't leave it with you and I never understood why until it was too late. We totally fucked this relationship up together, but how can anyone be at fault for that? Neither of us are to blame, there's no blame even in the equation. Bella...I care about you, a lot. No girl has ever gotten to me the way you have, even if it was in..._interesting_ circumstances" He smiled melting my heart yet again.

"Interesting is a funny way to put it" I smiled back. It was easy being with him, I felt such a connection to him, it almost scared me as much as it excited me.

"It's good to see you again any how. I'm so sorry about Alice, she doesn't deserve that. Where is this jackass Jasper anyhow? He needs an ass kicking!" He half joked.

"I don't know" I bemused. "I wish he'd come back though, she's clearly in mourning for him"

"It must be difficult for everyone. Well just know that I'm here for you, should you need a friend...or a distraction" He said, looking away grinning as though he got a nice image in his mind. And I knew _exactly_ what image it was, which made me laugh.

"You haven't changed" I joked.

"Hey I'm only human...but don't worry I only want to be here for you, anyway you need. I do really care about you, I'm not lying when I say that. Whatever makes you happy" He smiled kindly. I smiled back, and we were silent, just looking into each others eyes. I felt my body sway forwards as though I wanted to kiss him, but it was such a bad idea given everything, so I turned my gaze away.

"Well I better go..." He said standing up. I stood up to just as he stepped forward to leave, clashing together with him, body to body. A rush of thrill went through me, giving me goosebumps. His chest was inch's away from mine and our heads almost touched. I felt my breathing heavy as I spotted his chest moving quickly as well. Every wild, impulsive feeling re-surfaced inside me, and I desperately wanted to grab him and do things to him that would be dangerous to my health. I could see as he twitched and breathed in and out fast and heavy that he too wanted to fall back to the bed, and I thanked every single angel in the sky he didn't because any instigation on his part and I would loose all reason and restraint and go with it. I stepped right out of the way and laughed nervously.

"Good seeing you, and thank you for listening" I said, avoiding his gaze again and I tried to slow my heart rate down.

"Yeah...yeah...sure" He said awkwardly, clearing his throat about a thousand times before smiling at me and going to leave. "I'll see you soon?" He said as if it were a question.

"Of course! I'll call you"

"Ok great" And then he left. I took in a huge breath and sighed in relief. Edward really was dangerous to my health...and my every desire!

**Alice**

As I lay on my death bed, Bella holding my hand one side, my mom on the other, I choked in another breath and tried to think of one positive thing I'd done in my life that was significant in some way, like I'd served my life's purpose. But I couldn't think of anything. I wish I'd dabbled in some charity work, or spent my free time in hospitals volunteering just something that contributed in some way that would grant me a free pass into heaven. Somehow all I could think of was that I was going straight to hell.

"Do you want some more water sweetheart?" My mom asked, rubbing gentle circles into my hand. I guess she must have noticed the tiny tears falling from my crusty, wrinkled eyes.

"N...O" I croaked, barely recognising my own voice.

"Is there anything I can get for you? Would you like me to read a book to you, or put on some music?" Bella asked, looking as helpless as my mother. I tried to force a smile, to show her how much it meant to me that she was here looking after me, but it came off looking as though I was in pain, and all of a sudden my mom rushed around the room ready to dose me with more painkillers that didn't even rid of a small headache let alone the pain.

"Here let me" Carlisle said taking over from my mom as he hovered over to sort out my IV. I groaned in frustration, wishing god would just end my life now, and free me from this agony, physical and emotional. Just as Carlisle finished sorting my IV the doorbell rang. My mother stepped up to go answer but Carlisle stopped her. I was kind of glad that he was here for her. At least I was leaving her behind with an amazing man who would treat her right, the way my father should of done.

"Bel-la..." I said slowly bowing my head over to her.

"I'm just going to the bathroom sweetheart, let you two talk a second" My mom said exiting the room. Bella smiled sweetly down at me.

"Bella...I'm s-o happy that you...that you have worked your problems out. I only ever wanted the best for you. Your so strong Bella, and brave! Your going to have an amazing life. I'm so proud Bella" I said as I watched her face crunch up in sadness, and tears fall from her eyes.

"Alice...please don't say stuff like that. I can't...can't loose you. I love you so much Alice, you know you've always been a sister to me. P-please...please don't leave me" She said bursting into tears, and squeezing my hand. I attempted to smile again, this time forcing as much energy as I could, knowing this could be the last conversation we have. I squeezed her hand a little and she squeezed it back.

"I can't imagine not seeing you every day" I said sadly.

"Same. We've had one hell of a life!" She laughed a little.

"That we have! But at least things have been made right now...and I know you'll be successful in whatever you do! Just remember, no matter where I am, I will be there guiding you" And before she could say another word, Carlisle came bursting through the door, with someone behind him. I turned to see his face paler than I'd ever seen it, as though he'd seen a ghost.

"Alice...there's someone here to see you. If it's ok with you? I can ask him to leave if you would prefer?"

"Him?" I asked confused.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" I heard my mother scream. "You've caused her enough pain as it is, I _don't_ want her upset!"

"Esme...I know and I'm so sorry! Really I am, but I'm here now...and I just want to talk to her" I heard the male voice say. It sounded familiar, but I couldn't place it. It was as if it were a voice from my dreams, but it stung at my nerves all the same, like hearing it hurt in some way.

"Jasper...she is in a _very_ weak condition, she cannot be disturbed!" My mom went on. I felt a shock of electricity bolt through into my heart as I heard his name. Jasper was here? Could this be possible! Suddenly feeling a rush of energy I managed to prop myself up, with the help of Bella, who looked concerned herself.

"Mom...is that him? Mom let him in!" I said, a little angry she would keep him from seeing me.

"Alice are you sure?" Carlisle asked. "You don't want to make yourself any sicker!"

"I appreciate that Carlisle but I doubt I will get any sicker. Look at me...please let him in" I begged, and he nodded, turning to my mother who must be out of her mind. And then, as Carlisle moved out of the way, and my heart pounded fast he slowly glided into the room, and looked at me with those beautiful eyes that could stop even the blind in their tracks. He was here. Finally.

**Jasper**

I was incredibly nervous being here. I didn't know what to expect, but from what I saw, it was much worse than I had imagined. Alice looked like a frail old lady on her death bed. It was upsetting to see. It made me feel so much more guilty about leaving her, when she was clearly in a lot of pain. How could I have done this to the girl I love? Bella kissed her forehead and smiled goodbye, then shot me a warning glare and stomped at the room with attitude. I couldn't blame everyone's cold shoulder towards me, I definitely deserved it.

"Hi Alice" I said gingerly walking to her side. She swallowed deep and then forced a smile.

"Hi Jasper" I could feel the awkward tension in the air, as it pierced through my skin. I sat down and looked around the room nervously. "How have you been?" She asked, prompting more of a response from me.

"Yeah..." I said not knowing what to do with myself. Come on J, I yelled to myself, pull it the fuck together!

"Good..." She said looking awkward.

"Listen!" We both said in unison, chuckling after. "I'm so sorry Al" I said reaching for her hand. She looked at it hesitantly but then smiled and passed her thin, weak hand over to mine.

"Don't..." She begged. "It's in the past. I forgive you. Let's not hash out the details, your back now right?" She said, bringing a smile to my face. She was incredible. I definitely felt happy in her company.

"Ok...so...how...erm....how's it going?" I asked, feeling awkward again.

"Not so great, but I don't want to talk about that either. I just want to live now, today. No past, no future, just the present. Is that ok?" She said with a pleading look. I smiled down and her and nodded. But it worried me when she said 'no future'. That I could _not_ live with.

"I've missed you..._so _much!" I said squeezing her hand.

"I've missed you too. Probably more so" She said looking sad again.

"Can I do something?"

"What?"

"Can I kiss you?" She stared at me blankly for a second, and then smiled wildly.

"Of course you can. I'd _really_ love that" And I smiled, my heart pounding so damn fast my breathing couldn't catch up. I stood up and hovered over her lips for a second, taking in her warm, honey suckle breath, and watching as her heart rate increased on the monitor, grinning. As I pressed my lips against hers I lost all reason and restraint and went with it as the kiss deepened. She moved much slower than me, understandably it was difficult for her, but she still moaned and groaned, enjoying every single moment of it just as I was. I felt myself get _very_ excited, and moved my lips down to her neck, and then her chest, grazing the top of her breast before working my lips back up to behind her ear. She moaned loudly, and whispered my name into my ear, making me even more excited. I knew I had to stop before I got carried away.

"That was nice" I giggled into her mouth, my eyes still closed, and my head still pressed to hers.

"It was" She said back, her breathing still heavy.

"Listen Alice" I started pulling back slightly. "There's something I wanted to ask you. Something I've been working up the courage to ask on my journey back here. I love you, _so_ much. More than my heart can handle Alice, and I made a huge mistake leaving you. I just want you to know it wasn't your fault or anything you did I was just lost, and didn't know what to do. I thought me leaving was the best thing, I didn't want to upset you. But I never stopped loving you, _ever_. And I never will. You are and always will be the love of my life, and I want to make you happy. So that brings me to my question..." My heart was going even faster now. I never imagined this moment would happen to me so young, but it felt incredibly right, given everything. I wanted her to be my wife, _us_ together bound by marriage. I knew no other girl could make me as happy as she made me, and I hoped it was the same for her to. So I knelt to the ground, nervously praying her answer would be the one I longed for and I reached and brought out my grandmother's ring, I had asked my mom for. "Marry me Alice"


	27. Chapter 27

**(Author's note: Sorry this took a while, with it being Christmas and also I wanted to save this for Christmas day, as you shall see why :) I hope you like it, there's lot's of mushy gushy stuff in this chapter :) don't forget to review! Reviews make the wedding of the year!)**

**Bella**

We had two days before the wedding, and everybody had been working round the clock to pull together the most elaborate, lavish wedding of the year, in just 2 weeks. Alice had dreamed since she was a little girl of having her wedding on Christmas day, so that is what we were striving for. But it wasn't easy!

We had all had our doubts when Jasper turned up at Alice's door, begging for her back, but he was what she wanted and we had to hope for the best, that he had made his _last_ mistake.

"You better turn up!" I scolded as I caught Jasper alone in Esme's kitchen. Alice was having her last dress fitting upstairs.

"I will" He smiled.

"I don't really find it amusing!"

"No, neither do I! Sorry if it seems that way...I am sorry Bella. For everything I did. I know how wrong it was, and I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself" He said looking close to tears. I frowned a little and then smiled.

"Don't worry, _she_ forgives you, and I guess I do to. I know you care about her a lot, just make sure that however long she has left, you make it the best time for her" I said, feeling close to tears myself.

"I will" And the conversation ended there.

**Jasper**

The day had come, and I couldn't of been more happy. No expense was spared, and no detail un-perfected. The day was beautiful. Snow had covered the ground like clouds, and the sky was a crisp, clear blue, as though it were something out of a winter wonderland. The perfect Christmas day, exactly how Alice had dreamed it. Her home had been turned into the most lavish location for our wedding reception, it almost resembled some grand parlour for kings and queens. Alice had picked the church she had been christened in, and also the same one I had planned to be a vicar in one day. The church had agreed, due to the circumstances of Alice's illness, to marry us on Christmas day, and had showered every surface and pillar with thousands of cream fairy lights, wrapped in ivory and holly. The town's local woodsman had specially designed a beautifully crafted alter, that had engraved angels and roses around the whole of it. It was incredible. And it was the happiest day of my life. I couldn't wait to be married to Alice, no matter how long I had left with her.

**Alice**

"I'm so happy that your wearing my mother's dress" My mom beamed, stroking my face gently with her hand. She had tears in her eyes, happy/sad tears.

"It's incredible mom, but I feel bad. You should be wearing it first not me!"

"Sweetheart! I planned to give you this dress on your wedding day any ways. Obviously I had hopped it would be after I was married, and you were older, but honestly...I couldn't be more proud than I am right now. You look absolutely beautiful. Sensationally so!" She said beaming a smile again. I smiled back and kissed her cheek, as she left the room to go take her seat in the church. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was happy to see colour in my cheeks and my face looking young again, even if it was just for this one day, god had definitely granted me one day of beauty. The hairdresser had designed a special black wig, out of some of my old hair they had shaved off before I started the chemo and radiation. She'd added extensions to it, and curled it into thousands of beautiful ringlets. My make-up was subtle but angelic like, and the dress...oh the dress. It was simple, with a beautiful, ivory lace bodice, very much like a corset, and a beautiful, silk hem. I had white, short laced gloves to go with it, and a beautifully embroidered veil. I hadn't seen a smile on my face like the one I wore today in a _very_ long time. I couldn't believe I was marrying the man I loved, and I wasn't even nervous about it. It was the best day of my life.

"...And now Jasper, would you like to say your vows?" The vicar said, turning to Jasper who had held my hand the whole way through. I was exhausted, and in some pain but I didn't care. Nothing would spoil this.

"Alice...I fell in love with you the day I met you. You walked into my class, in that little pink and white butterfly dress, and pink ribbon, and you ran over to me, and said 'we're going to be best friends'" I giggled at the memory. He'd stuck out to me over everyone else, and I instantly felt connected to him. Who knew you could be somebodies soul mate from the day you were born. "From that day on I never loved anyone the way I love you. You are everything to me, and there isn't a single person who can make me happy the way you do, _every_ single day. All my life I felt as though there was something missing, something I couldn't quite figure out. But when you kiss me, when you hold me, when you wrap those little, loving arms around my neck, like you did when we were little, I feel as though I have everything I'm ever going to need. You are my life, and I only want to spend whatever time we have left, with you, my wife, and soul mate. I love you Alice, _so_ much. Thank you for saying yes" And then he squeezed my hand, as tears streamed down my cheeks. I could see Bella clutching at the tissues, and trying to stop herself from crying, but the tears had taken over everybody. I wanted to kiss him for his words, they'd taken all the pain out of me, and all I could feel was joy and love.

"Alice, would you like to say your vows" The vicar prompted, smiling with a glint of tears even in his eyes.

"Jasper...I knew that you were the one for me, the very first time you cried in my arms. We were little, and I was the first and only person you let in to your life, and you trusted me fully to hold your hand through the dark times. I loved that, I loved that you needed me because I wanted to be there for you always and forever, you meant the world to me for so long, and still do. You've always been there for me when I've needed you, and supported me better than I could ever of hoped for. You were, and are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. However long I have left, it doesn't matter to me because if I have you by my side that's all I need. Jasper you've made my life..." I started to tear up, stumbling at the words. Jasper too had tears, and I could hear my mum crying in Carlisle's arms. "...beautiful, you've given me a reason to go on breathing, and I thank you for that. I thank you for bringing light into my life, and I love you, so much it _consumes_ me" I leant over to his ear and whispered "And I'll always be with you". Everybody started crying hysterically then, and the vicar even had to clear his throat before he continued on. It was the most saddening of times, but also the most joyful. Jasper was my life.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride" The vicar said, beaming a saddened smile at us both. I turned to smile at Jasper who looked at me with such warmth in his face. And then he gently lifted my veil, bringing his fingertips gently down my face as it fell down my back. And then he leaned in and softly parted my lips with his, deepening the kiss to the point I felt my feet lifting off of the ground. In that moment everyone disappeared, and it was just me and Jasper, together, in each others embrace. I was his and he was mine, for as long as time would give me.

**Edward**

The wedding had been sad. Happy, but very emotional for everyone who cared for Alice. The emotions seemed to affect everybody, including me.

"Alice just has that affect on people" My dad said smiling and patting me on the back. I agreed, she really did have a magical aura about her, and I'd never really spent the time to get to know her or Jasper before today. Jasper was actually a decent block. We got chatting at the lunch reception, and I found him to be a good laugh, and someone I hoped I could become friends with. Things were definitely changing for me, and I really liked opening myself up to people. But it was Bella that had taken my breath away today. She was dressed in a long, ankle length maxi dress, which was blue, white and silver, and had a cloudy sort of pattern to it. Her hair was curled and put up into a neat bun, with some bits coming down over her face. She looked stunning, and it just made me want to carry her back to my house. I guess no matter how much you change, you cannot stop a guy from feeling animalistic sexual feelings! Oh well.

After lunch, we were escorted into the back room of Alice's house. Everybody stood around chatting and gabbing about how beautiful Alice looked, and how amazing the day had been. There were presents everywhere, because people had given up their Christmas' to spend it hear, so naturally everyone brought their gifts, not only for Alice, but for themselves.

"We should open them later when we get the fire going" Esme suggested, sneaking off more than a few times with my dad. I was glad my dad was marrying her, she was perfect for him. Almost reminded me of my mother.

"What are you thinking about?" Bella asked, coming up behind me and breaking me from my thoughts.

"Oh just life" I smiled, looking into her beautiful, deep brown eyes. I'd never paid much attention to the little things. Like how her hair fell delicately over her face, how piercing her chocolate eyes were, almost as though you could get lost in them if you looked long enough. She liked twiddle her fingers together, and play with the ends of her jackets or jumpers too. It looked like a nervous thing, but it was cute non the less.

"Find out anything interesting?" She smiled heartedly.

"Hmm...I guess so" I held out my hand to her, beckoning her to dance. She hesitated for a second but took my hand anyway, as I lead her over to the dance floor. It felt amazing as I wrapped my arm around her waist, and use the other to hold her hand. Her body felt warm and perfect crushed into mine.

"I've never danced properly before" She said, laughing nervously. I smiled.

"Neither have I. You should feel privileged" I joked. I wasn't one for dancing, especially slow dancing, but I would do anything for her.

"How have you been?" She asked, and she lightly pressed her head against the cove of my shoulder.

"Good" I said trying to keep it together. Having her this close wasn't helping my restraints much. God she smelled good, I thought as I took a whiff of her strawberry smelling hair. "And you?" I asked finally.

"Good" She answered. The tension around us was icy cold, and we both could feel it. Neither of us could bring ourselves to say what we really wanted to, at fear of what that would mean for us.

"You look...really well" I said.

"You too"

"I've missed this" I said finally, closing my eyes as I took in her scent again. "Exquisite" I said aloud without realising. She giggled a little pulling back to look in my eyes.

"Did you just smell she?" I blushed red.

"Maybe" She laughed, and put her head back.

"That's ok, I like to smell you too sometimes" She took a deep breath in and made a humming sound. "Mmm peppermint" She said, giggling a little.

"Hey! Your lucky, I actually took a shower this morning!"

"Good I'm glad! You should take one _every_ morning"

"Ha. Good luck with that" I joked, kissing her neck gently. She moaned slightly as I did, and I felt myself hardening. Oops.

"That feels nice" She said humming in my ear. Oh man, what is she doing to me?

"Yeah" I continued kissing her neck. It was almost as if no one else was in the room.

"I love you, you know" She whispered, squeezing me slightly, forcing a little moan out of me.

"I love you too" I pulled back, leaning my forehead against hers. "I really do. You mean a lot to me. I would love to make this work"

"Oh no...I hope this isn't a proposal" She half joked, smiling at me as we kept out heads together, and continued to sway.

"No way! Hey I may love you, but marriage...it's not my thing" I bemused, hoping she wouldn't be upset by that. It was true, I'd never wanted to marry.

"Same! But I do want to make _us _work" She agreed, the corners of her mouth raised a little.

"That would be great if we could. I may not want to ever get married, but I do see myself with you...in the future I mean" This seemed to make her beam with happiness, and she forced her lips into my cheek, and smiled wildly.

"We should take this slow...I know I have all these feeling boiling inside of me...but I can't act on them because I _don't_ want to end up where we were the last time. I can't go back to that place, it would destroy us and that would destroy me" She said looking very serious now.

"I know. I agree. As hard as it might be...I think we can restrain ourselves, were not animals" I said smiling, as she bit her lip.

"Exactly. So let's do this right this time...if you want to that is?"

"Bella..." I said pushing back slightly, and looking deep into her eyes, hoping she would know I was being a hundred percent truthful. "I couldn't ask for anything more, it's all I want" And then...reckless or not...I pressed my lips against her warm, wet supple lips and kissed her with every ounce of my love and passion for her that I could muster up. We both moaned slightly and then pulled back before we got too carried away, so much so that the clothes would start ripping off. I hoped that it would work with us, because I loved her, incredibly so. There wasn't anyone else there out there that could even _pretend_ to have just a smidgen of what Bella had. She was a rare thing, and the only girl I felt I could completely commit myself to, and allow in through the wall I'd put up all these years. We'd never marry, but what is that anyway...a piece of paper? I was _not _like my real father...and I never would be! And that...made me happy. I was absolutely a changed man.

**Alice**

The wedding had been wonderful. It was the day of my dreams, and nothing, nothing at all could top that. Or so I thought.

We arrived at the hospital, right on the dot, Monday morning. I'd wanted to escape to Italy with Jasper for a honeymoon, but that was on the fence since my condition was so bad at the moment. It wasn't certain whether we'd even have a week left together, let alone a honeymoon!

"Hi Alice" Carlisle said as me and my mom sat down in front of him. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. I haven't had any pain really, but I couldn't tell at the moment, I'm still reeling from my wedding" I smiled. Esme beamed a smile at me, and patted my hand with hers.

"That's good! It was a lovely wedding" He commented. "Ok back to business...shall we get you in for some tests? Hopefully, fingers crossed, your condition is stabilised enough for you to go away for a few days. However you will probably need a nurse with you, and we'd have to get all your medication and what not approved" I nodded in understanding, and followed him to get my tests done. It would be the cherry on top of the cake if I could go away with Jasper as well. _That_...would make my year.

The following day we went back for the results. My mom waiting outside, as I wanted to be alone to hear the news...good or bad.

"Hi Alice...well I have your test results back" He said scratching his head, as though he were finding it difficult to tell me what he knew. "It's...quite...erm" He struggled. I shifted nervously in my chair, and clutched firm hold of the arm rests awaiting my fate. "It's a total enigma...it really is" He mused, still scratching his head. "I think you should ask you mom to come in" He suggested. I nodded, puzzled as to why he was acting so strangely.

"Mom" I called to her, as she sat nervously tapping her feet against the cold, marbled floor. "Carlisle asked if you could come in" She nodded to me and followed me into the room, just as baffled as I was.

"What's going on Carlisle? Has it spread again? Does she need another operation?" Esme questioned.

"No...actually she doesn't need anything, in theory"

"What do you mean?" Esme asked again.

"Alice...Esme..." He addressed us both. "Alice is in remission. I checked all her test results, and they've all come back normal. I had them double checked just to be sure but again the same thing, there showing up normal. I can't get my head round it. I mean...it's a miracle" He said, beaming.

"WHAT!" Esme yelled in complete shock. I was trying to get my head round what Carlisle had just said. I was in remission?

"How is that possible?" I asked.

"I have no idea Alice. I mean...I've heard about these cases before, but in your case...well I mean the cancer was so far a long it doesn't seem fathomable. But there it is...your all clear. Obviously we'll have to keep on top of it to make sure it doesn't come back, but as of now...your cancer free. I guess that explains why you've had no pain"

"I can't believe it!" Esme exclaimed, shock and happiness both on her face. "And your sure?" She asked.

"Absolutely sure" Carlisle smiled happily. Next thing I knew we were all rejoicing, jumping up and down in his office. Carlisle joined in.

"I still can't believe it Bella...I mean...I'm clear! How is it even possible?" I said to Bella later on, after I'd called for her to come round. Jasper had gone out to run round the streets screaming in joy. Edward had decided to join him, as me and Bella rolled our eyes at their cute stupidity.

"Alice it's amazing! I'm so happy for you" She said hugging me for the hundredth time.

"But I don't get it!"

"Miracles happen all the time sweety" Esme interjected.

"I know they do mom but...I was a lost cause. Even the doctor's said I was definitely on my way out. It just seems..._crazy_!" Something dawned across Bella's face. She seemed to be having some kind of epiphany as her face looked distant and thoughtful. "What is it?" I prompted.

"It's him" Was all she said.

"What?"

"It's him. It's Jasper! He's the reason...he saved you" She said, looking close to tears. Before I had a chance to question her weirdness, I thought about it for a second. She was right. When he left I went so down hill, it forced me into a downward spiral till I ended up on my death bed. But then he came back, and he brought happiness back into my life, and gave me a reason to fight.

"Jasper brought me back to life" I said aloud, truthfully believing every word. He was my soul mate. My life. My love. My husband. My saviour.

**(Author's note: I just COULD NOT kill Alice! No way, I couldn't do it! Sorry about that but it was just too sad, I couldn't let her die. I hope that's ok and that you enjoyed the chapter. The next chapter will be the very last :) don't forget to review xx Merry Christmas xx)**


	28. Chapter 28

**(Author Warning: This is it...the final chapter :'( boooo hooo *cries* hehe lol! It's very long this one, and is just from Bella's perspective. However in the little part where it goes back 2 months it's third person. I hope that's ok, it just made more sense for it to be that way. There are some lemons in this final chapter :D Hope you've enjoyed it, please review at the end, and thank you for reading! xoxoxoxo)**

**Bella**

No one would of believed over a year ago we'd get to where we were today. Thinking about the past and that life I had lived without any real thought of the consequences always made me a little sad. I woke up today, with the rain hammering down against my window and this time instead of sighing in annoyance, I sighed happily, because I was a new women.

6 months had passed since Alice's beautiful wedding, and we all look back at the pictures and that day as though it was the happiest day of _all_ our lives. That day was like a gift from god. Alice had been in remission now for 6 months, with no sign of the cancer returning. She and Jasper had never been happier, or more in love. They were still on their honeymoon would you believe. Alice had to wait a month after the wedding before she was given the all clear to go away, just to be on the safe side of course, and instead of just jet-setting to one place in Italy they decided to go for the whole tour. Me (with the help of my dad's money, which he was happy to hand over), Esme and Carlisle had all pulled together to raise the money for them, causing Alice to cry tears of joy. They'd been to Verona, Rome, Venice, Florence, Sicily, Capri, Pisa, Tuscany and then ended their tour in Volterra, where they were hiding out for the next few weeks until they returned back here to forks. Alice had uploaded their pictures on the internet of them, and sent us countless amounts of postcards and novelty gifts enabling us to revel in their delight. She said Volterra was by far the best place they had gone, and they'd managed to arrive there on the day of a special festival, which was lovely. I was so happy for her, and for Jasper, who I'd grown to forgive and like once again. He was good for her, and genuinely loved her more than anything. Even Edward had become great friends with him, in fact it was starting to annoy me and Alice a little how much time they'd spent talking over the internet, whilst they were on their honeymoon as well!

"I bet their hooking up behind our backs!" Alice joked down the phone to me.

"It wouldn't surprise me" I replied, laughing with her.

It was good Edward had people in his life now, and he was improving so much. He'd taken up music again, and was playing shows at local pubs and clubs, gathering a following. I loved his voice. It was velvety, vibrant and tickled at your heart strings. He also played his guitar and wrote a song about me, which brought me to tears every time I heard it.

As for me...well I was doing great! My counselling sessions with Lucy had ended just two weeks ago. She told me I was doing fantastic and didn't need the help any more, but if ever I needed to talk to someone again, and confiding in family or friends wasn't enough for me, I was to call her. I was happy I'd let Alice talk me into going, because Lucy had helped me so much. I'd beaten my disorder, and hoped it never came back to haunt me again. I'd also learnt to control my anger. Of course every now and again I got angry, but no more violent rages, or screaming fits, I was in control. So what did that mean for me and Edward?

"Hey baby" He said sitting up from the bed and wrapping his arms around me, kissing the back of my neck. He graciously pulled me back into the bed and climbed on top of me, kissing from my mouth, down to my chin, my neck, my chest and all around my collar bone, licking his name into my skin. I moaned at the pure ecstasy feeling, of having his lips and tongue against my skin, it felt wonderful. I loved that we could _finally_ be in this place...and loved even more how we got there!

************************************2 months ago************************************

Alice and Jasper both returned for 4 days, to see Esme and Carlisle marry. Esme had always dreamed of having a big, extravagant wedding, and where better to hold a ball like that than in 'Forks River Castle' which was down by the river. It was the most sensation venue in Forks, for all the posh, rich people to throw their posh balls, disco's and private do's, and Esme and Carlisle were no exception to that. In one of the back rooms, there was a pool, which had been lit up with fair lights round the sides, to look beautiful in the night sky. Next to the pool there was a jacuzzi, which Bella and Edward had decided to occupy, whilst most of the guests were busily distracted. It was a beautiful night, as the moon shone down on the fresh, blue water. Bella lay her head back on the side, and let the hot, bubbling water fill her veins with fluffy, burning desire, and felt relaxed. Edward was slowly hardening, at the site of Bella moaning and groaning in pleasure as the warmth entered her body.

"You have to stop doing that" He begged, barely being able to control the urge to thrust his body into hers.

"Doing what?" She said innocently, totally smug as she knew she was doing it on purpose. Truthfully, Bella _longed _for him to thrust himself at her, it's all she'd dreamt about for the past few months. But now she knew she could handle a passionate embrace with him (on more than one occasion) she was pleading in her mind he wanted the same thing.

"You know what your doing" He grinned at her, not really minding since he knew when he got home he'd have plenty of sexual tension, and clear memory of her moaning in her bikini, to relieve himself more than just a few times.

"Well why don't you show me what I'm doing" She teased, giving him a flirtatious smile. The let out a sexual, sigh as he felt himself go even harder, and more turned on.

"Bella...stop. I don't know how much longer I can contain myself. It's bad enough were in a _Jacuzzi_ together. I mean talk about dangling temptation right in front of us. Your driving me wild" He said, wanting to reach his hand down his pants, but resisting.

"Well..." She flirted, starting to slide her body nearer to his. He clutched onto the hard surface, trying to keep control. "Why don't we stop trying to contain ourselves, and just let...nature...take...it's course" She said as she slid herself up to him, and traced her pinky finger over his bare leg.

"URHH" He moaned, as his eyes rolled back into his head. "Don't...Bella please" He begged, moans still clear in his voice.

"Why?" She asked, grazing his leg gently again.

"B-Because..." And as he tried to think of reason, lost in how amazing it felt to be touched by her, he couldn't remember why they weren't just having sex right now. He pulled his head down and met her needy, wanting gaze, which was so close to his, he'd forgotten how to breath. "Bella...we ca..." He tried to whisper.

"Shhh" She said, pressing her finger against his lips. Without thinking, he licked her finger up to the tip and wrapped his mouth around it sucking at it, maintaining eye contact with her. "Urhh that feels good" She moaned, breathing her warm breath into his neck. "Just go with it Edward" She whispered into his ear. "I want to...I can't just be your friend any more. I _want_ you...inside me..._please_?" She begged, her lips still at his ear. He let out a tiny groan, and then completely lost all reason, pressing his lips hard into her neck, as she cried out in pleasure. He grazed her inner thigh with his hand, and with the other tickled at her neck and he deepened their kiss with his tongue. She reached up and pulled at his hair, pushing his tongue further into her mouth. Their bodies moved around the splashing, bubbling water like lions attacking each other, but less violence, and more passion and fire. Edward gently pushed them over to once side, as she leant her head back against the head rest moaning and groaning as he kissed all down her body, removed her bikini top, and yanked at her bikini knickers with his fingers.

"Put them in" She begged him into his ear. He let out a huge gust of sexual air, his body rippling in pleasure at the words, as he slipped his fingers across her clit and into the warm, cushy hole. "Ar..H yes" She moaned nibbling at his ear. "Make love to me Edward" She pleaded as he took out his finger and pushed her body up slightly so he could kiss all down her body to her belly button and back up to her lips.

"I love you" He whispered into her ear, meeting her gaze with his eyes and checking she was ok.

"I love you too" And as she smiled, tenderly at him, they both knew it was right. The moment was there for the taking, and there was no going back. And that was it. He was inside her, moving their bodies together as the water crackled around them, boiling at their veins. The steam from the water rose up and burned at their already hot bodies. There wet faces crushed into each other as they moved, trying to hold on to each other as the ecstasy ripped through them. Bella reached up and pulled at his wet, black hair, licking and nibbling at his neck gently so much so he let out the loudest moan and bashed the side of the jacuzzi with his hand not being able to take pleasure. Their breathing quickened, Bella's chest pounding into Edward's. Their mouths became messy, as Bella's mouth hovered over his, her head tilted back, their teeth bare for all to see as they both tried to breath in and out. And then...it was long and hypnotising, as their bodies pulsated, and a wave of explosions filled throughout every part of them, deep inside. Their screamed out in pleasure and love, their chests closing up on them blocking all air supply. After what seemed like a long time they finally were able to breath again. Edward spun around and brought Bella's legs round to sit on his laps as he cradled her. They sat like that for ages, letting the water bubble around them, as their breathing calmed, and their bodies cooled down somewhat. He pressed his lips into his hair, lingering for a while and then rested his head against hers, and Bella's head rested on his bare chest. Their love for each other was fiery, passionate but tender and loving at the same time. It was no surprise that when they finally let go off all their demons, and came together, making love, that it would be something explosive and almost unbearable in the most wonderful way. They were perfect for each other. A perfect fit.

***********************************4 months after*************************************

As we were ready to leave the house, Edward pulled me back into his arms grinning wildly at me as he rested his forehead against mine.

"God your amazing" He said, licking his lips slightly.

"This better not be some ploy to get me back to bed" I half joked, hoping that it was, because he was _damn_ good in bed! He chuckled a lit gently playing with a strand of my hair, and tenderly pushing his lips into mine. Yet again with the hallucinogenic, floating on cloud 9 kisses, that could weaken the knees of even the strongest athletes. "Hmmm" I groaned as he pulled himself back. I bit my lip and looked up at him desperately wanting to drag his cute butt back upstairs.

"Come on...before we get carried away. We _have_ to go today" He said smiling sadly.

"I know" I agreed, wishing it wasn't true. The truth was today _was_ very important. Emmett had just been released from Dawn hospital and was feeling refreshed and much better in himself. He'd really found god whilst he'd been in there, so much so he was starting to scare Edward a bit. Emmett took to Jasper right away, and everything looked for the best. But today was important for a different reason. It was coming up to the 1 year anniversary of Rosalie's death, and Emmett had prepared a speech, for the whole town of Forks, as way of trying to enforce a law to ban GBL and any other drug that was still legal to buy. We were all going to support him, _all_ of us, even the bitches from school.

We all greeted Emmett and then he took to the stand, nervous but determined to give this speech properly.

"A year ago today a good friend, a great love and a wonderful person died because of GBL. As you all know Gamma Butyrolactone, GBL, or otherwise known as 'coma in a bottle' is legal in most countries. It is sold on line, as though it were a CD or movie, and is popular because it's cheap and easy to get hold off. But cheap...what is that? What is it when a young life is taken away from the people who love them. A child from a mother, a parent from a child, a sibling from a sister or brother, a lover from a partner. It's soul purpose is to help you get to sleep, but in the end you become so addicted you need more, and more just to be able to sleep, because your so awake, your head buzzy and scattered, your body torn to shreds to the point you just end up a withered old corpse. How is this right? How can this drug be considered legal? When in some ways it is much worse than some of the class A drugs. Rosalie Lillian Hale was a beautiful, young girl, with so much to live for, and so many people who cared about her. She took GBL, as did I at one point. She got so addicted, mixing it with other narcotics, to the point she was hospitalised, and lost our unborn child. If she had survived she would never of been able to have a baby, and her body would have been weakened for life, needing to be constantly taken care of. She'd lost control of her bladder, her bones had turned to sawdust, her mind fried to the point she'd lost some memories, and her skin...ruined. She was like an old lady, at just 17 years old. The doctor said the only way they could keep her alive was either to spoon feed her GBL every day until she died, or to closely monitor her 24/7 with more of a chance of death. And of course as you all know, even with constant medical attention at her beckoned call, she died. My purpose of today is to raise awareness. We all know that we shouldn't take drugs, of _any_ sort, but sometimes we fall to temptation or curiosity. The point is having a drug that's so easy to get hold off, but so deadly at the same time is more than a temptation it's wrong. Something _should_ be done to stop this. To stop your children, your loved ones and family members from getting mixed up in something so dangerous. It won't stop it all together, but if it can help just one person...just one boy or _girl_, then isn't that worth it? If we can save one life, then shouldn't we try? This drug _must_ be made illegal, so another beautiful person like Rose, never had to suffer and die in that horrible way. Please support me in this campaign to fight against making GBL illegal, and taking it off of our high streets...literally! Thank you for listening" He said nodding in thanks at the crowd. Everybody applauded, and we who all loved Rosalie wiped away our tears.

"You did her proud Emmett" Alice said smiling and patting him on the back.

"It was a great speech" Jasper added smiling.

"Yeah bro...really great! Well done for getting up there. Fingers crossed we can make it a reality, and get that blasted drug banned!" Edward said truthfully.

"It will...it has to. Thank you Emmett...for standing up for Rosalie. She'd be looking down on us smiling" I said, tears still in my eyes.

"You've gone very religious on my ass all of a sudden" Edward half joked, wrapping his arm around me and yanking me into his chest. I tapped him gently on the shoulder.

"It's Emmett and Jasper...their rubbing off on me!"

"I hope not literally!" Edward joked again. The boys bellowed into laughter, as me and Alice looked at each other and rolled our eyes. Typical boys!

"Come on let's go and get some food" Alice said, taking Jasper by his hand and walking off together, smiling at us before they left.

"Yeah I better go get some grub myself" Emmett said, rubbing his belly. Edward tapped him on the back before he left.

"Well done mate" He said, as Emmett walked off. Then Edward turned to me and wrapped his arms around my waist as I wrapped mine around his neck. "You look beautiful today" He said smiling. "You look beautiful every day. I love having you in my life"

"Don't get all mushy on me now you sex maniac" I joked tapping his back lightly. He placed his head on mine and burned his eyes into mine with a serious look on his face.

"I mean it Bella. I really love being with you. Yes the sex is amazing...but we have so much more than that. It hit me the other day I think were making a huge mistake" Suddenly the smile on my face was wiped off in an instant. What was he saying? Before I could ask him he pressed his finger to my lips and then bent down to the ground grabbing hold of my hand. "Bella there's no one else I want in my life. And I know I said I didn't believe in marriage but...I would _love_ being married to you. If you'd have me that is. Will you marry me?" He asked, sending a thousand bolts of fiery arrows through my veins.

"But...you said you _never_ wanted to get married!"

"I did...but...well...sod it! Let's get married, be together...forever as they say. It's all I want. You...forever" I felt tears falling from my eyes.

"_That_...would be the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me..._if_ it didn't contain the words 'sod it' in it" I laughed, heartedly. He laughed too and then stood up to meet my eyes.

"Please marry me. Be my wife. I know we've had our struggles, but I'd love spending the rest of my life making you happy and loving you the way you deserve. We don't have to have a big wedding...we could go away together...on a beach somewhere. Just me and you" I thought about it for a second. Thought about what it would be like...to be married. Were we moving to fast? Would it last if we did marry? The truth was no one can answer those questions. And there was no way I wanted them answered in the first place. Because I knew I loved Edward...truly loved him. I would do anything for him, any time, any place. And even though the thought of marriage made me feel a little sick to my stomach, it was _him_ asking me and that made all the difference. So I took a deep breath and answered his question he was dying to know the answer to.

"Yes" I said, beaming a smile at him. He smiled back, scooping me up in his arms and swinging me round, before kissing me all over my head, and then resting his lips against mine.

"We'll be happy...I love you Bella" He said, cupping my face with his tender hands.

"I love you too Edward. Always have always will" And then...we kissed.

* * *

**Epilogue**

_Years had passed, and still we were happy. God had finally granted us all the gift we all deserved. Esme and Carlisle bought a little quaint, but small house just outside of Forks, since all their kids had moved out, and they really didn't need a huge place any more. Emmett moved on and went to university in the end, picking up a scholarship in architecture, and following his dream all the way around the world. He never married, and only dabbled in minor relationships, but he was happy because he said "Rosalie will always be the one, and that will never change...she is my wife to me". Alice and Jasper were incredibly happy. They moved away to Volterra, keeping in touch as often as possible. Even though Alice could never carry her own child, luckily Carlisle had been able to save some of her eggs, and so they found a surrogate and had three gorgeous children. Two girls named Rosalie and Lillian, in loving memory of Rosalie Lillian Hale, and a boy, named Jamie. They were so in love every day and it was lovely to watch. Alice stayed in remission for the rest of her life, and was so grateful to god for granting her, her beautiful life. Jasper's mother did ok for herself too. She met Principal Aro at Jasper's graduation, and instantly fell back in love with him. Apparently the two of them had been to high school together when they were younger, and Aro was her first love. It was kind of sweet in an icky-mom way, but Jasper was happy she was happy finally. He saw his father every know and again, but he continued to drink unfortunately. Even our ex-school mate's had made some improvement, well some of them at least. Jessica and Mike married, after she became pregnant with twins, after their one night of stupid, drunken passion. She did become the town whore, sleeping with a lot of the men around town until she met Marcus, and fell in love at the age of 22, divorcing Mike. Granted Marcus was 65 years old, and had a massive wallet but hey...whose judging? Jane saw the error of her ways and changed for the good, but as for the others...well let's just say neither are doing so well! Angela and Ben did break up, but on good terms and remained close friends. Angela ended up marrying Eric, and had six babies, always wanting to have more children. Ben came to realise he wasn't interested in the opposite sex any more, and met and fell in love with would you believe it...Jacob. The same Jacob I had once bedded to spite my mother. Funny old world! A small one at that. My dad married again also, a beautiful woman named Maria. They were very happy together, and me and my dad remained a close relationship. As for my mother I never saw her again...but this did not bother me too much. She'd chosen her life and I did not need any bad in my life. And as for me and Edward were married, on a beautiful private beach on a tropical Island in Hawaii, and moved to Los Angeles to pursue our career choices. A year later I got pregnant with his baby, and although at first I was scared to death we couldn't of been more happy about it. I didn't quite make it as a celebrities assistant, but even better I'd found a passion in writing, and had even gotten a book published, taking inspiration from my own life and what had happened, and turning it into a best seller. Edward got a record deal, and according to the papers he was like the 'next Jeff Buckley/Van Morrison'. But to me he was better, much better. We were all happy in our lives. And I thanked god every day for giving me this beautiful life, with my amazing husband and gorgeous child. After all we had struggled, finally we had a chance and being...happy. I'll never forget what Emmett told me, after he'd found god. A beautiful little story, which is inspiring and so true at the same time. _

"One day I decided to quit...  
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality.....in fact I wanted to quit my life.  
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.  
"God", Can you give me one good reason not to quit?" I asked.  
His answer surprised me...  
"Look around you ", He said. "what do you see?"  
"I see trees and sky...but mostly I notice the fern and the bamboo?"  
"Well, My Child...When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.  
I gave them light.  
I gave them water.  
The fern grew quickly... from the earth.  
Its brilliant green covered the floor, filling my heart with joy.  
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.  
But I did not quit on the bamboo.  
In the next few months the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.  
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.  
But I did not quit on the bamboo.  
In the coming months still nothing from the bamboo seed.  
But I would not quit.  
In the beginning of the following year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But Il did not quit." He said.  
After nearly 18 months of planting the seed a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant. ..  
But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.  
It had spent the 18 months growing roots.  
Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.  
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."  
He asked me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling,  
you have actually been growing roots".  
"I would not quit on the bamboo.  
I will never quit on you."  
"Don't compare yourself to others." He said.  
"The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern.  
Yet they both make the forest beautiful."  
"Your time will come", God said to me.  
"You will rise high"  
"How high should I rise?" I asked.  
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.  
"As high as it can?" I questioned.  
"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."  
I left the forest and brought back this story.  
I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.  
Never, Never, Never Give up.  
Don't tell God how big the problem is,  
Tell the problem how Great the God is!" _Emmett told us all. And it was true. All this time we had been struggling...we'd been growing roots. But we never gave up. And neither should you!_

**The end.**

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